Working with the Enemy : How to Survive and Thrive with Really Difficult People

by Leibling, Mike

• ISBN13: 9780749454678
• ISBN10: 0749454679
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-10-28
• Publisher: Kogan Page Ltd

Summary

Working with the Enemy shows us how to survive and thrive in really difficult situtaions, and enables us to deal with them and to nip future instances in the bud long before they becomeSituations.

Author Biography

Mike Leibling is a strategist who coaches, mentors and writes. In 1995 he founded strategy StrategytTM and aims to help people and organizations to move on in difficult situtations (or preferably to avoid them in the first place). Prior to this he was at saatchi saatchi, ultimately as International Strategic Planning Director.

Table of Contents

Preface	p. xii
Acknowledgements	p. xiii
Introduction	p. 1
First things first: The Ten Essential Survival Strategies for Keeping Cool in the Heat of Battle	p. 3
Twenty Questions	p. 4
Essential Survival Srategy 1: Communicate Extra Calmly and Clearly	p. 7
A Great Fact is 'I Don't Know'	p. 7
Ask How, Not Why	p. 8
Be Open and Honest	p. 8
Be Specific, Don't Generalize	p. 9
Don't be Negative	p. 10
Don't Say 'Don't' and Stop Saying 'Stop'	p. 11
Have your Say Calmly and Effectively	p. 11
Make it Clear Who and What you are Trying to Benefit	p. 13
Only Challenge Gently	p. 13
Put Everything in Writing	p. 14
Say What you Have to Say, and No More	p. 14
So you Think that Nothing will Help?	p. 14
Speak Their Language	p. 16
Take Yourself Seriously	p. 17
Essential Survival Strategy 2: Keep Things Real 19 and in Perspective	p. 19
Congratulate yourself that you've Put Up with it 20 Until Now	p. 20
Don't Assume that Everyone should Get on Well 20 Together	p. 20
It May Nor be your Fault	p. 21
It's Good to Feel Bad, in a Controlled Way	p. 23
It's Natural to Feel Scared	p. 24
Essential Survival Strategy 3: Don't Feel Pressured into Acting too Soon	p. 25
Go for a Gap	p. 25
Pause. Take Time	p. 25
Prepare for Tomorrow and Next Week	p. 27
Essential Survival Strategy 4: Stop Feeling there 29 are No Choices	p. 29
How to Say 'No' Nicely	p. 29
Make Sure there are at Least Three Options	p. 30
No-one has to Look Like a Loser	p. 31
The Power of Stating the Obvious	p. 31
Essential Survival Strategy 5: Don't Let the 'Enemy' Dwell on your Mind	p. 33
Avoid Uncomfortable Language	p. 33
Brush them Aside, Put them Behind you	p. 34
Stop Imagining the Worst, by Generating Choices	p. 35
Stop Thinking of Them as an 'Enemy' and They'll Stop Feeling Like One	p. 36
Essential Survival Strategy 6: Don't Let the 'Enemy' Pull your Strings	p. 39
Bullying	p. 39
Are they Getting at you Intentionally?	p. 40
Check if Others are being Affected	p. 41
Get the Organization to Sort out its own Problems	p. 42
Systematic Bullying	p. 42
Find out your Organization's Policy	p. 43
Stop Feeling Dumped on in the Name of 'Delegation'	p. 43
Get them to Delegate, Not Dump	p. 44
Essentia] Survival Strategy 7: Don't Automatically Believe Other People	p. 47
Beware Good Advice	p. 48
Getting and Using Advice	p. 49
Question Everything	p. 51
Beware Little Red Riding Hood (ie Beware 'Good Advice' Masquerading as 'Truth')	p. 52
Beware So-Called Wisdom	p. 54
Essential Survival Strategy 8: Don't Let the Past Block your Future	p. 59
Address Issues Before they Grow Big and Scary	p. 59
It'll be AH Right	p. 61
Keep Past Events in the Past	p. 61
Essential Survival Strategy 9: Don't Take it Personally-Take it 'Bebaviourally' Instead	p. 63
Keep Focused on the Task Professionally Not Emotionally	p. 64
