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  Collects poems written by the eleven-year-old muscular dystrophy patient, sharing his feelings and thoughts about his life, the deaths of his siblings, nature, faith, and hope. Journey Through HeartsongsBy Mattie J.T. Stepanek HYPERIONCopyright © 2001 Mattie J.T. StepanekAll right reserved. ISBN: 0-7868-6942-9 ContentsBeginning the Journey..........................1 Considering the Journey........................15 Coping with the Journey........................29 Celebrating the Journey........................41 Growing Beyond the Journey.....................51 Chapter OnePrayer for a JourneyThank You, God, Not just for life, But for our journey through life. Life is a miracle, And a journey through life Is so full of so many more miracles If we travel with our Heartsongs. Thank You, God, For blessing me with the Gift of Heartsongs, So that I can enjoy my miracles. April 1998 About the Author I am Mattie J.T. Stepanek. My body has light skin, Red blood, blue eyes, and blond hair. Since I have mitochondrial myopathy, I even have a trach, a ventilator, and oxygen. Very poetic, I am, and very smart, too. I am always brainstorming ideas and stories. I am a survivor, but some day, I will see My two brothers and one sister in Heaven. When I grow up, I plan to become A father, a writer, a public speaker, And most of all, a peacemaker. Whoever I am, and whatever happens, I will always love my body and mind, Even if it has different abilities Than other peoples' bodies and minds. I will always be happy, because I will always be me. May 2001 Heartsong I have a song, deep in my heart, And only I can hear it. If I close my eyes and sit very still It is so easy to listen to my song. When my eyes are open and I am so busy and moving and busy, If I take time and listen very hard, I can still hear my Heartsong. It makes me feel happy. Happier than ever. Happier than everywhere And everything and everyone In the whole wide world. Happy like thinking about Going to Heaven when I die. My Heartsong sounds like this- I love you! I love you! How happy you can be! How happy you can make This whole world be! And sometimes it's other Tunes and words, too, But it always sings the Same special feeling to me. It makes me think of Jamie, and Katie and Stevie, And other wonderful things. This is my special song. But do you know what? All people have a special song Inside their hearts! Everyone in the whole wide world Has a special Heartsong. If you believe in magical, musical hearts, And if you believe you can be happy, Then you, too, will hear your song. March 1996 Crystal Celebration Sometimes, Sunrise is like a heavenly crystal ball. Everyday, In the little bit of time between night and day, The Angels look at the earth To see how things have been and To see how things are going and To see how things will be. The sky changes from dark Into Angel-whites and Angel-golds. The blackness of trees starts to glow with Pinks and purples and oranges from their hearts. And during each dawn, All the Angels gather up and have A celebration in God's honor! And sometimes, You can even watch And join them in the celebrating. Just look out into the sunrise, Then jump into your own heart, Float into the air like in a dream, And pray with love and praise and thank-yous For your life, for your spirit, for your sunrise ... And for being a part of this heavenly crystal ball! December 1996 For Mr. Thompson The people who like poetry are special. They are the same people who hear Lullabies and wind chimes When the birds are noisy together. They are the ones who see Star-gifts in every season - Tree-stars in the fall, Snow-stars in the winter, Dandelion-fairy-stars in the spring, and Lightning-bug-stars in the summer. They are the ones who have Favorite colors that are wonderful gifts Like sunset or rainbow or treasure. They are the ones who have a Song in their heart and Words in their mind that Come together and slip out Into the air or onto paper as a gift To someone else, or even themselves. The people who like poetry are probably The ones who really like life, And who know how to celebrate Even when things are sad or happy. We remember that sometimes, Even if we don't understand why, That the rain falls for a reason. We remember how important it is To play after a storm, just because We need to keep playing and living. And, we are the people who remember To say thank You to God for our gifts. May 1996 Touch of Heaven What is it like to have a baby Fall asleep while holding your finger? It is a soft, precious touch. It is relaxing, yet exciting. It is a feeling of trust and importance. It is so soothing it makes me want to Fall asleep. It is a sign of peace and love. What is it like to have a baby Fall asleep while holding your finger? It is a great gift from Heaven. November 1999 The Language of God Do you know what Language God speaks? God speaks Every-Language. That's because God made Everyone and gave Everyone different languages. And God understands all of them. And, do you know what is God's Favorite language? God's favorite language is Not grown-up's language, But the Language of Children. That's because children Are special to God. Children know how to share, And they never lose Their Heartsongs. April 1996 A Handful of Mattie My fingers stand for Reader, Writer, Black Belt, Collector, And friend ... My palm stands for Heartsongs, Ebullient, spiritual, Honest, trustworthy, Brother, uniparental, Optimistic, inspiring, Diligent, savant, Peacemaker, and "Gift of God" - My hands raise in prayer for Giving thanks for my being Which stands for life. January 2000 Making Real Sense of the Senses Our eyes are for looking at things, But they are also for crying When we are very happy or very sad. Our ears are for listening, But so are our hearts. Our noses are for smelling food, But also the wind and the grass and If we try very hard, butterflies. Our hands are for feeling, But also for hugging and touching so gently. Our mouths and tongues are for tasting, But also for saying words, like "I love you," and "Thank You, God, for all of these things." April 1995 Climbing to Heaven In the winter, trees reach Up to touch the