Introduction | p. xi |
Literary Baked Meats | |
Omelette Littéraire | p. 3 |
Dr Johnson's Gulosity | p. 5 |
Knorr and a Nice Jelly | p. 8 |
Come and Get it | p. 9 |
Bovril: And World Domination | p. 12 |
Milk of Kindness; Grapes of Wrath | p. 14 |
To Finish With, a Lorna Doone Biscuit | p. 17 |
The Body of Literature: Heads, Lungs, Hearts, and Bowels | |
Head Cheese | p. 23 |
Heady Stuff | p. 24 |
Asthma and Genius | p. 25 |
Proust and Asthma | p. 28 |
James's Irritably (Frigid) Bowel Syndrome | p. 30 |
Irritable Bowels (II) | p. 32 |
Ill Wind | p. 33 |
Ill Wind (II) | p. 36 |
Hardy's Heart | p. 39 |
Hardy's Heart (II) | p. 41 |
Can We Clone Dickens? | p. 44 |
Tools of the Trade | |
'Set it Down': But How Exactly? | p. 49 |
The First Typewriter-Writer | p. 51 |
Jack versus Blick | p. 52 |
The Computerised Novel | p. 55 |
Serving the Writer | p. 58 |
Sex and the Victorians | |
First-Night Nerves | p. 63 |
The Carlyles' Wedding Night | p. 66 |
Dorothea's Wedding Night | p. 67 |
George Eliot's Two Honeymoons | p. 71 |
The Language of Flowers | p. 72 |
Green Carnations (continued) | p. 75 |
Love My Manuscript More Than You | p. 76 |
Better Than Sex, Some Say | |
Three Castles | p. 81 |
Bond's Baccy | p. 83 |
Make Mine du Maurier | p. 84 |
Du Maurier the Younger: Cigarettes Again | p. 87 |
Du Maurier the Third: Rebecca | p. 88 |
Some Curious Literary Records: Best, Worst, and Most | |
The Worst Novelist Ever | p. 93 |
The Best Novel(ist) Ever | p. 96 |
My Pen is Quick | p. 98 |
Slow Coach | p. 100 |
Hardest Working | p. 101 |
The Most Arduous | p. 104 |
Chalk, Pen, or Typewriter? | p. 106 |
Little Writing | p. 107 |
Writing Long | p. 110 |
Writing Short | p. 112 |
The Shortest Poem | p. 114 |
The Most Productive Holiday in English Literature | p. 116 |
Most Misquoted | p. 119 |
Literary Crimewatch (and Gunplay) | |
Rape and the Ethical Classroom | p. 125 |
In the Dock: Ma Hump | p. 129 |
The First Spliff | p. 132 |
Literary Assault and Battery | p. 134 |
Gunplay | p. 137 |
Arms and the Woman | p. 138 |
Arms and the Men | p. 138 |
The Hemingway Solution | p. 141 |
Who? Who? Who? | |
Who 'Wrote': Paradise Lost? | p. 147 |
Who 'Wrote': The Tragic Muse? | p. 149 |
Who Wrote: The Odyssey? | p. 150 |
Who Wrote the First Western? | p. 153 |
Who invented the Supercomputer (in Literature)? | p. 154 |
Who Wrote the King James Bible? | p. 156 |
Name Games | |
Why 'Brontë'? | p. 161 |
Adjectivals | p. 165 |
Etiquettery | p. 167 |
What's in a Name? | p. 171 |
What's in a Name (II)? | p. 174 |
What's in a Name (III)? | p. 177 |
What's in a Title? | p. 178 |
Readers: Distinguished and Less Distinguished | |
Smart Writers, Dumb Readers | p. 183 |
Dumb Readers (II) | p. 186 |
Presidential Readers | p. 187 |
Presidential Readers (II) | p. 190 |
Prime-ministerial Readers | p. 193 |
Mammon and the Book Trade | |
Product Placement | p. 197 |
Product Placement (II) | p. 199 |
There's Life in the Old Corpse Yet | p. 201 |
Lies, Damn Lies, and Bestseller Lists | p. 204 |
What was the Most Popular Novel in the American Civil War? | p. 208 |
Books Go to War: Continued | p. 211 |
Listomania | p. 213 |
The Potter Effect | p. 215 |
Jam, Gollys, and the S-word | p. 217 |
Go Figure | p. 220 |
Wheels | |
WWJD? | p. 225 |
Platform 9 3/4 | p. 227 |
Wrong-Headedness | p. 229 |
Celebrity Car Crash: Not a Literary Thing | p. 230 |
Morbid Curiosity | |
What Killed Anthony Trollope? | p. 237 |
Dying Well: Too Well | p. 238 |
The Wallpaper Actually Did Go | p. 240 |
The Werther Effect | p. 241 |
The Baskerville Effect | p. 243 |
Cause of Death: George Orwell | p. 245 |
More Wertherisms | p. 245 |
Graham Greene: Wertherian | p. 247 |
Dying Well? Or Dead Drunk? | p. 249 |
Hart Crane: Death by Water (and Whiskey) | p. 250 |
Dying Conscientiously | p. 252 |
What Was That He Said? | p. 254 |
'Good Career Move, Truman' | p. 257 |
Curious Connections: a Terminal Quiz | |
Questions | p. 263 |
Answers | p. 264 |
Index | p. 275 |
The End of the Book | p. 288 |
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