Marriage and Family : The Quest for Intimacy

by Lauer, Robert H.; Lauer, Jeanette C.

• ISBN13: 9780073129259
• ISBN10: 0073129259
• Edition: 6th
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2006-02-01
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill College
• More Book Details
• Purchase Benefits

Summary

Combining a positive and practical approach to the study of marriage and family life with a manageable amount of sociological theory and research citations, this text is centered on the theme of enhancing intimacy within marriage and the family. While providing a comprehensive overview of the progression from dating to marriage and family, the authors systematically draw out principles that students can use to protect and nurture their own intimate relationships, making this text a practical guide as well.

Table of Contents

Preface	xix
PART ONE The Context of Intimacy
American Myths and Dreams	3	(22)
Learning Objectives	3	(1)
Myths about Family Life	4	(4)
We've Lost the Extended Family	5	(1)
Opposites Attract	5	(1)
People Marry Because They Love Each Other	5	(1)
Having Children Increases Marital Satisfaction	6	(1)
A Good Sex Life Is the Best Predictor of Marital Satisfaction	6	(1)
Happily Married People Don't Have Conflict	7	(1)
Half of All Marriages End in Divorce	7	(1)
The Dangers of Myths	8	(1)
Changing Patterns of Intimate Relationships	8	(2)
Premarital Sex	8	(1)
Births to Unmarried Women	8	(1)
Living Alone	9	(1)
Cohabitation	9	(1)
Comparison
Asian Women Are Marrying at a Later Age	10	(2)
Delayed Marriage	10	(1)
Birth Rates	10	(1)
Household Size	11	(1)
Employed Mothers	11	(1)
Personal
``I Had to Go to Work''	12	(1)
Divorce	12	(1)
A Concluding Note on Changing Patterns	13	(1)
The Family in Utopia	13	(2)
The Family in Utopian Writings	13	(1)
The Family in Utopian Communities	13	(2)
What Works Best?	15	(1)
What Do We Want?
What Do We Need?	15	(4)
The Great Debate	15	(1)
Changes in Traditional Arrangements	16	(1)
Me or We?	17	(1)
Strengths and Benefits of Marriage and Family	18	(1)
What Do You Think?	19	(1)
'Til Death?	19	(2)
A Note on Theory	21	(2)
Systems Theory	21	(1)
Exchange Theory	22	(1)
Symbolic Interaction Theory	22	(1)
Conflict Theory	22	(1)
Theory and Intimacy	23	(1)
Summary	23	(1)
Key Terms	24	(1)
Internet Connection
American Myths and Dreams	24	(1)
Diversity in Families	25	(28)
Learning Objectives	25	(1)
The Variability of Family Life	26	(2)
Variations among Societies	26	(2)
Variations within Societies	28	(1)
The Single-Parent Family	28	(3)
Extent of Single-Parent Families	29	(1)
Challenges of the Single-Parent Family	30	(1)
Comparison
Single Parents in Iceland	31	(3)
The Successful Single-Parent Family	33	(1)
Personal
``I Chose to Do It Alone''	34	(1)
Racial/Ethnic Families	35	(11)
The African American Family	3	(36)
The Hispanic Family	39	(2)
The Asian American Family	41	(2)
The Native American Family	43	(1)
The Interracial Family	44	(2)
Families with Same-Sex Parents	46	(1)
What Do You Think?	46	(4)
Problems in Gay and Lesbian Families	47	(1)
Intimacy in the Gay or Lesbian Family	48	(1)
Long-Term Gay and Lesbian Relationships	49	(1)
Summary	50	(2)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	52	(1)
Key Terms	52	(1)
Internet Connection
Diversity in Families	52	(1)
Gender Roles: Foundation for Intimacy	53	(22)
Learning Objectives	53	(1)
Men and Women: How Do They Differ?	54	(5)
Men and Women: Some Commonalities	54	(1)
Gender Differences	55	(4)
Sex, Gender, Gender Role, and Gender-Role Orientation	59	(2)
Gender Roles	59	(1)
Gender-Role Orientation	60	(1)
What Do You Think?	61	(1)
Gender Roles: Nature or Nurture?	62	(5)
How Much Is Biological?	63	(1)
The Importance of Nurture	63	(1)
Socialization and Gender-Role Orientation	64	(3)
Comparison
Inuit Youth Learn to Be Males and Females	67	(1)
