In a hilarious collection of satirical essays, the British columnist takes aim at cell phones, awards ceremonies, genetic sheep splicers, and America's right-wing clique of dunces, dunderheads, and dimwits--including George W. Bush. Original. 35,000 first printing. Introduction
My mother grew up during World War II and doesn't like to waste anything. So when she had a
new hip joint fitted recently she asked the doctor if she could take the old bone home for her dog.
I suppose I should just be grateful that she didn't boil it up to make a delicious stock. "What sort
of soup is this, Mother?" "It's Mom's hipbone and country vegetable." I told my friends this
story and we all had a good chuckle. But then I overheard one of them telling someone else and
as more laughter echoed around the pub I thought, "Hang on, what gives you the right to laugh at
my family?" And so it is with poking fun at your own country and its government. It's all very
well for Americans to satirize the Bush administration, but that doesn't give every liberal limey
the right to start sniping at the U.S. president.
Thus it is with some trepidation and a sense of humility that I offer this collection of essays to
you from the other side of the Atlantic. I love the United States and its people whom I know have
a great sense of humour, so please do not think that any criticism of your president or Republican
Party policies is an attack on you as a patriotic American (unless you yourself happen to be
reading this, Dubya, which-let's face it-is unlikely given the absence of pictures). It is
because the United States has historically been a beacon of free expression and democracy that I
worry about the direction in which its government is now leading the free world. You did a great
job throwing off the hereditary monarchy of George III. It just seems strange that you adopted
the hereditary presidency of George II.
I also have great respect for the American traditions of free speech as enshrined in the First
Amendment, and I was sort of hoping that this right might extend to non-U.S. citizens who
aspire to noble American values (i.e., making a quick buck by selling a load of jokes that have
been printed in British newspapers once already). My country is said to have a special
relationship with America, which is very important to us here in Britain, if only as an excellent
way to annoy the French. So I hope you understand that any jokes at your country's expense
from this particular Brit are very much in the spirit of a critical friend. Okay, maybe one of those
friends who stole your girlfriend and still owes you money and never calls you except to ask
unreasonable favours, but a friend nonetheless. With a degree of distance from the United States
and the American media it could even be that a British eye on topical events might offer a fresh
perspective. Some things seem normal just because things have always been that way where we
happen to live. When Vlad the Impaler was prince of Wallachia, many of his subjects were
shocked at the radical suggestions of visitors from abroad. "What, stop impaling people
altogether?!! Surely you mean gradually introduce some form of licensed impaling after hearing
evidence from the Guild of Impalers?"
In fact most of these pieces are not about American politics at all. Instead I have sought to cover
as wide a range of topics as possible, from human cloning to the Miss World competition to soft-core
pornography. (Come to think of it, these are all the same subject, aren't they?) I have tried
to avoid banging on and on about the issues that really bug me because I thought it might get a
bit boring for people to keep reading about car alarms and the uncooperative nature of my
printer. Most of the essays are about three pages each-the idea being that you can sit down and
read one piece a day, or possibly two, depending on whether you had All-Bran or boiled eggs for
breakfast. Or perhaps you are travelling and keep being interrupted by a fellow passenger
chatting to you, or maybe you're distracted by those bits of molten engine casing dropping off
the wing, and in these situations it can be hard to concentrate on some major literary classic. But
like the novels of Jackie Collins you can read this book in any random order and it will make no
difference whatsoever to how much you enjoy it.
This collection begins with George W. Bush well on the way to getting his new job, and ends
soon after Saddam Hussein loses his. Where there is some topical or peculiarly British reference
that might need further clarification I've inserted an asterisk to denote that there will be an
explanatory footnote at the bottom of the page. I have left in the dates that the pieces first
appeared although most of them are about issues that are very much still with us. This is only
one person's reaction to the great events and profound moral issues that are shaping the new
milennium millenium century. But as America heads toward the next presidential election I hope
there may be a few things here worth remembering before you vote. Most importantly I hope this
collection raises the occasional smile in a time when there seems to be less and less to laugh
about. As the old saying goes, "You either laugh or you cry." Or you think of Dubya being
elected to a second term and you do both.
JO'F-London, 2003
P.S. My apologies are offered for any factual inaccuracies discovered subsequent to publication,
but all details have been thoroughly researched by spending five minutes on the Internet and then
giving up. For example, to check the story of nurses giving sex education in schools, I called up
the search engine and entered the words "nurses" and "sex." And then I was thrown out of my
local library.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Global Village Idiot
by John O'Farrell
Copyright © 2003 by John O'Farrell.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Copyright © 2003
John O'Farrell
All right reserved.
Satirist O'Farrell is the U.K.'s answer to Dave Barry (he was named Best Columnist of the Year at the British Liars' Awards and contributed to the screenplay of Chicken Run). He collected his caustic columns from the Guardian for U.K. publication in 2001 and now offers a "slightly different version" for American readers. The cover shows Bush wearing a dunce cap. ``I've had gym teachers smarter than George W. Bush.... When Dubya takes his seat in the Oval Office the global village will finally be complete," O'Farrell wrote three years ago. "At last it will have its own global village idiot." But Bush isn't O'Farrell's only target, and the satirist doesn't deal in idle whimsy. He unleashes devilish darts across the full sociopolitical landscape, covering such topics as fox hunting, in vitro fertilization ("Who was the first baby ever to be produced through IVF? Why, Jesus Christ himself of course"), the high-tech war on terrorism ("Soon NATO forces will be able to blow up the wrong building far more quickly than they have been able to do in the past"), McDonald's and boxing ("Mike Tyson remains a role model for thousands. Where I live in South London far more young working class men have named their pet Rottweillers `Tyson' than say, `Chomsky' "). Most readers left of center will appreciate O'Farrell's humor; for them, the hilarity is so thorough that even the closing "Note on the Type" brings chortles. (Feb.) Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
|
Shopping Cart
