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Reuben Hecht has been stuck at the age of 17 since he ran away to the Ivory Coast twenty years ago. His mother regularly beats him with a wooden spoon to make him complete his pictorial assignments for the Holy German Paintbrush Distance Learning Academy; his father has taken to his bed to hatch out a dwarf.
After attending a concert by the rock group "The Flesh-eating Fetish Bitches", Reuben decides not to return home, as he has heard reports that his parents are dead and the family GP and the parish priest are pursuing him to put him in a children's home for good, since he will never come of age.
This starts him off on a surreal odyssey in which the owner of a freak show sends him, together with Edwina, who can switch age at will, to the mysterious Colony to bring back some of the androids developed from UHT milk that have been reported there.
