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| Author's Note | 6 | (1) | |||
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| Acknowledgments | 13 | (6) | |||
| Introduction | 19 | (6) | |||
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| Appendix I A Summary of the 30-Day Process Guidelines | 191 | (4) | |||
| Appendix II Frequently Cited Traits | 195 | (5) | |||
| Appendix III A Sample List of Thirty Traits | 200 |
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Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is...to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.
‹Dr. Stephen R. Covey,The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Few of us would argue that in our most quiet and reflective moments, we suspect -- or perhaps know -- that underneath it all we are innately good people. I believe it is in these moments that we wonder if others see this in us as well. And thus we warm to hearing our goodness validated or affirmed by those around us, especially those who mean the most to us.
The warmth cools, however, when we bump up against at least two learned beliefs: The first is that it is rude to come right out and ask others what qualities they admire in us; the second is that our self-worth is less dependent on what others think about us than on what we think about ourselves. While I concur that there is some validity to theintentionsbehind these beliefs, I also believe that to embrace them exclusively, independent of the input of others, limits our getting what we want and deserve from others, an ongoing validation that our goodness is seen and valued by those who are most important to us.
As human beings we are greatly underacknowledged and underappreciated. The irony is that we didn't start out that way. As infants, we received an almost unlimited amount of positive feedback and attention. Even our burps and wails were oohed and aahed over by adults whose behavior made us believe that our every movement and utterance was something special. Someone has said that we see children as geniuses because they haven't been hypnotized by limitations. Somewhere along the way, however, the very things for which we used to be praised began to be ignored -- or worse yet, we were chastised for them. We slowly but surely learned that who we are in and of ourselves is not praiseworthy; that we must now exhibit approved-of learned behaviors if we are to continue to receive a positive response.
Eventually, absent some kind of sustained affirming input, we tend to disconnect from our intrinsic qualities. We choose instead to believe the social mirrors that constantly compare us to impossible norms. As a result, that which we know to be good about ourselves becomes mired in self-imposed criticism from which we rarely allow ourselves to recover. Thus, the reminder from another of the qualities we possess becomes a powerful connector that intrudes most effectively on those self-imposed limitations.
It is not my intention in this book to provide a mass of psychological data that confirm our need to be validated. I am not qualified to do so, nor do I believe such information is necessary to support the premise of this book -- namely, that it is in our own and others' best interest to provide some kind of ongoing, sustaining affirmation of the value and contributions of those around us.
Much of this book is focused on the workplace, since surveys have shown for a long time that we are missing the mark at the organizational level when it comes to affirming the contributions of employees. Employees are the folks who make it possible for a business to make a profit, keep its customers, and go about the day-to-day routine of keeping the doors open and the company running.
Another reason this book targets employers as the logical starting place is that corporate America is one of the most influential places I know of for getting the word out to as many people as possible that they are valued, appreciated, and acknowledged. This is because sooner or later most of us wind up in the workplace. The amount of time we spend in our home environments, growing up or in school, is usually much shorter than the amount of time we spend working.
Selfishly stated, I want to reach as many readers as possible, and I believe that focusing on the work environment can accomplish that. That admission notwithstanding, I am also committed to showing what happens when acknowledgment begins at home, as Chapter 11 will demonstrate.
I don't know about you, but I like the idea that others see in me the qualities I like about myself -- and are willing to tell me so. This doesn't mean that I am not a whole person without other people's input. Rather, it means simply that I enjoy knowing that some of the qualities I have consciously chosen to develop are noticed and appreciated by others. And I want others to know that I admire and appreciate the virtues that make them special to me.
I am hopeful that the 30-Day Process of acknowledgment introduced in this book will be a useful mechanism for nudging us in the direction of getting the job done when it comes to celebrating the good news about us.
Copyright © 2001 by Dottie Bruce Gandy
Chapter OneBeyond the Paycheck...for a Reason
Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying "Make me feel important."
