| Foreword | p. I |
| Introduction | p. II |
| Prologue | p. IV |
| The First Gift: Reclaiming my Faith | |
| Planting the Seeds | p. 1 |
| Catholic School | p. 4 |
| The Shock of Sudden Death | p. 9 |
| Rebellion | p. 13 |
| High Times at the San Francisco Airport | p. 16 |
| Investigation: Corporate Security | p. 22 |
| Steve Olsen | p. 26 |
| The Death of Steve Olsen | p. 35 |
| The Second Gift: Sobriety and Ordination as a Priest | |
| A Rough Road | p. 43 |
| Who is Thomas Merton, and How Did He Encourage my Vocation to the Priesthood? | p. 45 |
| Application to College Seminary | p. 49 |
| Saying Goodbye to the Airline | p. 52 |
| St Joseph's College Seminary | p. 54 |
| St Patrick's Seminary, and The Blessing of Fr. Robert Gavin | p. 66 |
| Ego | p. 73 |
| Surrender | p. 76 |
| Meetings: New Perspectives | p. 78 |
| Honest Admissions | p. 81 |
| Ministry while at St Patrick's | p. 83 |
| Ordination As a Transitional Deacon | p. 86 |
| Ordination as a Catholic Priest | p. 90 |
| First Mass | p. 93 |
| The Third Gift: A New Heart | |
| St. Charles Parish | p. 97 |
| Charlie's Angels - Youth Group Ministry | p. 101 |
| Service in Mexico with Charlie's Angels | p. 105 |
| Suicide - Darkness of Loss | p. 109 |
| Vocation Director and Archbishop Levada | p. 112 |
| Return to Serra | p. 118 |
| Leave of Absence From the Priesthood | p. 124 |
| Dilated Cardiomyopathy | p. 127 |
| Collapse | p. 131 |
| UCSF Medical Center: Heart and Lung Transplant Unit, and Dr. Theresa DeMarco | p. 137 |
| Spiritual Questions and Guidance | p. 141 |
| Centering Prayer - Remaining Grounded during Journey | p. 144 |
| Surgery: The Defibrillator Goes Kaboom | p. 147 |
| Looking At Death | p. 150 |
| "Joe, We Think We Have a Heart" | p. 156 |
| Surgery | p. 163 |
| Post - Transplant | p. 166 |
| The Fourth Gift New Life | |
| A New Beginning | p. 173 |
| Seeking Reinstatement as a Priest | p. 176 |
| A New Mission and Ministry | p. 178 |
| A New Priest | p. 180 |
| My New life | p. 183 |
| Warning from Brother Priests | p. 185 |
| For An Old Friend | p. 188 |
| Acknowledgments | p. 190 |
| Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved. |
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