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9780749454678

Working with the Enemy : How to Survive and Thrive with Really Difficult People

by
  • ISBN13:

    9780749454678

  • ISBN10:

    0749454679

  • Format: Paperback
  • Copyright: 2009-10-28
  • Publisher: Kogan Page Ltd
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Summary

Working with the Enemy shows us how to survive and thrive in really difficult situtaions, and enables us to deal with them and to nip future instances in the bud long before they becomeSituations.

Author Biography

Mike Leibling is a strategist who coaches, mentors and writes. In 1995 he founded strategy StrategytTM and aims to help people and organizations to move on in difficult situtations (or preferably to avoid them in the first place). Prior to this he was at saatchi saatchi, ultimately as International Strategic Planning Director.

Table of Contents

Prefacep. xii
Acknowledgementsp. xiii
Introductionp. 1
First things first: The Ten Essential Survival Strategies for Keeping Cool in the Heat of Battlep. 3
Twenty Questionsp. 4
Essential Survival Srategy 1: Communicate Extra Calmly and Clearlyp. 7
A Great Fact is 'I Don't Know'p. 7
Ask How, Not Whyp. 8
Be Open and Honestp. 8
Be Specific, Don't Generalizep. 9
Don't be Negativep. 10
Don't Say 'Don't' and Stop Saying 'Stop'p. 11
Have your Say Calmly and Effectivelyp. 11
Make it Clear Who and What you are Trying to Benefitp. 13
Only Challenge Gentlyp. 13
Put Everything in Writingp. 14
Say What you Have to Say, and No Morep. 14
So you Think that Nothing will Help?p. 14
Speak Their Languagep. 16
Take Yourself Seriouslyp. 17
Essential Survival Strategy 2: Keep Things Real 19 and in Perspectivep. 19
Congratulate yourself that you've Put Up with it 20 Until Nowp. 20
Don't Assume that Everyone should Get on Well 20 Togetherp. 20
It May Nor be your Faultp. 21
It's Good to Feel Bad, in a Controlled Wayp. 23
It's Natural to Feel Scaredp. 24
Essential Survival Strategy 3: Don't Feel Pressured into Acting too Soonp. 25
Go for a Gapp. 25
Pause. Take Timep. 25
Prepare for Tomorrow and Next Weekp. 27
Essential Survival Strategy 4: Stop Feeling there 29 are No Choicesp. 29
How to Say 'No' Nicelyp. 29
Make Sure there are at Least Three Optionsp. 30
No-one has to Look Like a Loserp. 31
The Power of Stating the Obviousp. 31
Essential Survival Strategy 5: Don't Let the 'Enemy' Dwell on your Mindp. 33
Avoid Uncomfortable Languagep. 33
Brush them Aside, Put them Behind youp. 34
Stop Imagining the Worst, by Generating Choicesp. 35
Stop Thinking of Them as an 'Enemy' and They'll Stop Feeling Like Onep. 36
Essential Survival Strategy 6: Don't Let the 'Enemy' Pull your Stringsp. 39
Bullyingp. 39
Are they Getting at you Intentionally?p. 40
Check if Others are being Affectedp. 41
Get the Organization to Sort out its own Problemsp. 42
Systematic Bullyingp. 42
Find out your Organization's Policyp. 43
Stop Feeling Dumped on in the Name of 'Delegation'p. 43
Get them to Delegate, Not Dumpp. 44
Essentia] Survival Strategy 7: Don't Automatically Believe Other Peoplep. 47
Beware Good Advicep. 48
Getting and Using Advicep. 49
Question Everythingp. 51
Beware Little Red Riding Hood (ie Beware 'Good Advice' Masquerading as 'Truth')p. 52
Beware So-Called Wisdomp. 54
Essential Survival Strategy 8: Don't Let the Past Block your Futurep. 59
Address Issues Before they Grow Big and Scaryp. 59
It'll be AH Rightp. 61
Keep Past Events in the Pastp. 61
Essential Survival Strategy 9: Don't Take it Personally-Take it 'Bebaviourally' Insteadp. 63
