Ultimate Audition Book, Volume 4 : 222 Comedy Monologues, 2 Minutes and Under

by Aston, Irene Ziegler

• ISBN13: 9781575254203
• ISBN10: 1575254204
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2005-05-30
• Publisher: Smith & Kraus Pub Inc

Summary

The Hottest Collection of Comedy Monologues Available! If you've ever searched for a good comic monologue-whether for a professional audition, a class, or a competition-you know how frustrating the hunt can be. We've combed over some of the world's best comic writing to bring you 222 Comic Monologues: Two Minutes and Under. It's all funny stuff here: classic and contemporary works; roles for men and women ages 7 to 100; entertaining voices from writers as varied as Christopher Durang and Langston Hughes, orothy Parker and Steve Martin, Margaret Cho and Molière. You'll find shades of comedy from light to dark: situational humor, word play, absurdity, and surrealism. These monologues are alternately romantic, silly, militant, downright zany-first-rate character work by both new and established comic writers.

Author Biography

IRENE ZIEGLER ASTON is an actor, teacher, playwright, and novelist. Most recently, she played Maggie Runyon in The Contender (nominated for two academy awards) and can currently be seen as Mrs. Laughlin in Showtime's series, Going to California. She has taught speech, oral interpretation, and acting at Eastern Michigan University, Old Dominion University, and the University of Richmond, where she was an Artist in Residence.JOHN CAPECCI holds a Ph.D. in Speech Communication and has nearly twenty years experience coaching, teaching, and presenting public performances. John has taught communication techniques and performance theory and practice to high school, undergraduate, graduate, and adult learners. He is an editor, along with Irene Ziegler, of The Ultimate Audition Book II: 222 Monologues from Literature, Two Minutes and Under, The Ultimate Audition Book III: 222 Monologues, Two Minutes and Under from the Movies, The Ultimate Audition Book IV: 222 Monologues, Two Minutes and Under. He also has published essays on the performance of literature.

