The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on and Be Happy Again When You Can't - or Won't - Forgive

by Egeberg, Gary

• ISBN13: 9780979440007
• ISBN10: 0979440009
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2008-01-02
• Publisher: Pathway Book Service

Summary

If so, you may have accepted the widespread notion that forgiving is the only way to heal. It's simply not true, and believing it can keep happiness out of reach. Leave the myth behind and discover the truth. You can heal without forgiving. You can move on and be happy again. This book shows you how. Book jacket.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements	p. ix
Preface	p. xi
Introduction	p. xv
Major Forgiveness Obstacles	p. 1
There Is No Clear, Universally Accepted Definition of Forgiving	p. 5
Dictionary Definitions of Forgiving Are Not Helpful	p. 8
Many Need a Reminder That Forgiving Is for Them-Not Their Offender	p. 10
The Head-Heart Dilemma	p. 13
Routine and Simplistic Advice to "Just Forgive" Is Often Harmful	p. 17
Religious and Family Baggage	p. 21
A Misused, Overused, or Ruined Word for Many	p. 24
A Double Standard for Women	p. 27
Impossible Litmus Tests of "True" Forgiveness	p. 30
What about Justice and Accountability?	p. 35
Six Common Reasons to Set Aside or Forget Forgiving - at Least Temporarily	p. 39
Troubling Feelings Such as Anger, Hatred, and Rage Are Overwhelming You	p. 43
Painful Memories, Vindictive Urges, or Arguments Are Upsetting You	p. 46
You Were Hurt Quite Recently and Your Inner Peace Has Been Shattered	p. 49
A Significant Change or Transition in Your Life Is Pending or Underway	p. 53
Fatigue-Mental, Emotional, Physical, or Spiritual-Has Drained You	p. 56
Religious Beliefs and Old Expectations Are Getting in the Way	p. 59
Eight Common Reasons to Set Aside or Forget Forgiving - Perhaps Permanently	p. 63
Abuse or Neglect Has Made Forgiving Impossible	p. 66
You or Someone Close to You Has Been Victimized by Crime	p. 70
An Accident, Negligence, or Wrongful Behavior Has Resulted in a Major Loss	p. 74
You Have Been Harmed by Religious Rigidity and Ignorance	p. 78
Your Sexual Orientation Has Resulted in You Being Hurt	p. 81
You Have Been Victimized by Racism	p. 84
Betrayal of a Serious Nature Has Left You Devastated	p. 87
Religious Help or Professional Therapy Hasn't Enabled You to Forgive	p. 91
Healthy Alternatives to Forgiving: What They Are and Why They Work So Well	p. 95
Some of the Healthy Alternatives to Forgiving	p. 98
No Religious or Personal Baggage	p. 102
The Focus Is on You and on Your Needs-Not on Your Offender	p. 105
Activate as Often as Needed to Manage or Alleviate Painful Memories	p. 109
Positive Thoughts and Warm Feelings Are Not Required	p. 113
Since You Suffered the Hurt, You Get to Decide How to Heal	p. 116
Preparing to Heal and Move Forward with Your Life	p. 121
Healing Is a Process-Not an Event	p. 125
An Overview of the Healing Process	p. 129
What to Expect Along the Way	p. 134
Activating Your Seven Intrapersonal Allies	p. 140
Doing a Hurt-Healing Cost Analysis	p. 149
Setting Your Intention to Heal and Move Forward with Your Life	p. 157
Healing, Moving On, and Being Happy Again	p. 163
What It Means to Heal, Move on, and Be Happy Again	p. 168
From "Why Me?" to "How Can I Begin to Heal and Move Forward?"	p. 173
Accessing and Activating Your Healthy Adult Power	p. 180
Accepting Yourself-Especially When Feeling Upset	p. 188
More on the Healing and Liberating Power of Acceptance	p. 195
Refuting Powerlessness, Relinquishing Pain, Reclaiming Possibilities	p. 200
A New Reference Point from Which to Reorient and Recreate Your Life	p. 206
Stopping the Orbit around Your Offender and Starting One Anew around You	p. 212
Staying in Present Time and Living Fully and Freely Today	p. 220
Safeguarding Your Inner Peace and Happiness	p. 231
Making Peace with the Past When You Can't-or Won't-Forgive Yourself	p. 241
Why Did I Do What I Did?	p. 246
Common Reasons Why So Many of Us Can't Seem to Forgive Ourselves	p. 252
Distinguishing Between Shame and Remorse	p. 259
The Can't-Win Shame Game	p. 266
From Debilitating Shame to Healing Remorse	p. 274
Making Peace with the Past	p. 285
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