Getting to Calm

by Kastner, Laura S.

• ISBN13: 9780982345405
• ISBN10: 0982345402
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-06-01
• Publisher: Parentmap

Summary

Parenting a teenager is tougher than ever, but new brain research offers new insight into the best way to connect with teens. With humor, wisdom and a deep understanding of the teenaged brain, noted teen expert Dr. Laura Kastner shows parents how to stay calm and cool-headed while dealing with hot-button issues everything from rude attitude and lying to sex and substance use -- with clear, easy-to-follow suggestions for setting limits while maintaining a close and loving relationship. Find out why Dr. T. Berry Brazelton calls Getting to Calm required reading for any parent who struggles with their teen!

Author Biography

Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D., is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington. A psychologist and mother of two, she writes and lectures widely on adolescence and family behavior. She and Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D., are the co-authors of three books, including Getting to Calm: Cool-headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens; The Launching Years: Strategies for Parenting Senior Year to College Life; and The Seven Year Stretch: How families Work Together to Grow Through Adolescence.

Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D., is a writer and the mother of four. With Laura Kastner, she co-wrote Getting to Calm: Cool-headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens; The Launching Years: Strategies for Parenting Senior Year to College Life; and The Seven Year Stretch: How Families Work Together to Grow Through Adolescence.

 

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. xiii
Introduction: Teen Difficulties Happen to the Best of Parents	p. xiv
When Your Sweet Child Morphs into a Sassy Teen	p. 1
Why Are Today's Teens So Rude?	p. 1
When to Try to Tame the 'Tude	p. 3
Staying Calm in the Face of Rudeness	p. 5
The Tricky Issue of Manners	p. 6
Family Story: A Mom Deftly Handles a Defiant Teen	p. 7
The Most Effective Parenting Style for Raising a Successful Teen	p. 12
When Smart Teens Do Really Dumb Things	p. 17
When-and Why-Teens Don't Use Their Heads	p. 17
Extraordinary Discoveries in Brain Science	p. 18
Why Emotion Often Trumps Reason in Teens	p. 20
Family Story: A Teen's Big Blunder Triggers Extreme Parent Reactions	p. 22
Helping Kids Learn from Their Mistakes	p. 26
The Myth of Immunity	p. 28
When Your Trustworthy Teen Pulls a Fast One	p. 31
Family Story: Skillful Handling of a Teen Crisis	p. 31
Stellar Strategies for Confronting a Teen	p. 35
Why Even Good Teens Lie	p. 37
Setting up Family Rules and Policies: Don't Forget to Have Them!	p. 38
Using the CALM Technique	p. 42
Dealing with Doubts: Do My Teen and I Have a Good Relationship?	p. 45
When You and Your Spouse Disagree	p. 48
The Family Fish Bowl	p. 48
Family Story: Parents at Their Wit's End	p. 54
Good Cop/Bad Cop: Why Nobody Wins	p. 59
How Decent Kids Turn into Problem Kids	p. 61
Four Triggers for Splitting Parents Apart	p. 64
When Your Teen Is Acting Like a Spoiled Brat	p. 69
The Epidemic of "Entitle-mania"	p. 69
Family Story: A Parent's Plan Backfires	p. 70
The Big Brush-off: A Teen's Favorite Weapon	p. 72
The Usual Slog with an Average Teen	p. 75
Q&A: How to Kick-start New and Better Habits for Truly Resistant Teens	p. 76
Family Story: If I Say "Yes," Will My Teen Love Me More?	p. 81
Weak Boundaries and Family-of-Origin Problems	p. 83
Pathways to Indulgence	p. 86
When You're Worried You're Losing Your Teen	p. 89
What Am I, Chopped Liver?	p. 89
Selfhood 2.0	p. 90
The Self-centeredness of Young Teens	p. 93
Lie Low and Wear Beige	p. 97
Family Story: A Dad Struggles with His Son's Choices	p. 98
Forks in the Road: Who Gets to Choose the Way?	p. 101
Identity Development: There's a Method to the Madness	p. 104
When They're Screaming at You-or Not Talking at All	p. 108
Family Story: A Savvy Mom Avoids a Mother-Daughter Tornado	p. 109
Dealing with Emotional Dumping	p. 113
Family Story: The Burdens of Boyhood	p. 116
Staying Connected when Your Teen Is Shutting You Out	p. 119
The "Girl Thing" and the "Boy Thing"	p. 121
When Teens Are Mean	p. 127
Why Bashing Your Teen's Friends Is a Bad Move	p. 127
Family Story: A Mom Helps Her Daughter Outwit an "Alpha" Friend	p. 129
How Parents Can Blow It by Overreacting to Peers	p. 134
Adolescent Social Bruises	p. 136
Social Cruelty on a Spectrum	p. 138
How "in" a Teen's World Should You Be?	p. 140
Strategic Moves for Banning Friends	p. 141
Nudging Shy Teens Along the Social Path	p. 143
When Your Teen Wants to Be Wired All the Time	p. 147
Family Story: A Turbo-charged Cyberidentity	p. 151
Family Story: Caught in the Web of a Cyberstalker	p. 154
Family Story: The Plague of Plagiarism	p. 156
Family Story: Pornography Invasion	p. 158
Family Story: Branding of Teens Like Cattle in a Herd	p. 161
Family Story: "Game Washed"	p. 163
Why Face Time Matters	p. 165
When Your Teen Is "Going Out"	p. 168
The Teen Brain in Love	p. 168
Family Story: A Mom Fears Her Son Is Falling for a "Fast Girl"	p. 170
Do's and Don'ts of Teen Dating for Parents	p. 175
Socializing, Romance, and Going Out	p. 176
Downsides of Romantic Relationships	p. 180
The Incredible Benefits of Dating	p. 182
When You Need to Talk About Sex	p. 185
Puberty Dawns	p. 185
New Bodies, New Challenges	p. 186
Talking to Teens About Sexuality: Myths and Misconceptions	p. 188
Family Story: Navigating the Tricky Waters of Talking About Sexual Intimacy	p. 192
A List for Teens Considering Sexual Intimacy	p. 198
New Trends on the Block	p. 200
Techniques for Talking About Sex	p. 201
When You're Fighting About Grades	p. 205
The Core Four	p. 207
What Kind of Student Is Your Teen?	p. 208
Family Story: A Lackadaisical Student Piles on the Excuses	p. 211
Help on the Home Front for Disappointing Grades	p. 216
Seven Top Tips for Boosting School Achievement	p. 219
What Matters More than the Numbers Game	p. 224
When You Catch Your Teen Drinking or Smoking	p. 227
Why Risk Is a Teen's Middle Name	p. 228
The Teen Brain and Substances: A Unique and Scary Brew	p. 231
Good Moves for Sticky Situations	p. 233
Write a Caring Letter to Your Teen	p. 240
Actions that Speak Louder than Words	p. 242
When Everyone Is Completely Stressed Out	p. 245
Family Story: A Scheduling Dilemma	p. 247
Why We Put Up with the Rat Race	p. 250
Crafting a Calmer Home	p. 253
A Strategic Plan for Building Family Health	p. 257
Notes	p. 261
Parent Resources	p. 265
Index	p. 268
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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