Toxic In-Laws

by Forward, Susan; Frazier, Donna

• ISBN13: 9780060196813
• ISBN10: 0060196815
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2001-09-13
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publications

Summary

Toxic in-laws are family members who create genuine chaos through various assaults -- aggressive or subtle -- on you and your marriage, and they can be recognized in a wide variety of guises: "The Critics," who seldom miss a chance to tell you what you're doing wrong; "The Controllers," who try to run you and your partner's life; "The Engulfers," who make incessant demands on your time; "The Masters of Chaos," who drain you and your partner with their problems, expecting you to be their rescuers, and "The Rejecters," who wound you deeply by letting you know they don't want you as part of their family. And the longer that conflicts with these in-laws remain unresolved and not dealt with effectively, the more damaging these conflicts and people will become. How to recognize and stop these destructive patterns Now, from bestselling author Susan Forward, comes a remarkable self-help guide that is both practical and powerful. She draws on real-life voices and stories of women and men struggling to free themselves from the frustrating, hurtful, and infuriating relationships with their toxic in-laws. What makes in-law problems uniquely difficult is that they are part of a triangle -- you, your in-laws, and the person you married. One dynamic of these destructive relationships is that you often feel as if you are in the middle of a powerful tug-of-war for your partner's loyalty. And the hurt from your partner's lack of support is often more painful that anything your in-laws do. Forward shows you clearly how your in-laws manipulate your partner. This new clarity will help you feel less bitterness and far more empathy toward him or her so that you can begin the vital process of protecting your marriage. Strategies that work First, Forward offers you highly effective communication and behavioral techniques for getting through to partners who won't or can't stand up to their parents. Her unique methods allow you to defuse the anger and feelings of betrayal that flare up when a partner won't defend you. Next, she lays out accessible and practical ways to reclaim your marriage from your in-laws. She shows you what to say, what to do, and what limits to set. If you follow these strategies, you may not turn toxic in-laws into the in-laws of your dreams, but you will find some peace in your relationship with them. Most important, you will reclaim your dignity and self-respect, and reconnect more strongly than ever with the one you love.

Table of Contents

Introduction	ix
Part One: Toxic In-Laws
The In-Law Triangle	3	(16)
The Critics	19	(22)
The Engulfers	41	(22)
The Controllers	63	(20)
The Masters of Chaos	83	(21)
The Rejectors	104	(20)
Why Do Toxic In-Laws Behave This Way?	124	(26)
Part Two: Protecting Your Marriage
Introduction to Part Two: My Contract with You	147	(3)
Shifting Your Focus	150	(18)
When Expectations Play Havoc	168	(17)
Rights and Responsibilities	185	(17)
Grace Under Pressure	202	(12)
Enlisting Your Partner as Ally	214	(15)
Dealing with Your Partner's Response	229	(17)
The Final Step	246	(23)
Epilogue	269	(2)
Index	271