sky. Without their leaves, The trees look like hands And fingers stretching up So, so, so high. And if you look at the Tallest tree in our backyard, You can see that it is So, so, so close to Heaven. Perhaps we could go out And climb Up the tree, Up the hand, Up the fingers, And into the sky. Then, we could just step Through the clouds, ... And into Heaven. January 1996 About Angels Do you know what Angels wear? They wear Angel-halos and Angel-wings, and Angel-dresses and Angel-shirts under them, and Angel-underwear and Angel-shoes and Angel-socks, and On their heads They wear Angel-hair - Except if they don't have any hair. Some children and grown-ups Don't have any hair because they Have to take medicine that makes it fall out. And sometimes, The medicine makes them all better. And sometimes, The medicine doesn't make them all better, And they die. And they don't have any Angel-hair. So do you know what God does then? He gives them an Angel-wig. And that's what Angels wear. January 1995 Believing for the Journey Every day, Everyone in the world Should do at least One thing nice for others. Doing so can help each person Believe in himself or herself More fully, and Give confidence that may Inspire each person To do more and More new and good things For the self, For others, and For the world. Those positive attitudes And actions Can be the first of many steps Towards the journey For world peace. And world peace, Harmony, and Confidence are essential For our future. May 2000 Future Echo When I swing, I go everywhere, And yet, Nowhere at all. It's like being In the middle Of an echo, That hasn't left me yet, And so, It hasn't come back. I am between Yesterday and tomorrow, But still in my life of now. When I swing, I feel so happy, And excited, and peaceful, And yet, I feel a little bit lonely About the time that Will come, when I will not be Able to swing, anymore. And so, for now, When I swing, I move back and forth In the everywhere And the nowhere That is the understanding Of an echo - The echo of my spirit That grows from my life, And that sounds like A peaceful, but lonely cry, For the times When I swing Before I die. August 1999
Chapter TwoVietnam War MemorialA wall gives structure. It can divide and block. It can support and fortify. It can be a place to display Photos, writings, awards, And memories. But this, is The Wall. The Wall that gives structure To the insane losses of a war. The Wall that represents A nation divided and blocked. The Wall that supports too Many broken hearts and bodies. The Wall that fortifies the reality Of dead lives among the living. The Wall that reflects memories Of what was, of what is, Of what might have been, In photos, in letters and poems, In medals of honor and dedication, And in teddy bears, and flowers, And tears and tears and tears. This is The Wall, Born out of pain and anguish And guilt, That gives names to the children Of grieving mothers and fathers And to the spouses of widows And to parents of wondering children. This is The Wall That echoes sadness and fear, Yet whispers relief and hope. This is The Wall. May we be forever blessed by its Structure and fortitude and support, And may we be forever reminded Of the eternal divisions of war. February 2000 The Tiger Fights a Dragon in the Purple Sun When the sun sets, In the mist, The tiger and The dragon fight In the purple light. Who wins? Who knows? Thy who have Great Heartsongs know. The tiger of peace, or The dragon of anger. May 1998 Philosophy Glass Some people see a glass With some water in it and say, "Oh yes, that glass is half full!" Some people see a glass With some water in it and say, "Oh no, that glass is half empty!" I hope that I am one of the People who is always able to Look at each of my glasses and See them as at least half full. That's very important in life, Because if you live feeling like Your glass is half empty, well, It may as well be empty all the way. May 1997 On Being a Champion A champion is a winner, A hero ... Someone who never gives up Even when the going gets rough. A champion is a member of A winning team ... Someone who overcomes challenges Even when it requires creative solutions. A champion is an optimist, A hopeful spirit ... Someone who plays the game, Even when the game is called life ... Especially when the game is called life. There can be a champion in each of us, If we live as a winner, If we live as a member of the team, If we live with a hopeful spirit, For life. September 1999 Peace of Patience I cannot wait to become A peacemaker. I cannot wait to help The world overcome Anger, and problems of evil. I cannot wait for the world To be peaceful, And for everyone To live in harmony. I cannot wait to grow And be and overcome. But, I will wait, With patience, And hope, and peace. November 1999 Faces of Faith I wish that the people who have Anger and hatred and sadness Will remember about their Heartsongs, And get them back. Everyone is born with a Heartsong, But as we grow up, Sometimes we forget about it, Because we don't listen to it enough. And the people of war, well, They really need to get them back. Their Heartsongs really need to live, Because when we die, They are what rise up. I want that to happen to me. I want my Heartsong to rise up, and I am trying my best down here on earth. You really can go to Heaven. Everyone can. But sometimes, You have to sit in ThinkTime When you lose your Heartsong And that is sad because some people Who go sit in ThinkTime, They never come back And some people just think and realize, And then they come back. But if we remember to listen to our Heartsongs, We will not need to go to ThinkTime. Our songs will just rise up out of our hearts, And take our spirits straight on to Heaven. I will remember to listen to my Heartsong. I will remind others, especially the grown-ups, To listen to their Heartsongs, too. And for the people who have forgotten theirs, I will share mine with them. Maybe they will keep mine, and Maybe it will remind them of their own. But what really matters is that we Keep the faces of faith, and Listen to our Heartsongs, and live So that we can die and Live again. July 1996 (Continues...)
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