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Coworker relationships influence quality of life, both on and off the job. Wess Roberts shows how workplace colleagues can get along, whether their natural personalities mesh like gears or clash like cats and dogs.It Takes More Than a Carrot and a Stick provides practical tips and surefire tactics for working with anyone. The book addresses how to get along with the 15 self-limited character types commonly encountered at work, from "Imperious Jerks" to "Perpetual Victims." Roberts walks the reader through each character type, giving concrete advice on how to thrive with others.
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| Afterword | 137 |
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Chapter One
IMPERIOUS JERKS
"The Masters of the Universe"
Domineering and overbearing, Imperious Jerks are driven by a grandiose sense of self-importance. They are so full of themselves that on Judgment Day, when they see God sitting upon His throne, they just might look up and say, "Hey, you're in my chair!"
Imperious Jerks are conceited, arrogant authoritarians who believe themselves to be unique and extraordinarily capable movers and shakers regardless of the position they occupy. They have a fascination with making big things happen, and an insatiable need for constant acclaim. They will take extreme measures to protect their fragile self-esteem, as they are easily offended by the smallest slights and become jealous and resentful of anyone who overshadows their limelight. And their overblown vanity prevents them from feeling the least bit of embarrassment when others glorify them with fawning praise.
Imperious Jerks are creatures of opportunistic necessity, which variously compels them to become pompous asses, vicious combatants, charming as a politician at a fund-raiser, or cunning as a fox stalking a rabbit for supper. Forced to choose between power or wealth, Imperious Jerks will predictably opt for power because they know power can always be used to produce personal fortunes.
Imperious Jerks are an oddity in a time when humility, corroboration, congeniality, and benevolence are highly respected personal traits. They are haughty, pushy, disagreeable, and ruthless.
On the other hand, Imperious Jerks also tend to be extraordinarily self-disciplined, methodical, intelligent, and highly competitive--traits that generally make them very effective executives. They are exceptionally skilled at networking, and they know how to leverage their relationships with influential people. They also have an uncanny ability to accomplish significant goals. And regardless of how vulgarly overpaid Imperious Jerks may be, the largest part of the bounty from their conquests goes to benefit a lot of other people--workers, investors, the community, and even customers.
As managers, Imperious Jerks tend to be impatient but capable leaders with keen "big-picture" minds driven by overweening pride. They are extraordinarily demanding of their associates and are intimidating to most people. They can be so insensitive at times that they unconsciously cause others to feel bad about themselves. And their frequent and noteworthy conquests make the occasional battles they lose in the corporate wars inconsequential.
As peers, Imperious Jerks are bullies who do what they must to outshine the competition. The unit they manage and the projects they lead are always more important to the viability of the organization than yours are. Consequently, Imperious Jerks have the boss's ear, the biggest budget, and the most staff support. This takes away from your time with the boss, dilutes your budget, reduces your staff support, and otherwise makes it difficult to compete with them, as they make certain that the playing field is always tilted in their favor.
As subordinates, Imperious Jerks are difficult to manage. They place heavy demands on your time and attention. If you don't provide them with the resources they request, they will go over your head to get them. However, if these otherwise capable associates do not easily intimidate you, Imperious Jerks will consistently perform above expectations for someone in their job.
The problem in getting along with Imperious Jerks is not just found in the extraordinarily high expectations they set for themselves and others. It is also found in their overbearing exercise of power that exploits and intimidates, stifles risk taking, confounds creativity, and gives birth to resentment rather than respect. Indeed, dealing with an Imperious Jerk can be as intimidating as facing a saber-toothed tiger when you're armed with only a sharp stick. But it doesn't have to be, nor should it.
If you work for an Imperious Jerk:
• Understand who's in charge. Imperious Jerk managers do not share power. You cannot win power struggles with them, so don't waste your time and energy trying. Ordinarily, no matter how off center they may be over an issue, you can't overpower an Imperious Jerk manager with facts or logic. And more often than not, wars of will with an Imperious Jerk manager end with your being fired. However, if you feel compelled to disagree with an Imperious Jerk manager about one thing or another, do your homework and do it well. There is nothing that will get you shot down faster than trying to disagree with an Imperious Jerk without being fully prepared beforehand. Going to a gunfight unarmed is safer for your self-esteem and more advised for the health of your credibility.
If you want to be respected--treated well--by an Imperious Jerk manager, you have to bring something well conceived, meaningful, and useful to the table. Imperious Jerk managers are arrogant, but they will listen--and sometimes yield--to a different point of view, especially when they can use your ideas to their advantage. So instead of fighting a battle you can't win, become an ally and make yourself appear to be so important to your Imperious Jerk manager's success they will do everything possible to help you succeed.
• Learn to separate tactless putdowns from constructive criticism. Imperious Jerks are prone to indiscriminately berating subordinates when discreet feedback would be much more effective and beneficial. This predisposition can destroy your self-confidence and kill your enthusiasm if you take everything an Imperious Jerk bellows out at you to heart. Understand that this uncivilized behavior is generally nothing personal but simply their management style--their modus operandi. However, if you listen carefully, rather than tune them out completely, you will hear something amid their sound and fury that will signify a way you can improve your job performance, which in turn will always improve your ability to get along with Imperious Jerks.