Table of Contents

Introduction	xi
WOMEN'S COMIC MONOLOGUES
Absence of Gray Matter, Weckesser	2	(2)
All Mistaken, or The Mad Couple (2), Howard	4	(3)
The Altruists, (2), Silver	7	(2)
Always Ridiculous, Echegaray	9	(1)
The Arkansas Tornado, Rogers	10	(1)
As You Like It, Shakespeare	11	(1)
Bad Dates, Rebeck	12	(1)
Battle of the Sexes, Heimel	13	(2)
The Beaux' Stratagem, Farquhar	15	(1)
Bebe's by Golly Wow, Joe	16	(1)
Between the Lines, Smith	17	(2)
Black Thang, Essandoh	19	(1)
But the One on the Right, Parker	20	(1)
Butterflies are Free, Gershe	21	(1)
By Faith Alone, Cooke	22	(1)
The Casket Comedy, Plautus	23	(1)
Catholic Schoolgirls, Kurtti	24	(1)
Check, Please, Tucker	25	(1)
The Coal Diamond, (2), Lauro	26	(2)
Confessions of a Shopaholic, Kinsella	28	(1)
The Country Wife, Wycherly	29	(2)
Cuthbert's Last Stand, (2), Biss	31	(3)
'dentity Crisis, Durang	34	(2)
The Double-Dealer, Congreve	36	(1)
driver's ed, Schutzman	37	(1)
The Dutch Courtesan, (2), Marston	38	(2)
The Ecclesiazus, Aristophanes	40	(1)
Flesh and Bones, King	41	(1)
Folé! Olé!, Allen	42	(1)
F-Stop, Humphrey	43	(1)
Galaxy Video, Morales	44	(1)
Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet), MacDonald	45	(2)
Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas, Robbins	47	(1)
He Said, Then I Said, Edwards	48	(1)
Heading West, Goulding	49	(2)
Hold Please, (2), Weisman	51	(2)
An Ideal Husband, Wilde	53	(1)
I'm the One that I Want, Cho	54	(1)
The Importance of Being Earnest, Wilde	55	(1)
Jesus Loves Good Christians, Dawes	56	(2)
Juno Agonistes, De Christopher	58	(1)
Kitchen Sink Drama, Biss	59	(1)
L.A., Heimel	60	(2)
Lady Windermere's Fan, Wilde	62	(2)
Love Allways, Taylor and Bologna	64	(2)
Madame Fickle, Durfey	66	(1)
Make Me Laugh, Clown, Notaro	67	(1)
Martian Gothic, Nigro	68	(1)
Mimiamboi, Herodas	69	(2)
New York Water, Bobrick	71	(1)
Once Upon a Mattress, Thompson, Barer, and Fuller	72	(1)
Picasso at the Lapin Agile, Martin	73	(2)
Pius and Me, Byers	75	(1)
Polly Honeycombe, Colman	76	(1)
Pretzels and Longing, Eisenstein	77	(1)
The Provoked Wife, Vanbrugh	78	(1)
The Rivals, Sheridan	79	(1)
Ruling Passion, (2), Horton	80	(4)
Screaming Violet, Grimberg	84	(1)
Seating and Other Arrangements, Kahn	85	(2)
Smashing, Berman	87	(1)
Three Weeks After Marriage, Foote	88	(1)
True Story, (2), Williams	89	(3)
U.S. Drag, Gionfriddo	92	(1)
vagina dentata, Chapman	93	(2)
Valhalla, (2), Rudnick	95	(2)
The Way of the World, Congreve	97	(1)
What's Rennet?, Fehér	98	(2)
Where's My Money?, Shanley	100	(1)
White Elephants, Martin	101	(1)
Why Women Need Big, Strong Rich Men, Heitman	102	(1)
Winner of the National Book Award, Willett	103	(2)
A Woman of No Importance, Wilde	105	(3)
FEMALE SERIOCOMIC MONOLOGUES
Angels in America: Millennium Approaches, Kushner	108	(1)
Blown Away, Walker	109	(1)
The Brothers, (2), Collins	110	(2)
The Bubbly Black Girl Sheds Her Chameleon Skin, Childs	112	(1)
Careless Vows, Marivaux	113	(1)
Dear John, Somkin	114	(2)
Empire Falls, Russo	116	(1)
Hey for Honesty, Randolph	117	(1)
Hot Flashes, Cold Horses, Lavine	118	(1)
Johnnieruth, (2), Birtha	119	(4)
Kimberly Akimbo, Lindsay-Abaire	123	(1)
Lady Windemere's Fan, Wilde	124	(2)
The Last Cigarette, Kramer	126	(2)
Lovers, Friel	128	(1)
Mama Day, Naylor	129	(1)
Normal Girl, Jong-Fast	130	(1)
Omnium Gatherum, Rebeck and Gersten-Vassilaros	131	(1)
Perfect Body, Meier	132	(1)
The Perfect Fight, Lee	133	(2)
Picasso, Maybe	135	(2)
Says I, Says He, Hutchinson	137	(1)
The School of Beauty and Charm, Sumner	138	(1)
Screaming Violet, Grimberg	139	(1)
Smugglers Three, Lavine	140	(1)
Spell #7, Shange	141	(2)
Storage, Samra	143	(2)
To Die for Want of Lobster, McNickle	145	(1)
Tophet Point, Swanson	146	(2)
True Story, Williams	148	(2)
