I Heart My In-Laws Falling in Love with His Family--One Passive-Aggressive, Over-Indulgent, Grandkid-Craving, Streisand-Loving, Bible-Thumping In-Law at a Time

by Poch, Dina Koutas

• ISBN13: 9780805082791
• ISBN10: 0805082794
• eBook ISBN(s): 9781429916097
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2007-06-26
• Publisher: Holt Paperbacks
• More Book Details

Summary

Girlfriends, fiances, and wives rejoice! Here, at last, is a book you can turn to in times of stress, panic, and family vacations to the smallest cottage ever built on the island of Nantucket. Mirroring the natural progression of a relationship and incorporating interviews from women just like you, this hilarious, savvy guide will help you survive your first meeting with future in-laws, from the holidays, weddings, and new babies, to the day they retire to the house next door because its a great real estate investment. Discover a wide array of sanity-retention techniques and tips on scoring major points with each and every in-law. Learn how to sweet-talk his sister, mollify his mother, and defuse potentially explosive situationslike when your pumpkin pie gives Nana a bad case of hives. Stories range from the tragic my father-in-law just pinched my ass and not in that sportsmanship kind of way, to the triumphant Im now CEO of my grandfather-in-laws cement companyThanks Pupup! Offering handy translation charts with curse words in Persian and compliments in Cantonese, a list of gifts and how to interpret their hidden meaning, tips for reclaiming the holidays one Bastille Day at a time, and your very own set of Mother-in-Law MadLibs, I Heart My In-laws embodies the old saying, Its funny because its true.

Author Biography

Dina K. Poch has a BA from Brown University and an MFA from Columbia University. She is a writer and filmmaker living in New York City with her husband and two cats. Her in-laws live in Connecticut.

Table of Contents

Introduction
 
Yours is the story of true love. You met at eHarmony.com. You both like pugs. Your second date was a private tour of the planetarium. Now you share a cell phone plan, shop for organic bread at Whole Foods, and faithfully watch America's Next Top Model together. Happily, you've tossed away your highlighted copy of He's Just Not That Into You, because now you've met someone who is totally into you.
 
Congratulations on finding your soul mate—an impressive task in a world of six billion men and women. He understands your ritual of trying on at least three shirts before you leave the house. And you overlook his ponytail, even though you hint that 1995 called and wants its hairstyle back. The rose-tinted glasses are firmly affixed, because you're head-over-heels in love.
 
And then, the unbelievable happens. He arranges for a romantic dinner. He fills your home with roses, and on bended knee, he pops the question:
 
“Do you want to meet my family?”
 
You sweat. You panic. You rub your clammy palms along your pants and nearly vomit into the foie gras terrine. Then you smile: “Of course, I'd love to meet your family. When?” . . . because I need enough time to lose ten pounds, retouch my highlights, get a pedicure, and study up on twelfth-century maritime trade practices, not to mention the early Picasso charcoals.
 
A brief look at history will tell us that Adam and Eve were the luckiest couple in the world. Yes, they were tempted by a serpent, banished from paradise, and parented sons who murdered each other. But they did not have in-laws. You will.
 
Sure, you seek guidance from:
 
     Esteban, a.k.a. magic hands, your hairstylist, whose boyfriend's parents don't know he exists.
 
     Maya, your coworker, who hasn't even had a boyfriend in five years and has no idea what you're yammering on about.
 
     Rick, the self-help radio host, who advises to look inside yourself for answers.
 
But do these people really know what to wear, what gifts to buy, and what to do when vacationing with your entire in-law family next week? Because when you're suspended a hundred feet in the air on a chairlift with your mother-in-law and she asks you about your ten-year plan, you're on your own. And yet, you don't have to be.
 
In your hands, you are holding the bedrock of practical advice on how to deal with your in-laws. A guidebook. A road map. A beacon of hope and light when, for the fiftieth time, you've told your in-laws what you do at your computer hi-tech company and that your name is Christy, not Crispy.
 