Changing Gender Roles and Orientation	68	(1)
Changing Patterns	68	(1)
Lingering Traditionalism	68	(1)
Gender-Role Orientation: What Difference Does It Make?	69	(1)
Communication	69	(1)
Self-Concept	69	(1)
Mental Health	70	(1)
Gender-Role Orientation and Intimacy	70	(1)
Personal
``We Worked It Out''	71	(1)
Summary	72	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	72	(1)
Key Terms	73	(1)
Internet Connection
Gender Roles: Foundation for Intimacy	73	(2)
Sexuality	75	(30)
Learning Objectives	75	(1)
The Meaning of Sex	76	(5)
Heterosexuality and Homosexuality	7	(69)
Sex as Physical: The Response Cycle	76	(2)
Sex as Social Behavior	78	(3)
Sex and Intimate Relationships	81	(1)
PERSONAL
Sex and the Search for Intimacy	82	(1)
Teenage Sex	82	(3)
Extent of Sex among Teenagers	82	(1)
Unwanted Pregnancy and Early Childbearing	83	(2)
Contraception	85	(4)
Amount and Kinds of Contraceptive Use	85	(3)
Who Uses Contraceptives?	88	(1)
Abortion	89	(1)
What Do You Think?	90	(1)
Premarital Sex	90	(2)
The Double Standard	90	(1)
Changing Attitudes	90	(1)
Changing Behavior	91	(1)
Sex in Marriage	92	(2)
Sexual Practices in Marriage	92	(1)
Sexual Satisfaction and Marital Satisfaction	93	(1)
Changes in Marital Sex over the Life Span	93	(1)
Extramarital Sex	94	(1)
Why Extramarital Sex?	95	(1)
Some Consequences of Extramarital Sex	95	(1)
Sexual Diseases and Dysfunctions	95	(4)
Sexual Diseases	96	(2)
Sexual Dysfunctions	98	(1)
Inhibited Sexual Desire	98	(1)
Safe Sex	99	(1)
Comparison
Unsafe Sex in Lesotho	99	(1)
Summary	100	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	101	(1)
Key Terms	101	(1)
Internet Connection
Sexuality	101	(4)
PART TWO Seeking Intimate Relationships
Getting to Know Someone Else	105	(20)
Learning Objectives	105	(1)
We Are Social Creatures	106	(4)
Loneliness	106	(3)
Fulfillment through Intimacy	109	(1)
Personal
Searching for Intimacy	110	(1)
The Nature of Intimacy	111	(2)
The Meaning of Intimacy	111	(1)
Intimacy as an Exchange Relationship	112	(1)
Intimacy as Self-Sustaining	113	(1)
Meeting and Getting to Know Others	113	(2)
First Impressions	113	(2)
What Do You Think?	115	(2)
What Attracts?	115	(2)
Comparison
Mexican and United States Teens Portray Their Ideals about the Opposite Sex	117	(2)
Developing a Relationship	119	(4)
First Stage: Initial Meeting and Awareness	119	(1)
Second Stage: The Selection Process	120	(1)
Third Stage: Developing Intimacy	121	(1)
Fourth Stage: Maintaining or Dissolving the Relationship	122	(1)
Summary	123	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	123	(1)
Key Terms	124	(1)
Internet Connection
Getting to Know Someone Else	124	(1)
Getting Involved	125	(20)
Learning Objectives	125	(1)
Hanging Out and Hooking Up	126	(1)
Dating	126	(1)
Finding People to Date	126	(4)
Selecting a Dating Partner	128	(1)
Functions of Dating	128	(1)
Patterns of Dating	129	(1)
Comparison
Commitment to Dating Partners in the United States and Taiwan	130	(3)
Dating Problems	130	(3)
Moving Beyond Dating	133	(1)
Moving into a More Permanent Relationship	133	(1)
Engagement	134	(1)
Cohabitation	134	(1)
Who Cohabits?	134	(1)
What Do You Think?	135	(2)
Patterns of Cohabitation	135	(1)
Cohabitation Compared to Marriage	136	(1)
Cohabitation as a Preparation for Marriage	137	(1)
Breaking Up	137	(1)
Who Breaks Up?	138	(1)
Responding to Deterioration	138	(1)
Personal
The Birth, Life, and Death of a Relationship	139	(1)
Staying Single	140	(2)
Why People Are Single	140	(1)
Intimacy and Life Satisfaction	140	(2)
Summary	142	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	143	(1)
Key Terms	143	(1)
Internet Connection
Getting Involved	144	(1)
Falling in Love	145	(20)
Learning Objectives	145	(1)
The Meaning of Love	146	(1)
When You Fall in Love	147	(2)
The Process of Falling	147	(1)
How Can You Tell If It's Love?	148	(1)
Personal
Falling in Love---Twice	149	(2)
