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We have a tendency today to over-parent, micro-manage, and under-appreciate our adolescents. Dr. John Duffy's The Available Parent is a revolutionary approach to taking care of teens and tweens. Teenagers are often left feeling unheard and misunderstood, and parents are left feeling bewildered by the changes in their child at adolescence and their sudden lack of effectiveness as parents. The parent has become unavailable, the teen responds in kind, and a negative, often destructive cycle of communication begins. The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and solutions, but not insisting on them. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures he is available but not controlling. He is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever. The available parent is fun and funny, and can bring levity to the most stressful situation. All of that is to say, there are no conditions to his availability it is absolute.
John Duffy is a clinical psychologist and certified life coach with a thriving private practice. In addition to clinical work, Duffy also consults with individuals, groups, and corporations. Dr. Duffy's highly satisfied clients include Sears, Allstate, General Electric, Household Financial, Exxon Mobil, Accenture, Bank of America, and Hewitt Associates. He lives in Chicago.
Table of Contents
Prologue and Author's Note
Introduction The Nature of Availability Radical Optimism The Good-Enough Teenager What Do I Know? Availability: Your Mandate as a Parent
Part 1: Your Teenager's Wild World Too Much Data, Too Little Filter This Isn't Kansas Anymore The Adolescent Mind Social In-security Breaking Away The Nature of Teen Rebellion Sex Intimacy: More Than Hooking Up Body Image: The Locker Room Terror What About the Gay Issue?
Part 2: What Never Works Why Lectures Never Work Why Vicarious Living Never Works Why Micromanaging Never Works Why Snooping Never Works Why Underestimating Never Works Why Blinders Never Work Why Judging Never Works Why Smothering Never Works Why Coddling Never Works Why Overindulgence Never Works Why Bribery Never Works Why "Good Cop, Bad Cop" Never Works Why Waiting Never Works
Part 3: What Always Works
Check Your Ego Don't Make It About You Emotional Role Modeling Tapping Your Intuition
Gaining Traction Deposits in the Emotional Bank Account Simple Acknowledgment The Multiple Benefits of Laughter The Ozzy Connection
Communication and Connection The Power of Music Other Ways to Connect The Friendship Debate Shifting the Energy Re-connecting
Protect Time Step Away from the iPhone! u cn txt ur kid, k?
Calm, Clear Consequences Disciplinary Action Punishment, Rewards, and Consequences The Behavioral Contract When to Say No: Following Your Intuition
See the Light Fondness and Admiration Finding Those Corners Where Strengths Dwell Supporting Your Teen's Interests Building Self-Esteem or Self-Mastery What about the Weird Kid?
Be the Change Inspiration by Example When Not to Be Available: Parent as Consultant