Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons

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  • Edition: Reprint
  • Format: Paperback
  • Copyright: 2005-12-13
  • Publisher: Center Street
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Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.com--an Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find "true love" rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that "broad-based compatibility" is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love offers 29 "dimensions of compatibility" to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. That's fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction.- Warren begins with weeding out bad characters. "If one of the partners in a relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship." Even if you're not the victim of these behaviors, you will be, claims Warren. So run, don't walk from the relationship. Seems like obvious common sense. Yet advice columnist are constantly answering letters from unhappily married men and women, complaining about these very forms of broken trust.- Warren also encourages readers to stop ignoring the early "red flags" of addictive personalities and psychological issues, such as chronic depression. Demand that the partner commit to professional help before you go any further with the relationship, he advises. Other compatibility issues include anger management, sexual passion, and family planning. While his advice is solid, it is conservative. For instance, he does not address homosexual love or allow homosexual partnering on his web site. Also, most of the discussion is geared toward traditional marriage as the final goal. --Gail Hudson

Author Biography

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, has counseled thousands of singles and married couples, and has become one of America's best-known experts on singles' issues, mate selection, and developing healthy relationships. His articles have appeared in numerous journals and magazines, and he has appeared on more than 3,000 radio and television programs, such as Oprah, CNBC, CNNFN and Focus on the Family.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Matchmaker, Matchmaker xi
1 How eHarmony Began 1(28)
2 Finding Your Soul Mate 29(24)
GROUP 1 The Screening Dimensions 53(46)
3 DIMENSION 1 Good Character
4 DIMENSION 2 The Quality of Your Self-Conception
5 DIMENSION 3 Watch Out for Red Flags
6 DIMENSION 4 Anger Management
7 DIMENSION 5 Obstreperousness
8 DIMENSION 6 Understandings About Family
9 DIMENSION 7 Family Background
GROUP 2 The Core Personal Dimensions 99(62)
10 DIMENSION 8 Intellect
11 DIMENSION 9 Similar Energy Levels
12 DIMENSION 10 Spirituality
13 DIMENSION 11 Education
14 DIMENSION 12 Appearance
15 DIMENSION 13 Sense of Humor
16 DIMENSION 14 Mood Management
17 DIMENSION 15 Traditional Versus Nontraditional Personalities
18 DIMENSION 16 Ambition
19 DIMENSION 17 Sexual Passion
20 DIMENSION 18 Artistic Passion
21 DIMENSION 19 Values
22 DIMENSION 20 Industry
23 DIMENSION 21 Curiosity
24 DIMENSION 22 Vitality and Security
2S DIMENSION 23 Autonomy Versus Closeness
GROUP 3 Skills That Can Be Developed 161(24)
26 DIMENSION 24 Communication
27 DIMENSION 25 Conflict Resolution
28 DIMENSION 26 Sociability
GROUP 4 Qualities That Can Be Developed 185(14)
29 DIMENSION 27 Adaptability
30 DIMENSION 28 Kindness
31 DIMENSION 29 Dominance Versus Submissiveness
32 Chemistry The Key Factor 199(6)
33 Commitment The Glue That Keeps It All Together 205(12)
Appendix A: Three Secrets to a Great Relationship 217(12)
Appendix B: Twenty Questions 229(2)
Appendix C: Similarities or Differences? 231(4)
How eHarmony Works 235

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