A Parent's Guide to Raising Grieving Children Rebuilding Your Family after the Death of a Loved One

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  • Edition: 1st
  • Format: Paperback
  • Copyright: 2009-04-02
  • Publisher: Oxford University Press
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When children lose someone they love, they lose part of their very identity. Life, as they knew it, will never be quite the same. The world that once felt dependable and safe may suddenly seem a frightening, uncertain place, where nobody understands what they're feeling. In this deeply sympathetic book, Phyllis R. Silverman and Madelyn Kelly offer wise guidance on virtually every aspect of childhood loss, from living with someone who's dying to preparing the funeral; from explaining death to a two year old to managing the moods of a grieving teenager; from dealing with people who don't understand to learning how and where to get help from friends, therapists, and bereavement groups; from developing a new sense of self to continuing a relationship with the person who died. Throughout, the authors advocate an open, honest approach, suggesting that our instinctive desire to "protect" children from the reality of death may be more harmful than helpful. "Children want you to acknowledge what is happening, to help them understand it," the authors suggest. "In this way, they learn to trust their own ability to make sense out of what they see." Drawing on groundbreaking research into what bereaved children are really experiencing, and quoting real conversations with parents and children who have walked that road, the book allows readers to see what others have learned from mourning and surviving the death of a loved one. In a culture where grief is so often invisible and misunderstood, the wisdom derived from such first-hand experience is invaluable. Filled with compassion and common sense, A Parent's Guide to Raising Grieving Children: Rebuilding Your Family after the Loss of a Loved One offers readers a wealth of solace and sound advice, and even--where one might least expect it--a measure of hope.

Author Biography

Phyllis R. Silverman has received many awards for her work and is recognized internationally as a leader in the field of bereavement. The co-principal investigator of the pioneering Harvard Child Bereavement Study, her books include Widow to Widow: How the Bereaved Help Each Other and Never Too Young to Know: Death in Children's Lives.
Madelyn Kelly is a writer and television news producer, and the mother of two sons. Her husband, the writer/columnist/editor Michael Kelly, was the first American journalist to be killed in the Iraq war, in 2003. She edited a compilation of his work, Things Worth Fighting For: Collected Writing.

Table of Contents

Road Map For A Long Journeyp. 1
You Don't Have to Do This Alonep. 2
Why We Wrote This Bookp. 4
How to Read This Bookp. 7
Some Words of Advicep. 8
What Death Means to Childrenp. 12
Age Mattersp. 13
Preschool-Age Children: A Limited Concept of Deathp. 17
Elementary School-Age Children: A Growing Understanding of Deathp. 21
The Teenage Years: A Fuller Comprehensionp. 28
Someone I Love Is Dyingp. 34
Getting Bad Newsp. 35
How to Get Helpp. 43
My Spouse Is Dying: Anticipating Living as a Single Parentp. 52
My Child Is Dying: Anticipating an Altered Familyp. 55
Someone I Love Has Diedp. 60
The Finality of Death: The Door Is Closedp. 63
How Children Reactp. 64
Staggering Throughp. 70
Making Decisionsp. 72
Rites and Ritualsp. 77
After A Parent's Death: A World Upside Downp. 86
Losing Your Past, Present, and Futurep. 87
What Your Children Have Lostp. 88
Different Ways of Showing Griefp. 90
Lives Reexaminedp. 91
Redesigning the Role of Parentp. 92
Going Back to Schoolp. 101
Feelings and What to Do with Themp. 107
Falling Apart, and Coming Togetherp. 114
Be Patient with Yourself and with Your Childrenp. 121
After A Child's Death: A Family Disruptedp. 123
The Parent's View: Coping with Your Own Lossp. 126
Two Parents, and at Least Two Ways of Grievingp. 130
Other People Do Not Always Helpp. 134
Parenting Your Other Childrenp. 137
The Child's View: What It Means to Lose a Siblingp. 140
Friends and Bulliesp. 143
Collapse of Their World: A Lost Way of Lifep. 146
The Lost Worldp. 148
A New Outlook, for You and Your Childrenp. 155
After A Friend's Death: Invisible Mournersp. 158
Death and Funeralsp. 163
Trying to Make Sense of It Allp. 169
Constructing a Relationship with the Person Who Diedp. 175
Help of All Kindsp. 180
The Early Period after the Deathp. 181
Finding Help at Schoolp. 185
Help with Financial and Legal Issuesp. 186
Time Moves Forward, but Help Is Still Neededp. 188
Individual Counseling for Children and Adultsp. 191
Bereavement Groups for Children and Adultsp. 193
Not All Help Is Helpfulp. 198
A Reordered Universep. 202
Continuing Bondsp. 205
What Happens after Death: Faith, Dreams, Visions, and Visitsp. 206
Connections over Timep. 213
Looking Back, Looking Aheadp. 226
The New Worldp. 227
Dating and Remarriagep. 229
The Child's Pathp. 236
Indexp. 245
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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