The Everything Parent's Guide to Dealing With Bullies

by Carpenter, Deborah

• ISBN13: 9781605500546
• ISBN10: 1605500542
• Edition: Original
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-07-18
• Publisher: Adams Media Corp

Summary

Mocking. Namecalling. Physical aggression. These experiences are all forms of bullying that can wreak havoc on a child’s self-esteem, safety, and general happiness. Both parents of bullied children and parents of bullies and are in a difficult situation: They want to protect their children and control their behavior without making the problem worse. Parents need a comprehensive, up-to-date guide to ensure that their children’s education and quality of life are not compromised. This book helps parents learn to: Recognize the signs of bullying Find out where bullying is taking place—at school, at a friend’s house, or on the Internet Understand the differences between bullying among boys and girls Teach social skills and assertiveness techniques Communicate with the parents of bullies Get support from teachers, counselors, and other school administrators Handle bullying situations involving children with special needs Written by Deborah Carpenter, a social worker and assistant principal, this guide gives parents all the tools they need to recognize the problem, treat it properly, and prevent it from happening again.

Author Biography

Deborah Carpenter is a writer and educator specializing in parenting, education, child development, children's health and safety, and family life issues. Ms. Carpenter spent fifteen years working in the field of education, most recently as an administrator (dean of students/assistant principal) at a K-12 school, where she dealt with bullying issues on a regular basis. She holds a master's degree in community social psychology and a bachelor's degree in psychology. Ms. Carpenter lives in Tyngsborough, MA. Christopher J. Ferguson, PhD is a licensed psychologist and assistant professor of clinical and forensic psychology at Texas AM International University. He has published more than twenty scientific articles and book chapters on issues related to violence, aggression, bullying, and mental health, and also wrote two books on violence and media violence. He lives in Laredo, TX with his wife and young son.

