9780762750931

One of three Americans is today a stepparent, a stepchild, or a stepsibling. That means there are lots of stepmothers and ex-wives out there wrestling with resentment, jealousy, anxiety, anger, and despair over their relationship with the "other woman" in their life. That's where stepmother/ex-wife team extraordinaire Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine step in. No One's the Bitch is their straight-talking, handholding walk through what is typically a very lonely minefield. Whether women just want to create a neutral, "business" partnership or actually, gulp, to become friends, this book shows them how to reach their goal through ten powerful steps, with chapter titles such as "Own Your Own Crap," "Collaborate," and "Communicate." The authors also recount their own journey, providing ample hope and reassurance to all women struggling to keep a blended family together.

Jennifer Newcomb Marine (the ex-wife) is an essayist, editor, and a former columnist for AustinMama.com, an award-winning Web site. She is the mother of two teenage daughters.

Carol Marine (the stepmother) is an oil-based artist who has had her work featured in both local and national magazines. She is the mother of a three-year-old son and stepmother to two teenage girls. Both Jennifer and Carol live near Austin, Texas.

Introduction	p. xiii
Who We Are	p. xiii
How We Got Here	p. xiv
Our Goal	p. xv
What to Expect	p. xv
What You Stand to Gain	p. xvi
Survey the Landscape (And Get Your Bearings)	p. 1
Going about Your Business	p. 1
"And To Your Left..."	p. 2
A Look Back from Us	p. 3
Common Features of the Stepmom/Ex-Wife Landscape	p. 5
Maxine and Stephanie Duke It Out, from Afar	p. 11
What about the Man?	p. 15
External Influences	p. 18
United by Their Differences	p. 21
Extra Reassurance	p. 23
Resources to Explore	p. 26
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 27
Own Your Own Crap (What, Me? A Dark Side?)	p. 28
Turning the Flashlight On	p. 28
A Look Back from Us	p. 28
Disowning Your Relatives	p. 31
Top Ten Reasons Not to Even Bother Trying to Get Along with the Stepmom or Ex-Wife	p. 34
Shadow Self, Up Close	p. 35
What about the Man?	p. 43
Dude, Where's My Trophy?	p. 51
Emotional Math: Payoffs vs. Costs	p. 51
Extra Reassurance	p. 55
Resources to Explore	p. 57
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 57
Imagine the Benefits (Dreams Pull You Forward)	p. 58
Lighter but Stronger!	p. 58
A Look Back from Us	p. 58
A Vital Fuel	p. 61
What's in It for Me?	p. 61
Two Parallel Realities for Maxine and Stephanie	p. 63
Overview of the Specific Benefits	p. 69
What about the Man?	p. 73
Creating a New Kind of Family Structure	p. 77
Stepping Back and Assessing	p. 80
Extra Reassurance	p. 80
Resources to Explore	p. 82
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 82
Take Action (Stretching, Inside and Out)	p. 83
The Difference between Sitting and Walking	p. 83
A Look Back from Us	p. 83
Things to Ponder Before You Act	p. 85
What about the Man?	p. 93
External Actions	p. 96
What You're Going to Actually Try	p. 96
Stuff to Keep in Mind Beforehand	p. 102
Signaling a Sea Change	p. 106
Invite Her for Coffee	p. 107
Extra Reassurance	p. 111
Resources to Explore	p. 114
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 115
Collaborate (Lighten Your Load-and Hers)	p. 116
No Singing, Just Drenched	p. 116
A Look Back from Us	p. 116
A Closer Look at Collaboration	p. 120
Defensiveness	p. 122
The Amazing Power of "Just Talking"	p. 125
What about the Man?	p. 127
Consistent Rules between Houses	p. 129
Extra Reassurance	p. 134
Resources to Explore	p. 137
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 138
Be Accountable (No One Else to Blame)	p. 139
Stay in Your Room!	p. 139
A Look Back from Us	p. 139
A Definition	p. 144
The Benefits of Being Accountable	p. 145
What Accountability Looks Like in Action	p. 148
Some Additional Challenges to Practicing Accountability	p. 150
What about the Man?	p. 151
Extra Reassurance	p. 152
Resources to Explore	p. 154
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 154
Communicate (Or, Why Aren't You a Mind Reader?)	p. 155
On the One Hand	p. 155
A Look Back from Us	p. 155
Communication 101	p. 158
Consequences of Poor Communication	p. 161
What about the Man?	p. 166
Harnessing Good Communication to Increase Two-Family Harmony	p. 167
Family Meetings	p. 169
Extra Reassurance	p. 170
Resources to Explore	p. 173
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 173
Regroup (Dust Off Your Pants When You Fall Down)	p. 174
A Pile of Fire Extinguishers	p. 174
A Look Back from Us	p. 174
How Many Kinds of Conflict? Let Me Count the Ways	p. 177
Help for in the Moment	p. 178
Help You Can Use Later	p. 184
What about the Man?	p. 188
Other Ideas to Try	p. 189
Extra Reassurance	p. 190
Resources to Explore	p. 193
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 193
Strengthen (Bringing out the Best in the Kids)	p. 194
A Common Horizon	p. 194
A Look Back from Us	p. 194
What Might Stand in the Way	p. 197
What about the Man?	p. 201
Why Do This?	p. 202
Examine What They Need	p. 203
Figure Out How to Make It Happen	p. 204
One Last Motivator	p. 206
Extra Reassurance	p. 206
Resources to Explore	p. 208
As We Leave the Chapter	p. 209
Celebrate and Acknowledge (Anytime is Springtime)	p. 210
Shaking Hands over the Fence	p. 210
A Look Back from Us	p. 210
How Far You've Come	p. 215
What about the Man?	p. 216
Putting Current Problems in Perspective	p. 217
Look for More Ways to Bond and Connect	p. 223
Extra Reassurance	p. 224
Resources to Explore	p. 225
As We Leave the Chapter (and the Book)	p. 225
Index	p. 227
Acknowledgments	p. 235
About the Authors	p. 237
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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From the Introduction

It’s a nasty word,bitch.

It’s one thing if you’re standing up in the face of injustice to do the right thing—who cares if anyone thinks you’re abitch? But being thought of asbitch in generalis another thing altogether.

No one wants that.

And yet, here’s the setup between ex-wife and stepmother: The other woman, no matter which side you start from, isautomatically a bitch. . . .

And isn’t it irritating to know the other side is almost certainly calling you abitch?! . . .

We’ve figured out a way to do it otherwise. We don’t know everything, but we do know a few things. And we’d like to tell you about them.

Excerpted from No One's the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationship by Jennifer Newcomb Marine, Carol Marine
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

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No One's the Bitch A Ten-Step Plan For The Mother And Stepmother Relationship

0762750936

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