Keep Focused on the Task Professionally Not Emotionallyp. 64
Take Things Behaviour ally Instead of Personally: The Neurological Levelsp. 65
Essential Survival Strategies for each Neurological Levelp. 68
Essential Survival Strategy 10: Look After Yourselfp. 73
Avoid 'To Do' Listsp. 73
Call Them Whatever Feels Better to You (Inside)p. 74
Change your Posture to Change how you Feelp. 74
Don't Blame Yourselfp. 75
Don't Let Them Get to Youp. 75
Find a Way to Live with itp. 76
Focus on Just Doing a Good Jobp. 77
Forget about How, for Nowp. 77
Get Lots of Support and Supportersp. 77
Get a Coach and/or Mentorp. 78
Have a Deadlinep. 79
If it's Not Working, Try Something Differentp. 79
It's Only Human to be Humanp. 79
Play for Time, Play the Gamep. 80
Stay Open-Mindedp. 80
Stop Taking yourself Literallyp. 81
Take Responsibility vs Blaming Othersp. 82
Take the Controls Instead of Looking like a Victimp. 82
Thoughts vs Feelings-the Great Self-Destructive Battlegroundp. 83
Treat Yourselfp. 85
Trust Your Instinctsp. 85
Turn Goliath into Davidp. 86
The Fifteen Toughest Types of 'Enemy' with Survive and Thrive Strategiesp. 87
People Who Bullyp. 89
People Who Put their own Needs Firstp. 93
People Who are Hard to Connect Withp. 95
People Who are Out of their Depthp. 97
People Who Meddlep. 101
People Who are Ficklep. 103
People Who are Unlike Mep. 107
People Who are Like Mep. 109
People Who are Close to Mep. 111
Me Myselfp. 113
Everybody Elsep. 115
People Who Regard Me as a Type, Not a Personp. 117
People Who'Change'Mep. 119
People Who Bring out the Rescuer in Mep. 121
People Who Bring out the Rebel in Me, the Worst in Mep. 123
Getting New Information for New Ways of Moving Forwardp. 125
p. 125
Top Tips For Information Gatheringp. 127
Information Questionnairep. 131
The Situationp. 131
The Enemyp. 131
Know your Enemyp. 132
Whose 'Enemy' is it Anyhow?p. 135
Who is this 'Enemy' Similar to?p. 135
And Where are you Coming From?p. 135
Getting New Perspectives by Being in other People's Shoesp. 136
Knowing the Current Climate We're all Working inp. 139
What are my Hidden Beliefs that are Holding Me Back?p. 140
It's Fine to be Stupidp. 141
My Best Beliefs Arep. 141
Rolesp. 142
And Finallyp. 143
Get Planning to Transform your 'Enemy' Situation Calmlyp. 145
Introductionp. 145
Getting your Goal Plan Readyp. 147
Daydream Out to your Rightp. 148
Your Goal Planp. 149
Getting Familiar with the Outcome from your Goal Planp. 151
Be Aware of Others' Outcomes toop. 152
Invite Other People's Ideasp. 152
Get a Supporter or Twop. 154
Make Sure you're Getting What you Wantp. 154
Making your Goal Plan Happen and Getting What you Wantp. 155
Keep Playing with your Goalp. 156
Sleep on itp. 157
Take a bit More Time to Think, for a Changep. 157
Consider Something Different this Timep. 157
Ask the Oppositep. 158
If in Doubt, Say or Do Nothingp. 158
If the Situation was Oral, Put It in Writingp. 159
If the Situation was Public, Do It in Privatep. 159
If the Situation was Private, Do It in Publicp. 160
If the Situation is very Emotional, 'Go Formal'p. 161
The Politics of Envy-Make them Jealousp. 162
Give them the Benefit of the Doubtp. 162
Getting your Actions in Orderp. 162
Thinking the Unthinkablep. 165
We Don't Need to be Perfectp. 165
Whistleblowingp. 165
Think Carefully about Involving HRp. 166
Getting out may Truly be your Best Optionp. 167
And Now Review Again the Part 1 and Part 2 Strategies and Tipsp. 170
Indexp. 171
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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