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. XIII
What Is Bullying?	p. 1
Definition of Bullying	p. 1
History of Bullying	p. 2
Facts and Statistics	p. 5
Common Markers of Bullying	p. 8
Bullying Versus Normal Conflict	p. 10
Why Most People Underestimate the Impact of Bullying	p. 11
The Triad: The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander	p. 11
Types of Bullying	p. 15
Verbal Bullying	p. 15
Physical Bullying	p. 19
Social, Relational, and Emotional Bullying	p. 20
Extortion	p. 23
Direct Bullying Versus Indirect Bullying	p. 24
Cyber Bullying	p. 26
Types of Bullies	p. 32
Confident	p. 32
Social	p. 33
Detached	p. 34
Hyperactive	p. 35
Bullied Bully	p. 36
Bunch of Bullies	p. 38
Gang of Bullies	p. 38
The Bully	p. 40
Characteristics of a Bully	p. 40
Why Do Some Kids Bully?	p. 43
The Bully's Role in the Triad	p. 47
The Stereotypical Bully	p. 47
Common Places Bullying Occurs	p. 48
The Mean Bully	p. 49
The Meaner Bully	p. 51
The Meanest Bully	p. 52
The Bullied	p. 53
Characteristics of a Bullied Child	p. 53
The Bullied Child's Role in the Triad	p. 55
The Making of a Victim: F-E-A-R	p. 56
Why Me?	p. 59
Why Victims Don't Tell	p. 61
The Victim Who also Becomes a Bully	p. 63
The Bystander	p. 64
Characteristics of a Bystander	p. 64
The Bystander's Role in the Triad	p. 65
Bystander Roles	p. 65
Why Bystanders Don't Tell	p. 68
Why Bystanders Aren't Innocent	p. 69
How Bystanders Can Stop Bullying	p. 70
Factors That Lead to Bullying Behavior	p. 73
Violence in the Family	p. 73
Lack of a Positive Role Model	p. 78
Violent Television	p. 79
Violent Video Games	p. 82
Prior Victim of a Bully	p. 84
School Failure	p. 85
Peer Rejection	p. 86
School Climate	p. 86
Common Bullying Myths	p. 88
Bullying Is a Normal Rite of Passage	p. 88
Kids Need to Learn to Defend Themselves	p. 90
Children Who Are Bullied Always Tell an Adult	p. 92
People Are Born Bullies	p. 95
Bullying Doesn't Happen at My Child's School	p. 96
Bullies Are Loners with No Social Skills	p. 97
Bullying Is a School Problem	p. 98
Warning Signs That Your Child Is Being Bullied	p. 100
Physical Clues	p. 100
Psychological Clues	p. 102
Educational Clues	p. 103
Most Likely Targets	p. 104
How to Respond (Dos and Don'ts)	p. 105
Steps to Take if Your Child Is Being Bullied	p. 107
The Consequences of Bullying	p. 111
Physical	p. 111
Emotional	p. 113
Educational	p. 114
Short-Term Effects of Being Bullied	p. 115
Long-Term Effects of Being Bullied	p. 117
How Parents Can Help	p. 118
Boy Bullies	p. 119
The Boys-Will-Be-Boys Myth	p. 119
The Danger of Stereotypes	p. 122
Physical Aggression	p. 123
Boys Bullying Girls	p. 126
Why Boys Bully Other Boys	p. 127
How Parents Can Help	p. 128
Girl Bullies	p. 129
Verbal Bullying	p. 129
When Girls Get Violent	p. 132
Group Bullying	p. 134
Why Girls Bully Other Girls	p. 136
The Good-Girl Persona	p. 137
How Parents Can Help	p. 137
The Ophelia Project	p. 140
How to Bully Proof Your Child	p. 142
Teaching Social Skills	p. 142
Ways to Improve Your Child's Self-Esteem	p. 144
Teach Your Child How to Be a Friend	p. 154
Encourage and Foster One Good Friendship	p. 157
Allow Your Child to Join a Group	p. 158
Enroll Your Child in a Self-Defense Class	p. 158
Teach Basic Prevention Skills	p. 159
Social Skills and Assertiveness Training	p. 160
Why Your Child Needs Social-Skills Training	p. 160
The Most Essential Social Skills For Kids	p. 161
Body Language	p. 163
Voice Quality	p. 166
Conversational Skills	p. 167
Friendship Skills	p. 168
Assertiveness Skills	p. 170
Parental Responsibility and Why Getting Involved Can Help Enact Change	p. 173
Fear of Making the Situation Worse	p. 173
Embarrassed by a Bullied Child	p. 174
Kids Beg Parents Not to Tell	p. 175
Parents Fear Being Seen as Overprotective	p. 176
Parents Want the Child to Stand Up for Herself	p. 177
Reasons Why Bullying Should Always Be Reported	p. 177
What Works in Bullying Prevention?	p. 178
Cyber Bullying	p. 186
Types of Cyber Bullying	p. 186
Why Cyber Bullying Has Become such a Problem	p. 193
You Can't See Me, I Can't See You	p. 195
Impact of Cyber Bullying	p. 195
Signs of Cyber Bullying	p. 197
Ways to Protect Your Child	p. 198
Responding to Cyber Bullying	p. 200
Prevent Your Child from Being a Cyber Bully	p. 202
What if My Child Is a Bully?	p. 204
Signs that Your Child Might Be a Bully	p. 204
Keep an Open Mind	p. 205
Intervention	p. 206
Teaching Your Child Friendship and Interpersonal Skills	p. 212
Create More Feel-Good and Do-Good Opportunities	p. 213
Engage in Constructive, Supervised Activities and Sports	p. 214
Limit Exposure to Violent Media	p. 215
Bullying Among Children with Special Needs	p. 217
Are Schools Protecting Your Children?	p. 217
Is Your Child Vulnerable?	p. 218
New Threat to Kids: Food-Allergy Taunts	p. 220
What Is Disability Harassment?	p. 224
What You Can Do if It Doesn't Stop	p. 225
What to Do if Your Child Is Being Bullied	p. 225
Is Legal Action Necessary?	p. 227
When Bullying Becomes a Crime	p. 229
Do You Know the Law in Your State?	p. 229
Directives in Bullying Laws	p. 232
Definition of Bodily Injury or Threat of Bodily Injury	p. 233
Dealing with Uncooperative School Officials	p. 234
Filing a Complaint	p. 236
Resolution	p. 238
Bullying Prevention Programs	p. 239
Why Zero Tolerance Policies Don't Work	p. 240
What Is a Zero Tolerance Policy?	p. 240
Why Zero Tolerance Actually Decreases Reports	p. 242
Student Exclusion Policies	p. 244
Bullies Need Intervention and Positive Role Models	p. 245
Other Misdirected Policies	p. 246
What Policies and Programs Should Be Implemented?	p. 247
How Students, Parents, Schools, and Communities Can Work Together	p. 250
Identify the Extent of the Problem	p. 250
Create an Awareness Campaign	p. 251
Implement Educational Programs	p. 252
Start a Peer-Counseling Program	p. 254
Specify Classroom Rules	p. 255
Practice Cooperative Learning Activities	p. 257
Increase Supervision in High-Risk Areas	p. 258
Whole-School Policies	p. 259
Glossary	p. 261
Resources	p. 271
Existing Anti-Bullying Education and Prevention Programs	p. 275
Anti-Bully Pledge for Use in the Classroom	p. 279
Index	p. 281
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