Jokelopedia

by Weitzman, Ilana

• ISBN13: 9780761142089
• ISBN10: 0761142088
• Edition: 2nd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2006-05-24
• Publisher: Workman Pub Co

Summary

The best just got better. Now the mother of all joke books JOKELOPEDIA, the category leader and great kids gift book with 412,000 copies in printis updated and expanded with 200 brand new jokes, for even more laughs per page. Packed with 1,700 kid-friendly jokes, tongue-twisters, riddles, and puns, this new edition of JOKELOPEDIA is the bible for incurable jokesters, class clowns, and aspiring comedians. Here are doctor jokes, robber jokes, teacher jokes, why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road jokes. Lightbulb jokes, movie star jokes, gross-out jokes, vampire jokes, elephant jokes. The classics, fresh variations on the classics, and jokes with nothing classic about them. The guffaws are organized into categories for easy reference, and the book is sprinkled throughout with amusing facts, joke-telling pointers and tips, and informational spotlights on favorite funny people, including Mike Myers, Will Ferrell, and SpongeBob SquarePants. Did you hear about the two antennae that met on a rooftop, fell in love, and got married? The wedding wasnt much, but the reception was amazing! What kind of books do skunks read? Best-smellers.

Table of Contents

Tall Tails Animals with Attitude	p. 1
Critter Jitters Creepy, Crawly, Slimy, Slithery Things	p. 33
Fowl Play Birds of a Feather Flock Together	p. 43
Sounds Fishy to Me Itll Hook You Right Away	p. 55
Classy Jokes Classroom Distractions	p. 61
Bad Apples And PCs Too!	p. 77
Snot Funny Eeew, Gross!	p. 89
Rocket Science All the Mysteries of Outer Space, Made More Confusing	p. 99
Family Funnies Brothers, Sisters, and Aunts of Step-uncles	p. 109
Objects of Amusement Household Items Unite	p. 125
Truly Tasteless Jokes Food Strikes Back	p. 141
Showbiz Shenanigans Games with Famous Names	p. 153
Sounding a Funny Note Bust a Gut in the Band Room	p. 167
Athletic Antics Really Sock It to Em at the Gym	p. 177
Funny Business Humor at Work	p. 187
Doc-Doc Jokes You Need a Lot of Patients for This Chapter!	p. 207
Cops and Ribbers A Humorous Twist on the Beat of Life	p. 219
How Many Elephants . . . . . . Can You Fit in a Joke Book?	p. 229
Monster-osities Ghouls, Goblins, and the Like	p. 239
Really Old Jokes Extinct Animals and Funny Fossils	p. 259
Table of Contents provided by Publisher. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

Did you hear the one about the lion who ate clowns?
You’ll roar.

Did you hear the one about the donkey who watched
Country Music Television?
You’ll hee-haw.

Why shouldn’t you shortchange a skunk?
It’s bound to make a stink.

What did the judge say when the skunk came in to testify?
Odor in the court!

There were these two buddies out walking their dogs, one with a Doberman pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua, when they smelled something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.

The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “ We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The buddy with the Doberman says, “Just follow my lead.” He puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks into the restaurant, when the restaurant owner comes up and says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” The man with the Doberman replies, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing Eye dog.”

The owner, skeptical, says, “A Doberman pinscher?” The Doberman’s master says, “Yes, they’re using them now—they’re very good and they protect me from robbers, too.” The owner says, “ Come on in.”

When the man with the Chihuahua sees this, he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the restaurant owner says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing Eye dog.”

“A Chihuahua?” says the owner.

The man with the dog replies, “ A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!”

What do you call an overweight cat?
A flabby tabby.

Why was the rabbit so unhappy?
She was having a bad hare day.

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.

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Excerpted from Jokelopedia: The Biggest, Best, Silliest, Dumbest Joke Book Ever by Ilana Weitzman, Eva Blank, Alison Benjamin, Rosanne Green
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.