Passionate Versus Companionate Love	151	(4)
The Emergence of Passionate Love	151	(1)
The Experience of Passionate Love	152	(2)
From Passionate Love to Companionate Love	154	(1)
What Do You Think?	155	(1)
Loving and Liking	155	(1)
Rubin's Love Scale	155	(1)
Love and Friendship	155	(1)
A Triangular Theory of Love	156	(1)
Styles of Loving	157	(2)
Six Types of Lovers	158	(1)
Implications of Differing Styles of Loving	158	(1)
Love Threatened---Jealousy	159	(2)
Who Is Most Jealous?	160	(1)
Situations That Provoke Jealousy	160	(1)
Comparison
Jealousy among the Italians, Dutch, and New Guineans	161	(1)
Consequences of Jealousy	161	(1)
Summary	162	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	162	(1)
Key Terms	163	(1)
Internet Connection
Falling in Love	163	(2)
Selecting a Life Partner	165	(22)
Learning Objectives	165	(1)
Is There a Best Way to Select a Life Partner?	166	(2)
What We Expect in a Life Partner	166	(2)
Comparison
Looking for a Mate in India	168	(1)
Qualities Desired in a Life Partner	168	(1)
Exchange and Equity	169	(1)
Narrowing the Field: Assortative Mating	169	(7)
Life Partner Selection as a Filtering Process	170	(1)
Age	171	(1)
Ethnic Background	172	(1)
Race	172	(1)
Religion	173	(1)
Education	174	(1)
Personality	174	(1)
And So Forth	174	(1)
Why Assortative Mating?	175	(1)
Predictors of Marital Satisfaction	176	(2)
Timing	176	(2)
Personal
Should I Marry My Baby's Father?	178	(1)
Equity	178	(1)
What Do You Think?	179	(2)
Communication	179	(1)
PREPARE: A Multifactor Approach	180	(1)
A Final Caution	181	(1)
Summary	181	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	182	(1)
Key Terms	182	(1)
Internet Connection
Selecting a Life Partner	182	(5)
PART THREE The Intimate Couple
Getting Married	187	(18)
Learning Objectives	187	(1)
What Are Your Chances of Getting Married?	188	(1)
Marital Status of the Population	188	(1)
Who Does and Who Doesn't Marry?	189	(1)
Why Do People Marry?	189	(1)
The Need for Intimacy	189	(1)
Social Expectations	190	(1)
Social Ideals and Personal Fulfillment	190	(1)
What Do You Think?	190	(1)
Desire for Children	191	(1)
Marriage as a Practical Solution	191	(1)
Types of Marriage	191	(3)
Classified by Lifestyles	191	(1)
Classified by Nature of the Relationship	192	(2)
Comparison
Types of Marriage in Togo	194	(1)
Expectations	194	(4)
Our Private Contracts	195	(1)
Role Expectation	196	(1)
Negotiation: Changing Personal Contracts	196	(1)
The Marriage Contract: Clarifying Expectations	197	(1)
Adjusting to Marriage	198	(2)
His Marriage and Her Marriage	198	(1)
Starting with Two Strikes	198	(1)
Establishing Equity and Consensus	199	(1)
Adjustment and In-Law Relationships	199	(1)
First-Year Changes	200	(1)
Personal
In-Laws: The Good and the Bad	200	(1)
Commitment	201	(2)
The Meaning of Commitment	201	(1)
The Role of Commitment	202	(1)
Building Commitment	202	(1)
Summary	203	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	203	(1)
Key Terms	204	(1)
Internet Connection
Getting Married	204	(1)
The Challenge of Communication	205	(22)
Learning Objectives	205	(1)
The Nature of Communication	206	(3)
Verbal Communication	206	(1)
Nonverbal Communication	206	(3)
Communication as an Interaction Process	209	(2)
A Discussion about Sex	209	(1)
Communication Static	210	(1)
Communicating Feelings	210	(1)
Listening	211	(3)
Styles of Poor Listening	211	(1)
Improving Listening Skills	212	(2)
Impediments to Communication	214	(1)
Destructive Messages	214	(1)
Gender Differences as an Impediment	215	(1)
What Do You Think?	215	(2)
Why Husbands and Wives Don't Talk to Each Other	216	(1)
Personal
All the Talk Was Useless	217	(1)
Satisfying Communication	218	(1)
Communication, Marital Satisfaction, and Intimacy	218	(2)
Everyday Conversations	218	(1)
Self-Disclosure	219	(1)
Comparison
Couple Talk in Brisbane and Munich	220	(1)
