Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse

by Griffin, Forrest; Krauss, Erich; Lee, Jason

• ISBN13: 9780061998263
• ISBN10: 0061998265
• Edition: Reprint
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2011-08-09
• Publisher: Harpercollins

Summary

Do you really need to buy this book? You gotta ask yourself one question: Are you going to be ready when the sh*t goes down? Here is a quick checklist: 1. Have you dug up your wife's rose garden and built a fallout shelter, equipped with a prison where you can lock up annoying family members? 2. Have you mapped out an escape route to your safe zone? 3. Is there a vehicle of death sitting in your garage? 4. Have you filled your go bag with all the needed instruments, including waterproof matches, postapocalyptic goggles, and at least one sexual party favor? 5. Have you learned how to milk various types of animals, including a giraffe? As you can see, you need this book more than you even know. Without it, you're roadkill. Lucky for you, Forrest Griffin is the perfect apocalyptic chaperon. When he was in the womb, his mother had visions that the world would soon crumble, and Forrest would be the messiah of all mankind. He learned of these "visions" at the age of ten, and although they led him to believe that his mom had just been watching Mad Max and eating bad Mexican food, nevertheless he began his postapocalyptic training-a part of which involved his becoming a proud member of the Webelos, which is just one step below Boy Scout. And you know what the Boy Scout motto is. (Well, I hope you do, because Forrest doesn't have a clue). Another part involved hoarding ketchup packets, which he sucked down in the darkness of his room while listening to Nine Inch Nails. Hey, don't judge . . . hoarders are survivors. Just look at squirrels, they have been around longer than sharks. If you want to survive the end of the world, and then avoid ending up in a government holding pen suffering from a bunch of diseases and listening to crying babies, you've got some skills to master. But don't worry-Forrest has you covered. From spotting the signs of the global downfall, to alienating your loved ones now so they don't come looking for you after, to hot-wiring a car to starting a religion in your own image, he provides you with all the hot knowledge you need to survive the downfall of civilization. Simply put, this is the most important book about the apocalypse that you will ever read by a UFC fighter from Georgia.

Author Biography

Forrest Griffin is one of the top-ranked light-heavyweight mixed martial artists in the world. He won the first season of The Ultimate Fighter in 2005 and has been one of the most beloved UFC fighters ever since. He is the Day man, fighter of the Night man, and champion of the sun. He is also a master of karate and friendship for everyone. But calm down, ladies, Forrest and his main squeeze, Jaime, live in Las Vegas.

Table of Contents

Parental Warning	p. ix
Acknowledgments	p. xi
Forrest, What the Fuck Are You Thinking?	p. xvii
You MUST Pass This Test ... This Time I Mean It!	p. 1
Prepare now, Part I: How to be Ted Kaczynski without all that Unabomber Crap	p. 27
Prepare now, Part II: Don't Forget to Pack your Toothbrush	p. 71
How Shit will go Down	p. 83
Surviving the Initial Shit Storm	p. 129
No, you can't Invite your Friends-they will Trash our Utopia	p. 192
Epilogue	p. 236
Appendix	p. 241
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.