Acknowledgments | p. xi |
Introduction: First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage | p. xiii |
Before It Was Too Late | p. 1 |
What Do Baby Chickens Eat? | p. 1 |
The First Trimester (Now It's Too Late) | p. 5 |
Testing, Testing: One, Two, Three ... | p. 5 |
Mom and Dad, I'm Not a Virgin | p. 9 |
The Garfunkel Syndrome | p. 12 |
The Worst Day, Ever | p. 15 |
What's Happening to Me? | p. 18 |
How to Tell Your Boss You're Pregnant | p. 21 |
Be Still My Beating Heart | p. 25 |
The Second Trimester | p. 28 |
This Is a Kick | p. 28 |
The Awful Truth about Pregnancy | p. 31 |
Talking about Sex with Strangers | p. 35 |
The Name Game | p. 39 |
The Dad-to-Be's Chapter | p. 42 |
Finally! Some Good Advice | p. 45 |
Maternity-Clothes-Minded | p. 49 |
The Third Trimester | p. 53 |
Where Babies Come From | p. 53 |
Everything a Baby Really Needs | p. 57 |
Womb with a View | p. 60 |
On Childbirth and Cheese-Steak | p. 64 |
The Secret Fantasy of All Pregnant Women | p. 68 |
Letters to a Baby on the Way | p. 72 |
A Mother's Work Is Never Done | p. 80 |
Momsomnia | p. 83 |
The Birthday | p. 88 |
I Remember the Day You Were Born | p. 89 |
The Fourth Trimester | p. 98 |
The Houseguest from Hell | p. 98 |
Welcoming Wishes | p. 102 |
Parentnoia | p. 107 |
The Baby Boom | p. 111 |
Naked Bliss | p. 114 |
What's That Smell? | p. 117 |
How to Dress a Baby | p. 121 |
Dads Don't Mind (Another One by Adam) | p. 125 |
Becoming a Mother | p. 128 |
How to Change a Diaper | p. 132 |
Mother Love | p. 135 |
A Day in Cold Hell | p. 138 |
A Taste of Baby Blues | p. 141 |
Good Times and Guilt | p. 147 |
I've Found My Inner Martha | p. 147 |
We're Bad Parents. Really Bad | p. 153 |
Lucy in the Sky with Diapers | p. 157 |
Uptown Girl | p. 160 |
The Ever-Changing Baby Face | p. 163 |
My Breast Friends | p. 167 |
Solid Food, Solid Sleep | p. 170 |
The Great Baby-Clothes Debate | p. 175 |
Why I Quit My Job | p. 181 |
More Than We Can Chew | p. 188 |
The Tooth Hurts | p. 188 |
A Guy's Guide to Baby Holding | p. 193 |
Back in the Running | p. 197 |
Two Plus One Equals Enough | p. 202 |
I Love Lucy and She Loves Me | p. 206 |
Uncle | p. 211 |
The Model Child | p. 215 |
The Thing with Lucy's Mouth | p. 218 |
Lucy on the Loose | p. 222 |
The Myth of Mother Knows Best | p. 227 |
Getting a Life | p. 231 |
The Leather Anniversary | p. 231 |
How to Put a Baby to Sleep | p. 236 |
The Age of the Cheerio | p. 242 |
Pets vs. Babies | p. 246 |
Lucy's First Word | p. 249 |
Lucy Learns a Lesson | p. 253 |
Was I Ready for This? | p. 257 |
Clash of the Parents | p. 263 |
Lucy Is One | p. 267 |
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