Take Things Behaviour ally Instead of Personally: The Neurological Levels	p. 65
Essential Survival Strategies for each Neurological Level	p. 68
Essential Survival Strategy 10: Look After Yourself	p. 73
Avoid 'To Do' Lists	p. 73
Call Them Whatever Feels Better to You (Inside)	p. 74
Change your Posture to Change how you Feel	p. 74
Don't Blame Yourself	p. 75
Don't Let Them Get to You	p. 75
Find a Way to Live with it	p. 76
Focus on Just Doing a Good Job	p. 77
Forget about How, for Now	p. 77
Get Lots of Support and Supporters	p. 77
Get a Coach and/or Mentor	p. 78
Have a Deadline	p. 79
If it's Not Working, Try Something Different	p. 79
It's Only Human to be Human	p. 79
Play for Time, Play the Game	p. 80
Stay Open-Minded	p. 80
Stop Taking yourself Literally	p. 81
Take Responsibility vs Blaming Others	p. 82
Take the Controls Instead of Looking like a Victim	p. 82
Thoughts vs Feelings-the Great Self-Destructive Battleground	p. 83
Treat Yourself	p. 85
Trust Your Instincts	p. 85
Turn Goliath into David	p. 86
The Fifteen Toughest Types of 'Enemy' with Survive and Thrive Strategies	p. 87
People Who Bully	p. 89
People Who Put their own Needs First	p. 93
People Who are Hard to Connect With	p. 95
People Who are Out of their Depth	p. 97
People Who Meddle	p. 101
People Who are Fickle	p. 103
People Who are Unlike Me	p. 107
People Who are Like Me	p. 109
People Who are Close to Me	p. 111
Me Myself	p. 113
Everybody Else	p. 115
People Who Regard Me as a Type, Not a Person	p. 117
People Who'Change'Me	p. 119
People Who Bring out the Rescuer in Me	p. 121
People Who Bring out the Rebel in Me, the Worst in Me	p. 123
Getting New Information for New Ways of Moving Forward	p. 125
	p. 125
Top Tips For Information Gathering	p. 127
Information Questionnaire	p. 131
The Situation	p. 131
The Enemy	p. 131
Know your Enemy	p. 132
Whose 'Enemy' is it Anyhow?	p. 135
Who is this 'Enemy' Similar to?	p. 135
And Where are you Coming From?	p. 135
Getting New Perspectives by Being in other People's Shoes	p. 136
Knowing the Current Climate We're all Working in	p. 139
What are my Hidden Beliefs that are Holding Me Back?	p. 140
It's Fine to be Stupid	p. 141
My Best Beliefs Are	p. 141
Roles	p. 142
And Finally	p. 143
Get Planning to Transform your 'Enemy' Situation Calmly	p. 145
Introduction	p. 145
Getting your Goal Plan Ready	p. 147
Daydream Out to your Right	p. 148
Your Goal Plan	p. 149
Getting Familiar with the Outcome from your Goal Plan	p. 151
Be Aware of Others' Outcomes too	p. 152
Invite Other People's Ideas	p. 152
Get a Supporter or Two	p. 154
Make Sure you're Getting What you Want	p. 154
Making your Goal Plan Happen and Getting What you Want	p. 155
Keep Playing with your Goal	p. 156
Sleep on it	p. 157
Take a bit More Time to Think, for a Change	p. 157
Consider Something Different this Time	p. 157
Ask the Opposite	p. 158
If in Doubt, Say or Do Nothing	p. 158
If the Situation was Oral, Put It in Writing	p. 159
If the Situation was Public, Do It in Private	p. 159
If the Situation was Private, Do It in Public	p. 160
If the Situation is very Emotional, 'Go Formal'	p. 161
The Politics of Envy-Make them Jealous	p. 162
Give them the Benefit of the Doubt	p. 162
Getting your Actions in Order	p. 162
Thinking the Unthinkable	p. 165
We Don't Need to be Perfect	p. 165
Whistleblowing	p. 165
Think Carefully about Involving HR	p. 166
Getting out may Truly be your Best Option	p. 167
And Now Review Again the Part 1 and Part 2 Strategies and Tips	p. 170
Index	p. 171
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