The Lost Art of Listening How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships

by Nichols, Michael P.

• ISBN13: 9781572301313
• ISBN10: 1572301317
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 1996-05-03
• Publisher: The Guilford Press

Summary

Why do we often feel cut off when speaking to the people closest to us family members, friends, or colleagues? What is it that keeps so many of us from really listening? Michael P. Nichols answers these questions and more in this thoughtful, witty, and helpful look at the reasons people don't hear one another. His book, a guide to the secrets of listening and being listened to, is filled with vivid examples that clearly demonstrate easy-to-learn techniques for becoming a better listener. He also illustrates how empathic listening enables us to break through misunderstandings and conflict and to transform our personal and professional relationships.

Author Biography

Michael P. Nichols, PhD, a Professor of Psychology at the College of William and Mary, is coauthor (with Salvador Minuchin) of Family Healing, and author of No Place to Hide and Turning Forty in the Eighties among other books. He is a popular speaker and has been a guest on television programs, including Oprah! and CBS This Morning.

Table of Contents

Introduction	1	(8)
PART ONE THE YEARNING TO BE UNDERSTOOD
``Did You Hear What I Said?''	9	(14)
Why Listening is So Important
``Thanks for Listening''	23	(14)
How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other
``Why Don't People Listen?''	37	(24)
How Communication Breaks Down
PART TWO THE REAL REASONS PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN
``When Is It My Turn?''	61	(14)
The Heart of Listening: The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs
``You Hear Only What You Want to Hear''	75	(13)
How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening
``Why Do You Always Overreact?!''	88	(21)
How Emotionality Makes us Defensive
PART THREE GETTING THROUGH TO EACH OTHER
``Take Your Time-I'm Listening''	109	(16)
How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen
``I Never Knew You Felt That Way''	125	(22)
Empathy Begins with Openness
``I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You''	147	(28)
How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity
PART FOUR LISTENING IN CONTEXT
``We Never Seem to Talk Anymore''	175	(21)
Listening Between Intimate Partners
``Nobody Around Here Ever Listens to Me!''	196	(28)
How to Listen and be Heard Within the Family
``I Knew You'd Understand''	224	(22)
Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues
Epilogue	246