The Way of Boys

by Rao, Anthony

• ISBN13: 9780061707834
• ISBN10: 006170783X
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2010-06-29
• Publisher: William Morrow & Co

Summary

Boys will be boys . . . It's time we stopped trying to "fix" them. Boys today are being bombarded with a slew of diagnoses--ADHD, Asperger's, bipolar disorder--at an alarming rate and at younger ages. "The Way of Boys" urges parents, educators, pediatricians, psychologists, and other developmental experts to reevaluate and significantly change how we deal with our youngest boys. When parents understand the wide spectrum for "normal boy development," they can successfully communicate with their son--and everyone in their son's life--and help him grow into a healthy and smart young man. Dr. Anthony Rao challenges some of the potentially harmful assumptions, attitudes, and behaviors we've developed toward young boyhood over the last few decades. "The Way of Boys" is a celebration of natural, constructive boyhood development and an expert, definitive handbook on what to look for and expect in normal growth.

Author Biography

Anthony Rao, Ph.D., has more than twenty years of experience working with young boys from all over the country, both at Harvard Medical School and in his own practice, Behavioral Solutions. He holds a doctorate in psychology from Vanderbilt University and has trained medical residents and interns at Children's Hospital in Boston.

Table of Contents

Your Problem is Spelled B-O-Y	p. 1
Faster Pace Equals Higher Demands
Other Contributing Factors
He's Just a Boy
Little Girls Aren't Like This	p. 17
The Machine
Systems Approach
Differing Responses to Stress
He Doesn't Have any Friends	p. 29
Almost Every Boy is Normal
Social Skills at Play
What's His Style of Play?
Action Leads to Talk
Encouraging Emotional Awareness
Why is He Playing Alone?
Socializing in School
Attachment and Separation
Separation Anxiety
He's a Bully	p. 49
Impulse Control
Practicing Boundaries at Home
Reading Social Cues
Sharing and Turn Taking
Empathy
Boys are Empathetic Late Bloomers
What are Appropriate Social Skills for Young Boys?
Bullying at School
How to Deal with the Bullying Label
What is a Bully?
Why is He Doing This?
Strategies for Containing Behavior at School
Setting Reminders
Practicing Calm
Be Patient
He Won't Sit Still!	p. 75
Energy to Burn
Signs That He's Not Moving Enough
Activities for Younger Boys
Activities for Older Boys
The Myth of Team Sports
Shouldn't He Learn to Sit Still?
Practicing Sitting Still
Get Outside
Causes of Movement
He Runs the Household	p. 93
What's Wrong with Time-outs?
Take it Away
Detention: The New Time-out
Time-Away is Better Than Time-out
What if He Won't Stay Put?
Wild Things
It's Not Just a Punishment
Diana's Story
The Long View
He has to Win, or Else	p. 107
What is Competition Good For?
Age-Appropriate Games
Keep it Fun
How Boys Learn About Winning and Losing
The First Loss
Losing Gracefully-or Not at All
The Battle Against Disappointment
Cheating is Developmental
What About Athletic Games?
Older Boys Who Struggle with Competition
He Wants to be the Bad Guy	p. 127
What's Good About Being Bad?
Role Playing
Violent Toys
How Much is Too Much?
How to Join in
Rules for Joining in
How to Set Limits
When He Crosses the Line
Why Consequences Work
He's Not Ready
When he Obsesses
The Link Between Bad Guys and Fear
Bad Boy Play Long Term
He's Suddenly Fragile	p. 147
Growing up isn't Easy
He Wants to Be the Best
He Won't Leave My Side
The Empathy Check
Where Have I Seen This Before?
I Hate You
The Mini-Manipulator
Learning Self-Talk
An Anger Plan
Give Him Headlines
He Hates School	p. 163
Why School isn't a Good Fit
Boosting His Behavior at School
The Short Course in Behavioral Adjustment
Making Home More Like School
Relating to the Teacher
Practice Adult Empathy First
Making the Home-School Connection
Talking to Your Son
Take the Direct Approach at Home
Labels aren't always the Answer
Techniques for Home and Classroom
Keep the Relationship Positive
Problems are Often Situational
The Pressure to Fix it
The End of Summer
The Teacher Thinks He Needs Testing	p. 195
When is Testing Helpful?
When is Testing not Useful?
When Testing Goes Awry
What's an IEP, Anyway?
Ignore Diagnostic Language
If They Say Your Son Needs Testing
Listen Even if You don't Agree
Know Your Own Style
The Parent-Teacher Conference
Keep Track of What's Said
Updates from Home
Communication Breakdown
Intervention-Style Meetings
Practice Moderation
But I don't want him Tested
Useful Accommodations
When to Refuse Accommodations
Changing Schools
Getting More Support and Help
He Has Already Been Labeled	p. 223
The Criteria of a Symptom
Tracking His Behavior-Is It a Real Problem?
What are the Tests?
Other Tests You May Encounter
What's the Rush?
What a Diagnosis Fails to Say
Get a Second Opinion
Medication
Sadness and Anxiety
What about Placebo Effects?
What Will He be Like as a Grown Man?	p. 243
Brett-the Boy in Charge
Kenny-Mr. Inflexible
Ben-the Worrier
Ronny-Mr. Meltdown
Some Final Thoughts
Acknowledgments	p. 267
References	p. 269
Index	p. 281
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