White Linoleum, Cole	150	(4)
MALE COMIC MONOLOGUES
The 72-Ounce Steak, Kramer	154	(2)
Actor!, Stroppel	156	(1)
Alien Idiots, Krzemien	157	(1)
Amphitryon, Dryden	158	(1)
Anton in Show Business, (2), Jane Martin	159	(2)
The Arkansas Tornado, Rogers	161	(1)
The Bachelor's Soliloquoy, Anonymous	162	(2)
The Bad-Tempered Man, Menander	164	(1)
Benefit, Bogosian	165	(2)
Bigfoot Stole My Wife, Carlson	167	(1)
Birth, Jaja	168	(1)
Black Thang, (2), Essandoh	169	(2)
The Boor, Chekhov	171	(2)
Boy's Life, Korder	173	(2)
Calling Wanda, Gogerty	175	(1)
Casina, Plautus	176	(1)
The Casket Comedy, Plautus	177	(1)
Changes in the Memory After Fifty, Steve Martin	178	(1)
The Clawfoot Interviews, Trieschmann	179	(1)
The Clouds, (3), Aristophanes	180	(5)
The Constant Couple, Farquhar	185	(1)
Contest, Hughes	186	(1)
The Contrast, Tyler	187	(1)
The Country Wit, Crowne	188	(1)
The Customs Collector in Baggy Pants, Ferlinghetti	189	(1)
Dating Your Mom, Frazier	190	(1)
Dick, Rothstein	191	(2)
The Discovery, Sheridan	193	(2)
The Doctor in Spite of Himself, Molière	195	(2)
Dominic, Matsushita	197	(2)
Duane, Matsushita	199	(2)
Dumb as a Brick, Knight	201	(1)
The Fawn, (2), Marston	202	(2)
Good Evening, Cook and Moore	204	(1)
Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas, (2), Robbins	205	(3)
An Indignation Dinner, Corrothers	208	(2)
Life Without Leann, Doyle	210	(2)
Love Tricks, Shirley	212	(1)
The Mathematics of Change, Kornbluth	213	(1)
Mexican American, Najera	214	(1)
The Minor, Foote	215	(1)
Monster in a Box, Gray	216	(1)
My Heart and the Real World, White	217	(1)
Never Tell, (2), Christy	218	(2)
The Old Bachelor, (2), Congreve	220	(2)
Picasso at the Lapin Agile, (2), Steve Martin	222	(2)
The Projectors, Wilson	224	(1)
Psycho Beach Party, Busch	225	(1)
Red Diaper Baby, Kornbluth	226	(2)
Remedial English, Smith	228	(1)
Romance in D, Sherman	229	(1)
The School, Barthelme	230	(2)
Sophistry, Sherman	232	(1)
The Spellin' Bee, Dunbar	233	(2)
Stick a Fork in It, Pal, Knight	235	(1)
The Virtuoso, Shadwell	236	(1)
Wasp, Steve Martin	237	(1)
Where's My Money?, Shanley	238	(2)
MALE SERIOCOMIC MONOLOGUES
Afternoon Lovers, Wark	240	(1)
Baby With the Bathwater, Durang	241	(1)
Bang, Lerner	242	(1)
bear trap, Chapman	243	(2)
Beeperless Remote, Whitfield	245	(1)
The Commissioner, Courteline	246	(1)
Coriolanus, Shakespeare	247	(2)
The Country Wife, Wycherly	249	(1)
Crush Everlasting, Ulrich	250	(1)
The Fair Maid of the Exchange, Heywood	251	(1)
The Fairy Garden, Kondoleon	252	(1)
The Great Galeoto, Echegaray	253	(1)
Imposters, Warner	254	(1)
Jails, Hospitals and Hip-Hop, Hoch	255	(2)
Kimberly Akimbo, Lindsay-Abaire	257	(1)
Lady of the Lyons, Bulwer-Lytton	258	(1)
The Lady's Last Stake, Cibber	259	(1)
The Liars, Jones	260	(2)
Lovers, Friel	262	(1)
The Magic Realists, Terry	263	(1)
The Menaechme, Plautus	264	(1)
Money, Bulwer-Lytton	265	(1)
Moonshine, Nolan	266	(2)
Much Ado About Nothing, Shakespeare	268	(1)
The Picture of Dorian Gray, Wilde	269	(2)
Population Growth, Stratford	271	(1)
Scotch and Donuts, Longenbaugh	272	(1)
Sleepin' at Doug's, White	273	(2)
Some People, Hoch	275	(2)
The Tempest, Shakespeare	277	(1)
Temptation, Hughes	278	(1)
The Traitor, Shirley	279	(1)
Two Gentlemen of Verona, (2), Shakespeare	280	(4)
Female/Male MONOLOGUES
Acme Temporary Services, Eisenstein	284	(2)
America (It's Gotta Be the Cheese), Kadosh	286	(2)
A Midsummer's Night Dream, Shakespeare	288	(1)
My Parents, McCabe	289	(1)
Schoolhouse Rock, Martin	290	(2)
The Tempest, Shakespeare	292	(1)
Till We Meet Again, Crowther	293	(2)
Indices
Monologues by Age and Gender	295	(4)
Classic and Contemporary Monologues by Gender	299	(3)
Monologues by Voice	302	(1)
Permission Acknowledgments	303