‹Mary Kay Ash
Charles Plumb, a U.S. Naval Academy graduate, was a jet pilot during the Vietnam War. After seventy-five combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb safely ejected and parachuted into enemy territory. He was captured and spent six years in a Communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on the lessons he learned from that experience.
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrierKitty Hawk.You were shot down!"
Somewhat surprised, Plumb asked, "How in the world did you know that?"
The man replied, "I packed your parachute."
Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked."
"It sure did. If the chute you packed hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today," Plumb responded.
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. He says, "I kept wondering what he might have looked like in a navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said good morning, how are you, or anything else, because, you see, I was a fighter pilot, and he was just a sailor."
Now Plumb asks his audiences, "Who's packing your parachute?"
Plumb's story is a compelling reminder that our lives are richer and our work easier because of those who are committed to doing what is asked of them and doing it well. Surely they are worthy of our recognition.
Experts of all kinds have told us for years that next to physical survival, one of our deepest needs as human beings is to be affirmed or validated for who we are and what we contribute.
Nowhere is this more dramatically demonstrated than in the workplace. For at least the last twenty-five years, business surveys have reminded us that one of the main reasons employeesvoluntarilyleave their jobs is that they do not feel valued for their contributions in human terms. Robert Half International Inc., for example, reports that as many as 25 percent of good employees who quit their jobs cite a lack of appreciation as their reason. With the average national job turnover at 2.7 million a year, thanks in part to the lure of start-up companies, the problem is approaching a near-crisis level.
In 1999, whenInc.magazine announced its annual list of the five hundred fastest-growing companies in the nation, 47 percent of those named said that not being able to attract and keep qualified employees was their number one inhibitor to growth.
The conclusion to be drawn is fairly simple: Employees who feel acknowledged for who they are and what they contribute tend to stay with their organizations. Those who don't, leave.
While some of those who leave say they are doing so for more money or a more impressive title, it takes little probing to realize that what many of them are really telling us is "Maybe if I earn more money or have a fancier title, I willfeelmore valued." They arrive at their new jobs full of hope. However, absent a culture that provides some authentic validation of who they are and what they contribute, their frustration surfaces all over again, and for many the job search resumes.
The irony of this chase for recognition is that employees have come to accept the fact that they will probably spend their working years being underacknowledged and underappreciated. They learn to settle for a work environment that asks much and gives back much less. That such an approach is costly to employers seems to be incidental to avoiding the challenge of taking the (inexpensive) time to let the people they count on the most know just that.
From my perspective, it seems almost insane to think that businesses would spend more and more of their budget dollars on expensive reward and recognition programs that get a much lower return on employee productivity than they would to institute a culture where individuals are routinely honored and productivity soars. This alone argues for a new approach.
What seems to be missing is the kind of acknowledgment that inspires employees to perform at extraordinary levels; that engenders the kind of loyalty that ensures rather than impedes growth; that results in a corporate culture founded on respect for the individual.
Even the enlightened workplaces that recognize the need to provide such a culture seem to flounder when it comes to implementation. At best they look for more and more ways to honor employees through elaborate reward and recognition programs, heaping expensive gifts and extravagant travel on the few who are fortunate enough to be singled out for honor. What they fail to do, however, is let their employees know, across the board and on a day-to-day basis, that who they are matters and what they contribute makes a difference.
I'm talking about the simplicity of saying something like "I know we ask a lot of you, and I can't see that changing. What I want you to know, however, is how much we appreciate who you are and your willingness to show up every day and do your job well." Over and over again while I was collecting data for this book, employees said they would happily trade the occasional gift/trip for a job done well for a sincere, repeated pat on the back that would let them know their efforts are appreciated.
One employee who voluntarily left his position with a well-known nonprofit organization because he didn't feel his efforts were acknowledged said, "I would have stayed for a smile."
This book offers a unique 30-Day Process that responds to our desire to provide the kind of acknowledgment that gives us what we seek from those who matter most‹a reminder that we are intrinsically good people worthy of such appreciation. Specifically, the 30-Day Process extends an invitation to see the contributions and qualities of others in a way that we have never done, one that goes beyond the obvious to the intrinsic.
