Disarming the Narcissist

by Behary, Wendy T.

• ISBN13: 9781458745392
• ISBN10: 1458745392
• Edition: Large
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2012-12-28
• Publisher: Readhowyouwant

Summary

Over the years, one of the most common issues that my clients have brought into therapy is how to deal with the self-centered, egotistical behavior of narcissistic partners. These clients almost always feel frustrated, angry, demeaned, and helpless over the almost total lack of sensitivity and empathy their partners show for their needs and feelings. I myself often sit in sessions in disbelief as I hear story after story describing the degree of selfishness these clients have to put up with. So often my clients can''t seem to find the strength to either leave or stand up to the narcissists they fell in love with years ago. I am so excited that my close friend and colleague, Wendy Behary, has written this definitive book on dealing with narcissists to help the countless number of people who, like my clients, try to live or work with narcissists on a daily basis. While there are several other self-help books on this topic, Disarming the Narcissist addresses the issue with great sophistication, depth, and compassion and offers highly effective strategies for change. Wendy has devoted years of clinical practice to the specialized treatment of narcissists and their partners, making her the perfect author to tackle this very difficult and resistant problem. Wendy draws on two fields of science and therapy to help the reader better understand and deal with narcissism: schema therapy and interpersonal neurobiology. Schema therapy is an approach I and my colleagues have been developing over the past twenty years to help therapists, clients, and others better understand the deep emotional themes, or schemas, that begin when we are children and eventually lead most of us to engage in repetitive and self-destructive life patterns. I first presented these ideas for the general reader in Reinventing Your Life. Disarming the Narcissist extends the concepts of schema therapy into work with narcissism and includes fresh insights and perspectives that I had never envisioned before reading this book. Wendy provides a wonderful explanation of how schemas like defectiveness and emotional deprivation affect our lives in dramatic ways. Her unique contributions to schema therapy lead us to a deeper understanding of the narcissists in our lives, as well as showing us how to overcome our own ''''demons'''' that keep us from dealing effectively with narcissistic partners, parents, friends, and colleagues. I am pleased that Wendy has gone so far beyond the cliches and simplistic advice that many other books and therapists offer. There are no simple answers or techniques when it comes to changing narcissism. You will have to delve into this book and work hard to truly understand the wealth of material presented here, but the rewards will be commensurate with your effort. You will learn about the different categories of narcissists, the range of strategies that narcissists so skillfully employ to disarm you and even convince you that you are to blame for their complaints, and the importance of empathic confrontation as a method of communicating with and standing up to narcissists. Wendy offers invaluable suggestions on ways to develop and sustain compassion for narcissists, even when you are being mistreated, and on how to create enough leverage to convince a narcissist to change. Disarming the Narcissist also provides rich case examples that bring this approach to life. If you put in the time required to understand the insights Wendy describes and practice the techniques she offers, you will, probably for the first time, have a set of tools that shift the odds in your favor in your relationship. You will have a newfound confidence that you know how to respond when your partner humiliates you in front of friends and family members or says things like, ''''You''re so stupid if you can''t see that my way is the only intelligent one.'''' I want to conclude by emphasizing a point that Wendy makes repeatedly in this book - a point that is central to schema therapy. As wit