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STOP.You should not have touched this book with your bare hands.NO, don't put it down. It's too late.They're watching you.My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours.You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, aboutthe sauce, aboutKorrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're underthe eye.The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me. The important thing is this:The drug is calledSoy Sauceand it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do.Unfortunately for us, if you make the right choice, we'll have a much harder time explaining how tofight off the otherworldly invasioncurrently threatening toenslave humanity. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the verydark epochthe world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this is was my fault.
David Wong is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin, online humorist, National Lampoon contributor, and editor-in-chief of Cracked.com.