did-you-know? rent-now

Amazon no longer offers textbook rentals. We do!

did-you-know? rent-now

Amazon no longer offers textbook rentals. We do!

We're the #1 textbook rental company. Let us show you why.


Damned If You Do A Novel

  • ISBN13:


  • ISBN10:


  • Edition: 1st
  • Format: Paperback
  • Copyright: 2000-07-07
  • Publisher: Picador

Note: Supplemental materials are not guaranteed with Rental or Used book purchases.

Purchase Benefits

  • Free Shipping Icon Free Shipping On Orders Over $35!
    Your order must be $35 or more to qualify for free economy shipping. Bulk sales, PO's, Marketplace items, eBooks and apparel do not qualify for this offer.
  • eCampus.com Logo Get Rewarded for Ordering Your Textbooks! Enroll Now
List Price: $21.00 Save up to $7.51
  • Rent Book $18.95
    Add to Cart Free Shipping Icon Free Shipping

    *This item is part of an exclusive publisher rental program and requires an additional convenience fee. This fee will be reflected in the shopping cart.

Supplemental Materials

What is included with this book?


Hades is dead and the Agency needs a replacement, a new apprentice to carry on its good work. After a vote, corpse number 72 18 9 11 12 13 49 is selected and promptly yanked from his grave, to serve a seven day trial sentence. Each day our hapless narrator is to assist Death in the killing of one unfortunate soul, but as he encounters each victim, and as he begins to grasp the functions of Death and the other three modern-day Horsemen, he begins to unlock strange memories of his own prior life. It is not until he understands the backhanded politics of the Four Horsemen's run-down row house, and the sinister circumstances of his predecessor's demise, that he can recognize his true purpose in, well, er, life...

Author Biography

Gordon Houghton attended Oxford University and currently lives in England. He is also the author of the novel, The Dinner Party. Dammed If You Do is his first book to be published in America.

Table of Contents

It could be you 11(2)
MONDAY 13(42)
Death by falling from a great height
TUESDAY 55(44)
Death by chocolate
Death due to an incredible sequence of unfortunate accidents
THURSDAY 141(42)
Death by machines
FRIDAY 183(40)
Death by wild animals
SATURDAY 223(38)
Death by asphyxiation
SUNDAY 261(40)
Death by the scythe
It wasn't you 301

Supplemental Materials

What is included with this book?

The New copy of this book will include any supplemental materials advertised. Please check the title of the book to determine if it should include any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

The Used, Rental and eBook copies of this book are not guaranteed to include any supplemental materials. Typically, only the book itself is included. This is true even if the title states it includes any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.


Chapter One

It could be you

Hades was dead -- no doubt about it -- and he wasn't coming back this side of the Last Judgement. They found his body one bright Sunday morning in July, lying face-down in a thicket by the river. His Agency badge was missing. His face was unrecognizable. He had been eviscerated.

    No-one could agree how it happened. Death blamed War, of course; and War openly accused Pestilence. Pestilence, for his part, secretly suspected Famine -- and Famine believed the other three were engaged in a conspiracy against him. An early-morning jogger, who witnessed the crime from behind a mulberry tree, and barely escaped with his life, swore that he saw three wild dogs crashing through the bushes and bounding back along the track towards town. Only one person knew the whole story, and he wasn't telling.

    Whatever the truth, the fact remained -- Hades was dead, and the Agency needed a replacement. An emergency meeting was held, a resolution was passed, and the traditional method for selecting a new recruit was agreed upon. In the converted attic of a two-storey town house overlooking the meadow, the Unholy Tombola began: Pestilence emptied a bag of coloured balls into a revolving wooden drum, Famine turned the handle, and Death removed the balls and read out the numbers.

    `Seventy-two ... Eighteen ... What's this -- a six?' He showed the ball to Famine, who tutted loudly.

    `It's a nine .'

    `Lucky bugger,' said War. He was slouched at the computer desk, typing in the numbers as they were announced, his manner increasingly irritable. `Looks like it's a `cking local. Just down the road.'

    `Let's hope it's better than the last one,' Pestilence remarked.

    `Couldn't be worse,' Famine concurred.

    `Do you mind?' Death interrupted. `OK. Eleven ... Twelve ... Thirteen -- what are the chances of that?' Pestilence rolled his eyes and feigned a yawn; no-one else responded. `And finally, the bonus number ... Forty- nine .'

    Everyone turned towards War, who entered the last number with a listless tap, then nodded and mumbled to himself as he scanned the on-screen information. `Right ... He's a Code Four male. Twenty-eight ...' He laughed. `Bloody typical -- no name, no family, and no friends ... Interesting case, though--'

    `Just tell me where he's buried,' Death snapped.

    War gave him his most apocalyptic glare, but spoke coolly. `St Giles cemetery.' He paused. `Has the Chief done you a contract?'

    `Of course.'

    `Have you got a spade ?' Pestilence sneered.


    `Make sure you find the right grave,' Famine added, weakly.

    Death smiled at him, like an indulgent uncle with a Sabatier hidden behind his back.

Rewards Program