This is not a book about reward and recognition. This is a book about acknowledgment. The distinction lies in the outcome. If what you are seeking is short-term, temporary loyalty, reward and recognition programs will suffice. If you are looking for long-term sustainable improvement in workplace performance and retention, acknowledgment is the key.
The 30-Day Process explained later in this book invites us to share, face-to-face, a different quality or trait that we admire and appreciate about another person‹every day for thirty days. (For those of you who blanch at the thought of promising to doanythingfor thirty days, hang on until you know the rest of the story.)
Along with the process, this book makes a strong case for what happens when such acknowledgment is provided on an ongoing basis, as well as what happens when acknowledgment is withheld or used inappropriately.
While the 30-Day Process will create happier and more productive employees, it is actually the means to a much larger end, a new outlook for the manager/company that fosters an atmosphere in which everyone thrives. The process quickly becomes self-affirming when it is understood that we cannot see in another that which does not already exist in us. In other words, the resulting exhilaration is felt as much by the one giving the compliments as by the one receiving them.
This book also explores the domino effect that occurs: one person, appropriately acknowledged, tends to pass the acknowledgment on, almost unconsciously, until one day the organization's employees look around and notice that something is very different. The process teaches us to think differently about the people we employ, just as Charles Plumb now thinks differently about those who packed his parachutes. In other words, the 30-Day Process, initially an end in itself, becomes the tail that wags the dog in its capacity to transform the workplace by elevating acknowledgment from a random act of appreciation to a sustained, intentional way of being.
Chapters 12 to 14 of this book profile three very different organizations that have "gotten it" with respect to the kind of acknowledgment I'm talking about. These companies understand the difference between workplace appreciation that is acome fromrather than ahow-to.
The idea for the 30-Day Process surfaced during a performance review in 1996. At the time I was directing the Dallas office of the Franklin Covey Company. For a long time, I have been significantly influenced by the teachings of Dr. Stephen R. Covey in his international best-seller,The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.Of particular value to me has been his concept of "making deposits into the emotional bank account" of another person as a way of building trust in a relationship. Since traditional performance reviews have hardly been thought of as a way to build trust, I wondered if there was a way to blend these two ideas.
Thus, in 1996, when it was time to conduct a performance review with one of my staff, I suggested the nontraditional approach of asking if, over the course of the next thirty days, I could share with that person different things I admired and appreciated about her (which, I hoped, would be viewed as deposits into her emotional bank account). The results, as you will hear more about in the next chapter, were phenomenal.
I then tried the same process with large numbers of individuals, both inside and outside the workplace. The results were similarly impressive.
Eventually, I elected to resign my position with the Franklin Covey Company to devote myself full-time to researching and writing about what happens when organizations (and individuals) take on the task of acknowledgment in a way that produces extraordinary results.
I conducted workshops with a variety of companies to determine the outcome when people feel fully valued for their contributions. This book will expand on those results. I will examine the consequences of offering -- and withholding -- the kind of workplace validation we so richly deserve and desire.
In the chapters that follow, I share the significant results of what happens when individuals reconnect with their own goodness by helping another connect with his or her intrinsic qualities. I share stories about the long-term, sustainable transformation that occurs when individuals are affirmed and validated, when their gifts and skills are revealed and celebrated.
According toMerriam-Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary,one definition of acknowledgment is an "admission of the truth...about our true character." Thus, I am writing about the kind of acknowledgment for which most of us yearn but rarely get, that which validates our "true character." Specifically, I want to encourage each of us to do a better job -- for some of us amuchbetter job -- of letting the people around us know how much we appreciate the qualities, skills, and competencies that make life and work a little better.
It is my hope that this book will become an indispensable tool for "breaking the good news" about ourselves.
Copyright © 2001 by Dottie Bruce Gandy
Excerpted from 30 Days to a Happy Employee: How a Simple Program of Acknowledgment Can Build Trust and Loyalty at Work by Dottie Bruce Gandy
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
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