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Family . . . Friends . . . tender reflections of things past |
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1 | (24) |
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(We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. When we heard a noise at night we'd bark ourselves.) |
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Business . . . Occupations . . . Professions |
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25 | (58) |
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(The barber told me to use that hair tonic and my hair would come in heavy. Only one hair grew, but it weighed twelve pounds.) |
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Women . . . and . . . men |
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83 | (52) |
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(The hand that darns the sock is usually the one that socks the husband.) |
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Kids . . . childhood . . . school |
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135 | (34) |
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(Children are the light of the house, but when you have half a dozen of them it's time to shut off the light.) |
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Manners . . . tact . . . diplomacy . . . etiquette . . . mores |
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169 | (18) |
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(Never throw cigar butts in urinals. They get soggy and are hard to light.) |
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Drink . . . water . . . liquor . . . beer . . . and sundry liquids |
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187 | (22) |
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(I get drunk on water, as well as on land.) |
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Money . . . rich people . . . poor people . . . credit |
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209 | (24) |
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(I wasn't affected by the crash of '29. I went broke in '28.) |
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Travel . . . geography . . . history . . . vacations and tourists |
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233 | (24) |
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(In England they've been changing the guards for two hundred years. Guess they aren't big enough to change themselves.) |
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Marriage . . . courtship . . . dates and the pursuit |
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257 | (34) |
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(Matrimony is the process whereby love ripens into vengeance.) |
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Psycho . . . psychiatry, psychiatrists, neurotics . . . and just plain nuts |
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291 | (38) |
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(She tried to kill him with a look, But she was cross-eyed. So she killed another man.) |
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Mechanics . . . science . . . automobiles . . . inventions |
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329 | (14) |
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(My car is so old they gave me license plates with Roman numerals.) |
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343 | (24) |
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(I caught a fish so big I got up in the middle of the night and called myself a liar.) |
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367 | (16) |
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(When I told her my proposition her face grew crimson and gold--her old school colors.) |
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Show Business . . . radio . . . television . . . burlesque . . . movies . . . night clubs |
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383 | (46) |
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(They couldn't afford a rising orchestra pit, so they made the musicians stand up slowly.) |
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General . . . hotels . . . housing . . . nature . . . politics . . . weather . . . etc |
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429 | |
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(Everything is so overcrowded today that the cemeteries are only selling standing room.) |
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