Difficult Conversations How to Discuss What Matters Most

by Patton, Bruce; Stone, Douglas; Heen, Sheila

• ISBN13: 9780670883394
• ISBN10: 0670883395
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 1999-04-01
• Publisher: Viking Adult

Summary

Written by the Harvard Negotiation Project -- the group that produced the bestselling Getting to Yes -- this book sets forth a groundbreaking method and proven step-by-step approach that shows how to handle the most challenging conversations with more success and less anxiety. Asking for a raise. Ending a relationship. Saying "no" to your boss or spouse. Confronting disrespectful behavior. Apologizing. Conversations we dread, and often handle clumsily as a result, are part of all our lives: in boardrooms and family rooms, across the negotiation table and the dinner table. Now, Difficult Conversations teaches us how to handle these dialogues with more success and less anxiety.

Author Biography

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project. They have been consultants to businesspeople, governments, organizations, communities, and individuals around the world, and have written on negotiation and communication in publications ranging from the New York Times to Parents magazine. Bruce Patton is also a co-author of Getting to Yes. Each of them lives in Boston, Massachusetts.

Table of Contents

Foreword	vii
Roger Fisher
Acknowledgments	ix
Introduction	xv
The Problem	1	(20)
Sort Out the Three Conversations	3	(18)
Shift to a Learning Stance	21	(108)
The ``What Happened?'' Conversation	23	(2)
Stop Arguing About Who's Right: Explore Each Other's Stories	25	(19)
Don't Assume They Meant It: Disentangle Intent from Impact	44	(14)
Abandon Blame: Map the Contribution System	58	(27)
The Feelings Conversation	83	(2)
Have Your Feelings (Or They Will Have You)	85	(26)
The Identity Conversation	109	(2)
Ground Your Identity: Ask Yourself What's at Stake	111	(18)
Create a Learning Conversation	129	(106)
What's Your Purpose? When to Raise It and When to Let Go	131	(16)
Getting Started: Begin from the Third Story	147	(16)
Learning: Listen from the Inside Out	163	(22)
Expression: Speak for Yourself with Clarity and Power	185	(16)
Problem-Solving: Take the Lead	201	(16)
Putting It All Together	217	(18)
A Road Map to Difficult Conversations	235	(14)
A Note on Some Relevant Organizations	249