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That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships



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At home, on the job, in a personal relationship, it's often not what you say but how you say it that counts. Deborah Tannen revolutionized our thinking about relationships between women and men in her #1 bestseller You Just Don't Understand. In That's Not What I Meant!, the internationally renowned sociolinguist and expert on communication demonstrates how our conversational signals-voice level, pitch and intonation, rhythm and timing, even the simple turns of phrase we choose-are powerful factors in the success or failure of any relationship. Regional speech characteristics, ethnic and class backgrounds, age, and individual personality all contribute to diverse conversational styles that can lead to frustration and misplaced blame if ignored-but provide tools to improve relationships if they are understood. At once eye-opening, astute, and vastly entertaining, Tannen's classic work on interpersonal communication will help you to hear what isn't said and to recognize how your personal conversational style meshes or clashes with others. It will give you a new understanding of communication that will enable you to make the adjustments that can save a conversation . . . or a relationship.

Author Biography

Deborah Tannen is Professor of linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. Her books include the New York Times bestsellers You Just Don't Understand, You're Wearing THAT?, Talking from 9 to 5, and You Were Always Morn's Favorite!. She has written for and been featured in numerous major newspapers and magazines, including the New York Times, Newsweek, USA Today, the Washington Post, and Time.

Table of Contents

Linguistics And Conversational Stylep. 15
The Problem Is The Processp. 17
The Workings Of Conversational Stylep. 29
Conversational Signals And Devicesp. 45
Conversational Signalsp. 47
Conversational Devices At Workp. 54
Conversational Strategiesp. 63
Why We Don't Say What We Meanp. 65
Why We Won't Say What We Meanp. 66
Why We Can't Say What We Meanp. 71
Framing And Reframingp. 82
Power And Solidarityp. 101
Talking At Home: Conversational Style in Close Relationshipsp. 119
Why Things Get Worsep. 121
Talk In The Intimate Relationship: His And Hersp. 133
The Intimate Criticp. 152
What You Can And Can't Do With Conversational Stylep. 175
Talking About Ways Of Talkingp. 177
Notesp. 201
Bibliographyp. 206
Indexp. 209
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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