Always Dad

by Mandelstein, Paul

• ISBN13: 9781413304954
• ISBN10: 1413304958
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2006-05-30
• Publisher: NOLO

Summary

The guide for fathers who want to remain an integral part of their children's lives during and after divorce. Remain an integral part of your kids' lives during and after divorce. Finalist for The Publishers Marketing Association's Benjamin Franklin Award. More and more, divorced fathers are finding out that rather than being one half of a "broken" home, they can continue to play a crucial role in their children's lives. You can, too. Turn to Always Dad and discover how to work with your ex to create a fulfilling extended family, one that can help ensure that your kids grow up in an enriching, loving environment.

Author Biography

Paul Mandelstein began his quest to help fathers remain involved in their children's lives by creating the non-profit Father Resource Network (www.father.com) in 1999. Today he serves as chairman and executive director of the network is in demand to facilitate workshops, lectures and media events focused on fatherhood in the 21st century. Mr. Mandelstein is himself a divorced father with three children. He lives in Mill Valley, California.

Table of Contents

Introduction Lemons into Lemonade
A Chance for Growth	4	(1)
Getting Started	5	(1)
It's All About the Kids	6	(7)
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
One Last Try	13	(3)
Honoring the Bonds of Our Children	16	(8)
Taking Care of Yourself	24	(2)
Who Moves Out?	26	(4)
Leave the Lawyer Stuff for Later if You Can	30	(1)
Money, Money, Money, Money	31	(2)
Hang In There	33	(6)
Creating Your New Home
Making a Home	39	(2)
Location, Location, Location	41	(3)
Make Room for the Kids	44	(2)
What's Cookin?	46	(1)
Excuse Me! Do I Look Like a Taxi?	47	(2)
Remember You're Human	49	(1)
Taking Stock	50	(6)
Daily Life as a Single Dad
A Typical Day	56	(2)
On Less-Than-Ideal Days	58	(5)
Managing the Details	63	(3)
Caring for Your Kids	66	(3)
Baby Sitters and After-School Care	69	(1)
Homework, TV, Games, and Leisure	70	(2)
``Right Speech'' and Staying Focused on the Future	72	(6)
The Noncustodial Dance
Dealing with the Changes	78	(3)
Some Things Don't Change	81	(1)
Staying Connected	82	(2)
Different Voices, Different Homes	84	(2)
Establishing Your House Rules	86	(3)
Getting Flexible at Work	89	(1)
Show Up When You Say You Will	90	(1)
Presence, Not Presents	91	(6)
Ex-Communications: 10 Ways to Make Talking to Your Ex Easier
Be Nice	97	(1)
Spare the Kids	98	(1)
Get Help	98	(1)
Take 24	99	(1)
Create Clear Boundaries	99	(1)
Don't Try to Change Her	100	(1)
Find Ways to Agree	100	(1)
Listen to Your Ex-Spouse without Defending Yourself	100	(2)
Let Your Ex Have Her Way While Not Giving Up Yours	102	(1)
Ask for What You Want	102	(1)
Bonus Advice: Ground Rules for Face-to-Face Meetings	103	(6)
Settling Up: Legal and Custody Issues
The High Cost of Conflict	109	(2)
The Basics of the Legal Divorce	111	(11)
Dividing the Pie: Spousal Support and Property Division	122	(10)
How to Choose an Attorney	132	(1)
Making a Paper Trail	133	(1)
When You Have to Fight	134	(5)
Assume the Impossible Is Possible	139	(1)
Don't Underestimate Your Stress	140	(2)
Opportunities for Personal Growth	142	(3)
Let's Get Real About the Kids
Becoming the Parent You Want to Be	145	(8)
Keeping Your Kids Out of the Fray	153	(3)
Setting Limits	156	(12)
Watching for Signs of Stress in Your Kids	168	(6)
Our Teenagers, Ourselves	174	(10)
Keeping Yourself Together
Recognizing and Managing Stress	184	(3)
10 Not-So-Hard-and-Fast Rules for Managing Stress	187	(2)
Recognizing and Managing Depression	189	(2)
Choosing Your Problems	191	(5)
Letting Go of Your Problems	196	(3)
Don't Go It Alone	199	(5)
Birthdays and Holidays
Happy Birthday for All	204	(2)
Have a Happy Holiday	206	(1)
10 Tips for Keeping Birthdays and Holidays Sane and Happy	207	(9)
Kids, Friends, Dating, and Lovers
The Dating Game: Ready or Not?	216	(3)
Back in the Game	219	(2)
Dating and Your Ex	221	(3)
Introducing Your New Love to the Kids	224	(7)
You're the Boss of You	231	(2)
When Your Ex Starts Dating	233	(6)
Taking a Chance on Love Again: Remarriage and Blending Families
Parenting in a Blended Family	239	(8)
Make Space for Mourning, and Change Will Happen	247	(1)
New Family, New Rituals	248	(2)
Dealing with Your Ex About Your Marriage---and Hers	250	(3)
Do We Really Have to Talk About This?	253	(3)
Nurturing Your Relationship	256	(1)
Nurturing Your Extended Family	256
Appendix Divorce and Fathering Resources
Index