The Available Parent Expert Advice for Raising Successful, Resilient, and Connected Teens and Tweens

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  • Edition: 2nd
  • Format: Paperback
  • Copyright: 2014-06-17
  • Publisher: Viva Editions
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We have a tendency today to over-parent, micro-manage, and under-appreciate our adolescents. Dr. John Duffy's The Available Parent is a revolutionary approach to taking care of teens and tweens. Teenagers are often left feeling unheard and misunderstood, and parents are left feeling bewildered by the changes in their child at adolescence and their sudden lack of effectiveness as parents. The parent has become unavailable, the teen responds in kind, and a negative, often destructive cycle of communication begins. The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and solutions, but not insisting on them. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures — he is available but not controlling. He is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever. The available parent is fun and funny, and can bring levity to the most stressful situation. All of that is to say, there are no conditions to his availability — it is absolute.

Author Biography

John Duffy is a clinical psychologist and certified life coach with a thriving private practice. In addition to clinical work, Duffy also consults with individuals, groups, and corporations. Dr. Duffy's highly satisfied clients include Sears, Allstate, General Electric, Household Financial, Exxon Mobil, Accenture, Bank of America, and Hewitt Associates. He lives in Chicago.

Table of Contents


Prologue and Author's Note

The Nature of Availability
Radical Optimism
The Good-Enough Teenager
What Do I Know?
Availability: Your Mandate as a Parent

Part 1: Your Teenager's Wild World
Too Much Data, Too Little Filter
This Isn't Kansas Anymore
The Adolescent Mind
Social In-security
Breaking Away
The Nature of Teen Rebellion
Intimacy: More Than Hooking Up
Body Image: The Locker Room Terror
What About the Gay Issue?

Part 2: What Never Works
Why Lectures Never Work
Why Vicarious Living Never Works
Why Micromanaging Never Works
Why Snooping Never Works
Why Underestimating Never Works
Why Blinders Never Work
Why Judging Never Works
Why Smothering Never Works
Why Coddling Never Works
Why Overindulgence Never Works
Why Bribery Never Works
Why "Good Cop, Bad Cop" Never Works
Why Waiting Never Works

Part 3: What Always Works

Check Your Ego
Don't Make It About You
Emotional Role Modeling
Tapping Your Intuition

Gaining Traction
Deposits in the Emotional Bank Account
Simple Acknowledgment
The Multiple Benefits of Laughter
The Ozzy Connection

Communication and Connection
The Power of Music
Other Ways to Connect
The Friendship Debate
Shifting the Energy

Protect Time
Step Away from the iPhone!
u cn txt ur kid, k?

Calm, Clear Consequences
Disciplinary Action
Punishment, Rewards, and Consequences
The Behavioral Contract
When to Say No: Following Your Intuition

See the Light
Fondness and Admiration
Finding Those Corners Where Strengths Dwell
Supporting Your Teen's Interests
Building Self-Esteem or Self-Mastery
What about the Weird Kid?

Be the Change
Inspiration by Example
When Not to Be Available: Parent as Consultant

Why Available Parenting Always Works

Final Note: My Hope for You

About the Author

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