Other Aspects of Communication	220	(1)
Improving Communication Skills	221	(2)
Rules	222	(1)
Practice	222	(1)
Summary	223	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	224	(1)
Key Terms	224	(1)
Internet Connection
The Challenge of Communication	224	(3)
Power and Conflict in Marriage	227	(22)
Learning Objectives	227	(1)
Power In Marriage	228	(3)
The Meaning of Power	228	(1)
Why Is Power Important?	229	(2)
Sources of Power	231	(1)
Comparison
The Power of Egyptian Husbands and Wives	231	(3)
What Do You Think?	234	(1)
Marriage As a Power Struggle	234	(1)
Types of Power Interaction	234	(1)
Conflict in Marriage	235	(1)
The Positive Functions of Conflict	235	(1)
The Negative Consequences of Severe Conflict	236	(5)
What People Fight About	236	(1)
Sources of Tension	237	(4)
Styles of Conflict	241	(2)
Good Fighting	243	(1)
Maintain Your Perspective	243	(1)
Develop Tension Outlets	243	(1)
Avoid Festering Resentment	243	(1)
Be Sensitive to Timing	243	(1)
Personal
Learning How to Fight	244	(2)
Communicate without Ceasing	244	(1)
Be Flexible, Willing to Compromise	245	(1)
Use Conflict to Attack Problems, Not Your Spouse	245	(1)
Keep Loving While You Are Fighting	245	(1)
Summary	246	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	246	(1)
Key Terms	247	(1)
Internet Connection
Power and Conflict in Marriage	247	(2)
Work and Home	249	(24)
Learning Objectives	249	(1)
His Work and Her Work	250	(1)
Changing Patterns of Working	250	(5)
Women in the Labor Force	251	(1)
Married Women and Employment	251	(2)
Types of Dual-Career Families	253	(2)
Why Women Work Outside the Home	255	(1)
Home Versus the Workplace	255	(1)
Challenges of Dual-Income Families	256	(2)
More or Less Equal?	257	(1)
Who's Minding the House?	257	(1)
Comparison
Household Tasks and Equity in China	258	(3)
Children and the Challenge of Child Care	259	(2)
The Costs of Both Parents Working	261	(1)
What Do You Think?	261	(3)
Time Management	262	(1)
Role Negotiation	263	(1)
Satisfactions of Dual-Income Families	264	(1)
Marital Satisfaction	264	(1)
Other Benefits	264	(1)
Work and Well-Being	264	(1)
Life Satisfaction	264	(1)
Personal
Employed and Married and Loving Both	265	(2)
Mental and Physical Health	266	(1)
Coping Strategies	266	(1)
Summary	267	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	268	(1)
Key Terms	268	(1)
Internet Connection
Work and Home	268	(5)
PART FOUR Intimacy in Families
Becoming a Parent	273	(24)
Learning Objectives	273	(1)
Changing Patterns of Childbearing	274	(2)
Birth Rates	274	(1)
Preferences for Size and Sex	275	(1)
To Bear or Not to Bear	276	(3)
Why People Want to Have Children	276	(1)
The Child-Free Option	277	(2)
Personal
To Be a Parent? The Agonies of the Decision	279	(1)
Involuntary Childlessness	279	(2)
Infertility	279	(1)
Coping with Infertility	280	(1)
Options for the Infertile	281	(3)
Artificial Insemination	281	(1)
In Vitro Fertilization	282	(1)
Surrogate Mothers	282	(1)
Adoption	283	(1)
What Do You Think?	284	(1)
Children and the Quality of Life	285	(4)
The Stresses of Raising Children	285	(1)
Children and Marital Satisfaction	286	(2)
The Satisfactions of Raising Children	288	(1)
Parenting: Her Experience and His Experience	289	(1)
Her Experience	289	(1)
His Experience	289	(1)
Comparison
On the Playground in France, Germany, and Italy	290	(1)
Parenting and the Well-Being of Children	291	(1)
Styles of Parenting	291	(3)
Types of Discipline	291	(1)
The Corporal Punishment Debate	292	(1)
Parental Behavior and Children's Adjustment	292	(1)
Parental Behavior and Self-Esteem	293	(1)
A Final Note: Is Older Better in Parenting?	294	(1)
Summary	294	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	295	(1)
Key Terms	296	(1)
Internet Connection
Becoming a Parent	296	(1)
The Family Life Cycle	297	(26)
Learning Objectives	297	(1)
The Family Life Cycle	298	(4)
