Why Is It Always about You? : Saving Yourself from the Narcissists in Your Life

by Sandy Hotchkiss; James F. Masterson

• ISBN13: 9780743214278
• ISBN10: 0743214277
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2002-05-06
• Publisher: Free Press

Summary

In the normal course of relationships, we all depend on others to affirm our sense of who we are. There are some people, however, who are incapable of this fundamental form of give-and-take. Spend enough time around these narcissists and anyone can start to feel invisible. In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows how to cope with such controlling, egotistical people and offers healthy strategies for rebuilding self-esteem. Why Is It Always About You? explores the dynamics of the narcissistic personality -- how such individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free. There is a touch of narcissism that lives in all of us, and some of it is even normal. Before you can disentangle yourself from the "web" of someone else's unhealthy narcissism, you will have to examine your own foibles and vulnerabilities and come to terms with that most uncomfortable of feelings, shame. Beginning with an explanation of what has become one of the foremost personality types of our time, Sandy Hotchkiss describes what she calls the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, and Bad Boundaries -- and where they come from. You will learn to recognize the hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism in its many guises and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in its creation. Whether the narcissist in question is a co-worker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice and strategies for survival for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread from one generation to the next and for all those who encounter narcissists in their everyday life.

Author Biography

Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW teaches in the Master's Program at the University of Southern California School of Social Work and has a private practice in psychotherapy. A fellow of the California Society for Clinical Social Work, she lives in the Los Angeles area.

Table of Contents

Foreword	vii
Acknowledgments	ix
Introduction: They're Everywhere	xiii
Part I: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
Shamelessness	3	(4)
Magical Thinking	7	(4)
Arrogance	11	(4)
Envy	15	(4)
Entitlement	19	(4)
Exploitation	23	(4)
Bad Boundaries	27	(8)
Part II: Where Does Narcissism Come From?
Childhood Narcissism and the Birth of ``Me''	35	(12)
The Narcissistic Parent	47	(14)
Part III: Defending Your Self: Survival Strategies for a Narcissistic World
Strategy One: Know Yourself	61	(8)
Strategy Two: Embrace Reality	69	(6)
Strategy Three: Set Boundaries	75	(6)
Strategy Four: Cultivate Reciprocal Relationships	81	(8)
Part IV: ``Special People'': The Naricissists in Your Life
Adolescent Narcissism: What's Normal, What Isn't	89	(18)
Narcissists in Love: The Fusion Delusion	107	(20)
Narcissists at Work: The Abuse of Power	127	(18)
Narcissism and Aging: The Mirror Cracks	145	(16)
Part V: Only You Can Prevent Narcissism
The Narcissistic Society	161	(10)
Becoming Better Parents	171	(14)
Notes	185	(8)
Suggested Readings	193	(2)
Index	195