Finally, desperate daughters-in-law, girlfriends, and fiancées can draw upon a full array of sanity-retention techniques for your first meeting straight through to the day your sweetie's family sells all their worldly possessions as part of spiritual cleansing, and then calls to borrow your coffeemaker.
 
You can now sidestep pitfalls, blunders, and awkward situations that hundreds of daughters-in-law have stumbled into unaware. Statistics show that—along with money—in-law problems are one of the top causes of divorce. A beaten path lies before you. So, enjoy standing on the shoulders of others who have stood before you. Relish being told stories of in-laws worse than your own! And, savor the next time your sister-in-law challenges you to the game of “who is smarter,” because you are.
 
Copyright © 2007 by Dina Koutas Poch. All rights reserved.

Excerpts

Introduction
 
Yours is the story of true love. You met at eHarmony.com. You both like pugs. Your second date was a private tour of the planetarium. Now you share a cell phone plan, shop for organic bread at Whole Foods, and faithfully watch America’s Next Top Model together. Happily, you’ve tossed away your highlighted copy of He’s Just Not That Into You, because now you’ve met someone who is totally into you.
 
Congratulations on finding your soul mate—an impressive task in a world of six billion men and women. He understands your ritual of trying on at least three shirts before you leave the house. And you overlook his ponytail, even though you hint that 1995 called and wants its hairstyle back. The rose-tinted glasses are firmly affixed, because you’re head-over-heels in love.
 
And then, the unbelievable happens. He arranges for a romantic dinner. He fills your home with roses, and on bended knee, he pops the question:
 
“Do you want to meet my family?”
 
You sweat. You panic. You rub your clammy palms along your pants and nearly vomit into the foie gras terrine. Then you smile: “Of course, I’d love to meet your family. When?” . . . because I need enough time to lose ten pounds, retouch my highlights, get a pedicure, and study up on twelfth-century maritime trade practices, not to mention the early Picasso charcoals.
 
A brief look at history will tell us that Adam and Eve were the luckiest couple in the world. Yes, they were tempted by a serpent, banished from paradise, and parented sons who murdered each other. But they did not have in-laws. You will.
 
Sure, you seek guidance from:
 
     Esteban, a.k.a. magic hands, your hairstylist, whose boyfriend’s parents don’t know he exists.
 
     Maya, your coworker, who hasn’t even had a boyfriend in five years and has no idea what you’re yammering on about.
 
     Rick, the self-help radio host, who advises to look inside yourself for answers.
 
But do these people really know what to wear, what gifts to buy, and what to do when vacationing with your entire in-law family next week? Because when you’re suspended a hundred feet in the air on a chairlift with your mother-in-law and she asks you about your ten-year plan, you’re on your own. And yet, you don’t have to be.
 
In your hands, you are holding the bedrock of practical advice on how to deal with your in-laws. A guidebook. A road map. A beacon of hope and light when, for the fiftieth time, you’ve told your in-laws what you do at your computer hi-tech company and that your name is Christy, not Crispy.
 
Finally, desperate daughters-in-law, girlfriends, and fiancées can draw upon a full array of sanity-retention techniques for your first meeting straight through to the day your sweetie’s family sells all their worldly possessions as part of spiritual cleansing, and then calls to borrow your coffeemaker.
 
You can now sidestep pitfalls, blunders, and awkward situations that hundreds of daughters-in-law have stumbled into unaware. Statistics show that—along with money—in-law problems are one of the top causes of divorce. A beaten path lies before you. So, enjoy standing on the shoulders of others who have stood before you. Relish being told stories of in-laws worse than your own! And, savor the next time your sister-in-law challenges you to the game of “who is smarter,” because you are.
 
Copyright © 2007 by Dina Koutas Poch. All rights reserved.

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Excerpted from I Heart My In-Laws: Falling in Love with His Family--One Passive-Aggressive, over-Indulgent, Grandkid-Craving, Streisand-Loving, Bible-Thumping in-Law at a Time by Dina Koutas Poch
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.