• Don't be a wimp. Imperious Jerk managers can go through wimps faster than someone with a runny nose goes through a box of tissues. The reason for this is that wimps opt for flight rather than fight when their dignity is being stomped on. No one has the right to stomp on your dignity. Standing up to an abusive Imperious Jerk is far less risky than wimps believe. Imperious Jerks fully understand that a reputation for callously mistreating their subordinates is never offset by stellar results in any other aspect of their job.
• Be useful. Imperious Jerk managers develop relationships based entirely on what other people can do for them. Although they are often sloppy with details, they expect others to be thorough in every aspect of their work. This means that when working for an Imperious Jerk you need to be doing something they believe needs doing, and you have to do it well. Like it or not, it's to your advantage to make your boss look good. When what you do polishes your boss's image, it makes you look good as well. And there is no better way to get along with an Imperious Jerk manager.
If you have a peer who is an Imperious Jerk:
• Refrain from getting into ego battles. Imperious Jerks have very fragile egos that force them to constantly emphasize their expertise so as not to have it challenged. In a war of intellect, Imperious Jerks always lead with their résumé. Their schooling is always better than yours. They know more important people than you. And they have accomplished greater feats than you have. Of course, none of this makes them experts, only intimidators who like to bully. Competent people don't have to qualify their ideas and opinions by flaunting where they went to college, who they know, or their past accomplishments. The fact is that leading with your résumé, namedropping, and showcasing your campaign ribbons comes across as personal insecurity rather than self-confidence. Don't be afraid to speak out on matters and issues that you understand. If you know what you are talking about, everyone will see it.
On the flip side of the coin, if the subject of the discussion is beyond the scope of your expertise, it's always better to listen and learn, because when you don't understand what you're talking about everyone will know it. And always remember that leading with your ego doesn't make what you have to say more important or credible but actually distracts from it.
• Stand your ground. Imperious Jerks are like bullies at school who take lunch money from vulnerable classmates. And like bullies, they will back off from peers who stand up for their right to be treated with civility.
• Choose your friends wisely. Imperious Jerks can't help but make a lot of enemies. Although you can't choose your peers, you can always choose which of them you want to be associated with. It is also wise to remember that despite their willingness to destroy organizational civility to achieve their own ends, Imperious Jerks are usually on the fast track and tend to get promoted ahead of their peers. This explains why you shouldn't become enemies with an Imperious Jerk needlessly. The keys here are: do your job, don't interfere with them doing their jobs, and don't try to be the group diplomat--that's your manager's responsibility.
• Collaborate, cooperate, and communicate. Imperious Jerks are not out to destroy you but to advance their own interests, and they don't waste their time and energy on the unimportant. Having the opportunity to team up with an Imperious Jerk on a project, even though they will always be the star, puts you under the spotlight as well. And as long as you're sharing the stage of success with an Imperious Jerk, take advantage of the opportunity to put your talents on display.
If you manage an Imperious Jerk:
• Give them tough assignments. Imperious Jerks have insatiable egos that feed on serial opportunities for them to be heroes. Providing them with formidable responsibility exhausts energy they would otherwise use bullying their coworkers and browbeating you. And, more importantly, Imperious Jerks generally accomplish what they set out to achieve, which means giving them tough assignments makes you look even more effective as a manager.
• Help them play nice. As an instinctive impulse well embedded in their basic nature, Imperious Jerks tend to badger their coworkers even after being told to stop bullying them. They just don't know more amiable ways to cooperate or to compete, and they misinterpret browbeating and intimidating their coworkers as strengths rather than seeing these vitriolic tactics as character weaknesses. Consequently, you have to keep reminding Imperious Jerks to treat their coworkers respectfully. Given such guidance, Imperious Jerks typically tone down their cavalier constitution and remit their boorish behavior--that is, until you stop keeping their egos tethered.
• Manage rewards justly. Imperious Jerks consider themselves as the chosen among their coworkers, which induces them to think they are entitled to more rewards than anyone else. They can never get enough rewards to satiate their gluttonous need for esteem or to keep their fragile egos constantly inflated. If you cave in to their incessant demands for more tokens of appreciation than they have rightfully earned, two things will happen: you will diminish your credibility, and you will dilute the standard of reward-worthy contributions you set for everyone else you manage.
On the other hand, if you don't compensate them well, Imperious Jerks will find another manager who will. Therefore, although managing rewards justly is never wrong, if you don't manage Imperious Jerks' rewards in a way that they feel is right, you will most likely lose their services. And rest assured that there are times when keeping Imperious Jerks in your service is important enough that you have to find a way to justify overcompensating them.
Getting along with Imperious Jerks is very much a matter of not allowing their haughty sense of self-importance to become an obstacle in your interactions with them. Stay focused on issues. Don't get caught up in personality clashes with them. And always bear in mind that if you can see past their obvious character flaws, Imperious Jerks make great mentors and allies who can help you achieve your own ambitions.
Excerpted from It Takes More Than a Carrot and a Stick by WESS ROBERTS. Copyright © 2001 by Wess Roberts. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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