How Not to Be a Professional Footballer

by Unknown

• ISBN13: 9780007424979
• ISBN10: 0007424973
• Edition: Reprint
• Format: Trade Paper
• Copyright: 2012-03-28
• Publisher: HarperCollins UK

Summary

An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's "Dos and Do Nots" from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and football pundit Paul Merson, aka "The Merse" When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer, Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual, and that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book. A prodigiously talented footballer in the 1980s and 90s, Merson graced the upper echelons of the game--and the tabloid front pages--with his breathtaking skills and larger-than-life off-field persona. The book delights and entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game. The "do nots" include: Do not adopt "Champagne" Charlie Nicholas as your mentor, do not share a house with Gazza, do not regularly place 30,000 bets at the bookie's, do not get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played, and do not manage Walsall (at any cost). This is a hugely entertaining, yet moving story.

Author Biography

Paul Merson is a retired English football player, and former player-manager of Walsall.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Last Knockings	p. xi
Do Not Go to Stringfellows with Charlie Nicholas	p. 1
Do Not Drink 15 Pints and Crash Your Car into a Lamppost	p. 19
Do Not Cross Gorgeous George	p. 36
Do Not Shit on David Seaman's Balcony	p. 51
Do Not Bet on Scotland on Your Wedding Day	p. 67
Do Not Wax the Dolphin before an England Game	p. 83
Do Not Go to a Detroit Gay Bar with Paul Ince and John Barnes	p. 98
Do Not Wander Round Nightclubs Trying to Score Coke	p. 116
Do Not Get So Paranoid That You Can't Leave the House	p. 134
Do Not Ask for a Potato Peeler in Rehab	p. 149
Do Not Miss a Penalty in the UEFA Cup Winners' Cup Semi-Final	p. 156
Do Not Leave Arsenal with Your William Hill Head On	p. 173
Do Not Let Gazza Move into Your House	p. 189
Do Not Ask Eileen Drewery for a Short Back and Sides	p. 207
Do Not Give Gazza the Keys to the Team Bus	p. 229
Do Not Tell Harry Redknapp You're Going into Rehab only to Bunk off to Barbados for a Jolly	p. 246
Do Not Smile at a Sex Addict Called Candy	p. 265
Do Not Try to Outwit Jeff Stelling	p. 281
Do Not Admit Defeat (the Day-to-Day Battle)	p. 297
Do Not Attempt to Pick a Worldy XI (Because It's the Hardest Job in the World)	p. 302
Appendix: Mersonisms - A Soccer Saturday Glossary	p. 317
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