Reptiles in Love Ending Destructive Fights and Evolving Toward More Loving Relationships

by Ferguson, Don

• ISBN13: 9781118436202
• ISBN10: 1118436202
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2012-04-24
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass

Summary

Nagging, snide comments, passive-aggressive tendencies, running away, childish insults; sometimes even the most loving couples can revert to their primitive nature. Don Ferguson, a psychologist and relationship therapist, has discovered that no matter how evolved we think we are, our reptilian brain is still primed for instantaneous reactions and fight-or-flight. This syndrome can rule relationships and in the end destroy them. Through the latest neurological research, Ferguson has discovered how to manage our primitive reactions with thoughtful, 'new brain' interventions. Written in a highly entertaining and readable way, Reptiles in Love has an answer for helping couples to stop attacking each other and transform their dysfunctional, prehistoric relationship into a more evolved and loving partnership.

Author Biography

Don Ferguson Ph.D. has been a leading teacher, trainer, and practitioner in the field of relationships and couples therapy for more than 20 years. He has presented hundreds of seminars and trainings to organizations and groups of psychiatrists, psychologists, and psychotherapists, and specifically has developed the Reptiles in Love program to the point where it is well researched, presented and taught frequently to professionals, and applied successfully by many couples who have benefited from it over the years. (See his websites: www.reptilesinlove.com, and www.donfergusonseminars.com. Presently staff Psychologist, he was formerly the Clinical Director for Psychiatry at Dean Health System, a major health care provider in Madison, Wisconsin.

Table of Contents

Preface: Be Like Elvis! But Less Dead vii

Introduction 1

Part I: Understanding the Reptile in Us

1. The Dinosaur Legacy: Why We Fight Poorly 13

2. Lizard Madness: Understanding Methods and Cycles in Stupid Fighting 35

Part II: Five Steps to Ending Destructive Fights and Evolving Toward More Loving Relationships

3. Step One: Assess Your Relationship 61

4. Step Two: Learn to Communicate in a Nonreptilian Manner 89

5. Step Three: Clarify Your Needs and Fears Together 109

6. Step Four: Add Positives and Build Intimacy 129

7. Step Five: Learn Nonreptilian Lovemaking 147

Part III: Special Issues for Evolving Reptiles

8. Once Bitten . . . : Surviving Betrayal 169

9. Reptiles in Therapy: An Introduction to Couples Therapy 193

10. Pure Divorce: If You Must, End and Leave Fully Human 209

Afterword: A Few Words in Closing 223

Notes 225

Resources 235

About the Author 247

Index 249