Global Village Idiot Dubya, Dunces, and One Last Word Before You Vote

by O'Farrell, John

• ISBN13: 9780802140388
• ISBN10: 0802140386
• eBook ISBN(s): 9781555847050
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-12-08
• Publisher: Grove Press

Summary

Winner of the Best Columnist of the Year at the British Liars’ Awards and Britain’s finest satirist, O’Farrell takes dead aim in Global Village Idiot at cell phones, awards ceremonies, genetic sheep splicers, America’s right wing cabal of dunces, dunderheads, dimwits, and the Big ‘D’ himself. “Just when we thought the lawlessness in Iraq was over,” O’Farrell observes, “even more blatant incidents of looting have begun. With handkerchiefs masking their faces, two rioters roughly the height of George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld kicked in the gates of the largest oilfield and grabbed the keys of the gasoline trucks. ‘Yee-haw! It’s all ours! Millions of barrels of the stuff’ they laughed. ‘Yup!’ added the leader ‘ and this mask guarantees my anonymousinity!’ So after all these years there really is such a person as the Thief of Baghdad. Except strangely his accent sounded vaguely Texan.”

A writer for the groundbreaking television show Spitting Image and contributor to the screenplay for the hit movie Chicken Run, O’Farrell meticulously researched his conclusions “by spending five minutes on the internet and then giving up.” And while O’Farrell’s sharpest barbs and stingers have often been written to come out of the mouths of grotesque puppets and Claymation chickens, this time around he keeps the best lines for himself: ‘‘With the election of the 43rd President of the United States, the global village is complete,” O’Farrell writes. “’It has its own global village idiot.’”

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. 1
Glossary	p. 5
Not such a "Super Tuesday" if Dubya wins it ...	p. 8
The end of the world is nigh - appoint a task force	p. 14
From here to paternity	p. 17
Ecumenical with the truth	p. 20
Don't ban fox hunting - it's far too unpopular	p. 23
I give you my heart (and my kidneys and pancreas)	p. 27
www.over-hyped.com	p. 30
And the award for the best awards ceremony ...	p. 33
Snobs' Borstal; only [pound]15,000 a year	p. 36
So what happened to the peace dividend?	p. 39
Why was Mother Nature a single mum?	p. 42
Charity begins a long way from home	p. 45
Anarchy and apathy in the UK	p. 48
Ship of fools	p. 53
Gawd bless yer, ma'am	p. 56
Keep the pink flag flying	p. 59
The war is over	p. 62
Microsoft world	p. 65
A midsummer's night dome	p. 68
Missile impossible, part two	p. 71
Afghan hounds welcome; Afghan people join the back of the line	p. 74
New balls, please	p. 77
57 channels and nothing on	p. 80
Hoarding the countryside	p. 83
Own goal	p. 86
Vous etes dans l'armee, maintenant	p. 89
A man is robbed every twenty minutes (and he's getting pretty fed up with it)	p. 92
Britain lashed by hurricane!	p. 95
The 43rd president of the United States is - er ...	p. 98
Only 16 shoplifting days left till Christmas	p. 102
Nature versus nurture - away win	p. 106
Artificial intelligence is over my head	p. 109
The spies with the golden pension plan	p. 112
More hot air from George Bush	p. 115
U R sckd	p. 118
Not being patriotic: no one does it like us Brits	p. 121
Some coke with your champagne?	p. 124
Dubya gets his first passport	p. 127
Choose the sex of your child	p. 130
After you with the trough	p. 133
Product placemeNt sIcKEns me	p. 136
Clone-age man	p. 139
The scientists are making it all up	p. 145
Welcome to England; Smacking Area - 200 yards	p. 149
Prince Edward - stalker laureate	p. 152
Lack of identity cards	p. 155
Time to loosen our belts	p. 158
How do you solve the problem of Osama?	p. 161
Snakes and property ladders	p. 164
Fundamentally anti-faith schools	p. 170
Osama's Christmas message	p. 173
Tyson bites yer legs	p. 176
As English as baseball itself	p. 179
War! Hurr! What is it good for?	p. 182
Does the working class exist?	p. 185
Sunday Dads	p. 188
God bless the World Cup	p. 191
In-flight entertainment	p. 197
No sex please, we're teenage boys	p. 200
Off with her head!	p. 203
Talking rubbish	p. 206
Computerised GIs	p. 209
Never mind the terrorists, it's the accountants I'm worried about	p. 212
Rats!	p. 216
Soccer fans are revolting	p. 219
I'm a world leader, get me out of here!	p. 222
French lessons	p. 225
Give thanks that Britain doesn't have Thanksgiving	p. 231
Weapons of mass distraction	p. 234
Miss World shows her age	p. 237
Election battle	p. 240
Off the wall	p. 243
That's slaughtertainment!	p. 246
Free market forces	p. 249
McDonald's to go, please	p. 252
The thief of Baghdad	p. 255
An American in Paris (in a Sherman tank)	p. 258
I don't want spam!	p. 261
United [Nations crossed out in text] States	p. 264
Acknowledgments	p. 271
A note on the type	p. 273
Table of Contents provided by Blackwell. All Rights Reserved.