The Meaning of the Family Life Cycle	298	(1)
What Changes Occur over the Family Life Cycle?	298	(2)
Social Change and the Family Life Cycle	300	(2)
The Newly Married: A Family Without Children	302	(1)
What Do You Think?	303	(1)
The Family with Young Children	304	(1)
The Family at Midlife: Adolescents and Aging Parents	304	(5)
The Needs of Adolescents	305	(1)
Parent-Child Problems	305	(1)
Emerging Adulthood	305	(1)
Caring for Aging Parents	306	(1)
The Couple's Midlife Concerns	307	(1)
Satisfaction at Midlife	308	(1)
The Launching and Empty-Nest Stage	309	(2)
The Couple Together Again	310	(1)
Personal
An Empty-Nest High	311	(1)
Grandparenthood	311	(2)
The Aging Family	313	(2)
Retirement	313	(1)
Marital Relations	314	(1)
Other Relationships	314	(1)
Comparison
Caring for Elderly Family Members on Malo	315	(2)
Death of a Spouse	315	(2)
Summary	317	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	318	(1)
Key Terms	318	(1)
Internet Connection
The Family Life Cycle	318	(5)
PART FIVE Challenges to Intimacy
Family Crises	323	(22)
Learning Objectives	323	(1)
Sources of Family Crises	324	(4)
Stress and Crisis	324	(1)
Stressor Events	325	(3)
Abuse of Alcohol and Other Drugs in the Family	328	(3)
Extent of Drug Abuse	328	(1)
Drug Abuse and the Quality of Family Life	328	(2)
Family Problems and Drug Abuse	330	(1)
Violence in Families	331	(4)
The Extent of Violence	331	(1)
Child Abuse	331	(1)
Incest	332	(1)
Spouse Abuse	333	(1)
Parent Abuse	334	(1)
What Do You Think?	335	(1)
Consequences of Abuse	335	(1)
Comparison
Intimate Partner Abuse in Canada	336	(1)
Reacting to Crises	336	(2)
Coping Patterns	338	(4)
Ineffective Coping Patterns	338	(2)
The Foundation of Effective Coping	340	(1)
Tools for Effective Coping	340	(2)
Personal
Things Were Terribly Still	342	(1)
Summary	343	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	343	(1)
Key Terms	344	(1)
Internet Connection
Family Crises	344	(1)
Separation and Divorce	345	(22)
Learning Objectives	345	(1)
Divorce Trends	346	(2)
Divorce Rates	346	(1)
Changing Grounds for Divorce	347	(1)
The Process of Uncoupling	348	(1)
Toward Marital Dissolution	348	(1)
What Do You Think?	349	(2)
The Six Stations of Divorce	351	(1)
Causes and Correlates of Divorce	351	(5)
Sociodemographic Factors	351	(3)
Interpersonal Factors	354	(2)
Comparison
Divorce, Japanese Style	356	(1)
Effects of Divorce on Spouses/Parents	357	(1)
Positive Outcomes	357	(1)
Health Problems	357	(1)
Financial Problems	358	(1)
Interaction between Former Spouses	358	(1)
Personal
``My Whole World Was Lost''	359	(1)
Effects of Divorce on Children	359	(4)
Short-Term Effects	360	(1)
Long-Term Effects	361	(1)
Gender Differences	362	(1)
Child Custody	363	(1)
Coping with the Disruption	364	(1)
Summary	365	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	366	(1)
Key Terms	366	(1)
Internet Connection
Separation and Divorce	366	(1)
Remarriage and Stepfamilies	367	(22)
Learning Objectives	367	(1)
Types and Number of Remarriages and Stepfamilies	368	(2)
Types of Remarried Couples	368	(1)
Demographics of Remarriage and Stepfamilies	369	(1)
Deja Vu: Dating and Mate Selection Revisited	370	(2)
Why Remarry?	372	(1)
Issues in Recoupling	372	(3)
The Myths of Remarriage	372	(1)
The Challenges of Remarriage	373	(1)
The Quality of Remarried Life	374	(1)
Personal
``My Husband's First Wife Is Straining My Marriage''	375	(1)
Comparison
Repartnering in Australia	376	(1)
Living in a Stepfamily	376	(1)
What Do You Think?	377	(7)
The Stepfamily Life Cycle	377	(1)
The Structure of the Stepfamily	378	(1)
Stepparents and Stepchildren	379	(4)
Family Functioning	383	(1)
Making It Work	384	(1)
Summary	385	(1)
Principles for Enhancing Intimacy	386	(1)
Key Terms	386	(1)
Internet Connection
Remarriage and Stepfamilies	386	(3)
Glossary	389	(4)
References	393	(46)
Credits	439	(2)
Name Index	441	(18)
Subject Index	459