Never Be Lonely Again

by Love, Pat; Carlson, Jon

• ISBN13: 9780757315657
• ISBN10: 0757315658
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2011-02-01
• Publisher: Hci

Summary

"Even in this time of mass communication and social media, we remain accessible but not engaged. You still can't snuggle up to an iPhone with much comfort or consolation. In fact, the more we rely on technology to keep us connected, the lonelier we become." from Never Be Lonely Again An approach that breaks through isolation and loneliness and puts readers on a path to true happiness In our fast-paced world of longer working hours and quick distractions, it's difficult to develop and maintain relationships that soothe the soul. Even as relationship and behavioral experts, both Pat Love and Jon Carlson each found themselves battling the plague of loneliness. It was only after a momentous meeting with the Dalai Lama that Love and Carlson began to develop an effective approach that would recalibrate the way they understood relationships. Now with Never Lonely Again, readers will learn how to find the necessary time to maintain friendships, be truly present for a partner, and reach out to people when in need. Pat Love and Jon Carlson tackle the problem of loneliness head on, showing how to develop healthier, more emotionally-satisfying behaviors that will nurture the relationships they have, and make them more open to lasting personal connections. Explains why loneliness is such a common problem in our fast-paced world Combines social science, Buddhist spirituality, and common-sense advice in an accessible and universal approach Provides a clear, practical guide for connecting conversation Highlights the importance of meaningful work and how it can alleviate loneliness

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. xiii
Introduction	p. xv
The Depth of Loneliness
Lonely Times	p. 3
Responding to Loneliness	p. 29
The Core of Loneliness in Five Questions
Who Am I?	p. 51
Am I Connected?	p. 71
Am I Living in Community?	p. 105
Are My Talents Utilized in Meaningful Work?	p. 135
Am I Living Out the Purpose of My Life?	p. 163
Happiness, Purpose, and the End of Loneliness	p. 183
Leaving Loneliness Behind
The Middle Way	p. 205
Never Be Lonely Again-Your Choice	p. 221
Index	p. 233
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into findingsomething to live for, great enough to die for. Dag Hammarskjöld, former U.N. secretary-general Pat's Story During the loneliest times in my life, the mantra in my head went something like this: 'Nobody knows me, and nobody wants to know me.' I went through my days longing for someone to reach out and grab me, engage me, and draw me fully into life. I wanted to be touched, known, and experienced, but I didn't know how to make that happen. I felt alone, isolated, and empty, but that didn't make sense. How could I feel empty when I was so busy and productive? How could I feel isolated when I was married to a fine man, had two healthy and bright children, and was surrounded by friends and acquaintances? My loneliness didn't make sense, but it was real, because despite my best efforts, my connection to others, even those I loved, seem to hang by a thread. Remembering the lonely times fills me with deep regret now, because I believe that I missed many important times in my life by not being present. I was there physically but not emotionally or intimately. I was disconnected from me and everyone else. Reflecting back, I can still conjure the sensation of watching my life pass by on television, once-removed from reality. It's a surreal experience to be in a room where everyone seems to be relating, having a real life, connecting and reconnecting, and I am not. I wonder now if anyone ever noticed my loneliness. Yet if someone had asked me, 'Pat, are you lonely?' I probably would have said, 'No.' The loneliness was just too painful and embarrassing to acknowledge. Being lonely made me feel like a failure, as though something were wrong with me. I had spent much of my early life fearing that people would feel sorry for me, and I didn't want to be pitied or somehow seen as damaged goods. Furthermore, I wasn't very aware; contemplation and self-examination were not part of my life. I didn't want to look at myself too closely; in fact, I kept moving from sunup to sundown just so I wouldn't be aware. I didn't want to be aware of the fact that I couldn't let anyone in or that I didn't know how to really connect with anyone even my own husband and children. The movie inside my head did not include a picture of me as lonely, yet the loneliness was visceral. I walked around with a feeling of longing, as though I were missing something vital. We once had a cat whose only kitten died shortly after birth, and afterward she walked around the house crying, going from room to room looking and searching. It was heartbreaking to watch her. That is what my life felt like so many, many times during the loneliness, especially in the morning and the evening, when it was the worst. I couldn't stay in bed once I awakened because the loneliness would take over, so as soon as I felt it coming I'd jump out of bed and get busy. At night I'd have to read or watch TV to distract my mind from going to the place of lon