51 Creative Ideas for Marriage Mentors : Connecting Couples to Build Better Marriages

by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

• ISBN13: 9780310270478
• ISBN10: 0310270472
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2006-04-07
• Publisher: Zondervan

Summary

51 Creative Ideas for Marriage Mentorsoffers an "idea box" of activities and innovative ways to deepen relationships between mentoring couples. It can be used in any of the three areas of the marriage mentoring triad: - Preparing-mentoring engaged and newlywed couples - Maximizing-mentoring couples from good to great - Restoring-mentoring couples in distress Creative ideas for marriage mentors are grouped into these three areas. There is also an entire section of ideas appropriate for mentoring any couple. With activities that vary from quickly implemented suggestions to more involved interactions, this easy-to-use reference will help alleviate the stress of couples overwhelmed by mentoring ... and take experienced mentors to a whole new level. Designed to work on its own or in tandem with the Parrotts' other marriage mentoring resources, 51 Creative Ideas for Marriage Mentors will inspire fresh ideas, increase a sense of vision for the marriage mentoring process, and build the confidence of all marriage mentors, regardless of age or stage.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. 11
Introduction: Getting Big Results from This Little Book	p. 13
Ideas for Mentoring Any Couple
Practice the Thirty-Second Rule	p. 21
Curb Marriage Gossip	p. 22
Place a Photo of Your Mentoree Couple in Your Home	p. 24
Keep Contact Information Handy	p. 25
Send a Word of Encouragement	p. 26
Ask the One Question That Could Change Their Marriage	p. 27
Pass Along a Helpful Article or Email	p. 29
Teach the Single Most Powerful Marriage Principle	p. 30
Let Them Know about a Local Marriage Seminar	p. 32
Be Aware of "What's On"	p. 34
Open the Church Doors	p. 35
Practice Old-Fashioned Hospitality	p. 36
Be One of the First to Send a Christmas Greeting	p. 37
Double Your Serve	p. 38
Remember Their Anniversary	p. 40
Your Additional Ideas for Mentoring Any Couple	p. 41
Ideas for Mentoring Engaged and Newlywed Couples
Identify Their Top Ten Needs	p. 45
Help Them Sink Their Roots Down Deep	p. 47
Cautiously Connect with Your Mentorees' Parents	p. 49
Do Some Coupon Cutting	p. 51
Consider a Babysitting Opportunity	p. 52
Give the In-Law Inventory	p. 53
Make a Splash with a Low-Cost Gift	p. 55
Chart Their Spiritual Journey	p. 56
Make Their First Noel One to Remember	p. 58
Explore Their Roles	p. 59
Note the Little Things	p. 60
Envision Their Golden Anniversary	p. 62
Your Additional Ideas for Mentoring Engaged and Newlywed Couples	p. 63
Ideas for Mentoring Couples Moving From Good to Great
Dream Big	p. 67
Find Inspiration Around You	p. 69
Turn the Tables	p. 71
More Time or More Money?	p. 73
The Most Influential Person	p. 75
Homeward Bound	p. 76
"I Love You More Than ..."	p. 77
Decisions, Decisions!	p. 78
Monkey See, Monkey Do	p. 79
Start a Date Club	p. 80
Pay Now, Play Later	p. 82
The Big Question	p. 84
Your Additional Ideas for Mentoring Couples Moving from Good to Great	p. 85
Ideas for Mentoring Couples in Distress
Take Inventory	p. 89
Steer Clear of the Number-One Marriage Problem	p. 91
Turn Murphy's Law on Its Ear	p. 93
What Would You Miss?	p. 95
Reveal the Two Most Overlooked "Romantic" Phrases	p. 97
Give Them a Reputation to Uphold	p. 98
The Couple-Communication Strengths Finder	p. 99
Explore the Lesson of an Old Farm Couple	p. 101
Avoid the Blame Game	p. 103
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda	p. 105
What's Your Favorite?	p. 107
What Have You Been Looking For?	p. 109
Your Additional Ideas for Mentoring Couples in Distress	p. 112
Conclusion: Where Do We Go from Here?	p. 115
Notes	p. 117
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

51 Creative Ideas for Marriage Mentors
Copyright © 2006 by The Foundation for Healthy Relationships
Requests for information should be addressed to:
Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Parrott, Les.
51 creative ideas for marriage mentors : connecting couples to build better
marriages / Les and Leslie Parrott.
p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978-0-310-27047-8
ISBN-10: 0-310-27047-2
1. Church work with married people. 2. Mentoring in church work.
3. Marriage — Religious aspects — Christianity. I. Parrott, Leslie L., 1964- II. Title.
BV4012.27.P35 2006
259'.14 — dc22
2005031946
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible:
Today’s New International Version®. TNIV®. Copyright © 2001, 2005 by International
Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to
you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the
part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopy,
recording, or any other — except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior
permission of the publisher.
Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors, Suite 1000,
Literary Agent, Orange, CA.
Interior design by Beth Shagene
Printed in the United States of America
06 07 08 09 10 11 12 • 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Part One
Ideas for
Mentoring
Any Couple
In this section you’ll find several practical suggestions for mentoring any
couple,
no matter their age or stage. Feel free to make these ideas your own
by changing them in ways that may work best with your mentorees.
Chapter 1
Practice the
Thirty-Second Rule
This little idea is a winner that works for every marriage mentoring
relationship. And it’s simple. Within the first thirty seconds of a meeting
with your mentorees, say something encouraging to them. Give
them an uplifting compliment.
This can be more challenging than you might think. Most of the
time, upon meeting someone, we human beings focus on ourselves,
searching for ways to make ourselves look good. Out of habit, we ask
the generic “How are you doing?” Or, “Tell me about your day.” That’s
fine, especially when it is genuinely focused on the mentoree couple,
but if you truly want to see the spirits of your mentoree couple
soar, try
this thirty-second rule. Deposit good words in them before you even
get started. Once you begin to practice this regularly, you’ll see it really
doesn’t take all that much effort.
Everyone feels better when you give them attention and affirmation.
So be sure to focus your attention, genuinely, on your mentorees
right upfront. If you’re distracted by something else at the beginning,
that sets the tone for your time together.
Next, go out of your way to affirm them. Say something like, “You
two always look so sharp,” “I love the enthusiasm that exudes from
you two,” or “You guys have really been working hard, haven’t you?”
If nothing else, you can always affirm your mentorees for being mentored:
“I’m so proud to be mentoring you two.”
In thirty seconds’ time, you just might say some of the most uplifting
words they’ve heard all day.
Chapter 2
Curb Marriage
Gossip
Early on in any marriage mentoring relationship it is imperative to
discuss confidentiality. Your mentorees will be put at ease if you assure
them of your confidence. After all, they will only share information
to the level that they know you are not going to be blabbing it to
others — even strangers.
So take some time to explore this matter with them. Tell them
flat out that the information that they share with you stays with you.
Assure them that you would never betray their trust and that you will
protect the information they share.
And while you’re on the subject, you also might talk about “marital
gossip.” This is the all-too-common scenario that evolves when
one spouse begins to talk to a friend or relative about their marital
issues. Is this always inappropriate? Of course not. But it can soon
become harmful if it makes the other spouse feel uncomfortable or
embarrassed.
For example, if he doesn’t want others to know he locked himself
out of the car which in turn became the source of a marital spat, she
should keep that information to herself. If she doesn’t want others to
know that she regularly loses her temper with the kids, he should keep
that information to himself. But by expressing general frustration to a
trusted, supportive friend in order to gain objectivity about a situation,
they are not unduly embarrassing their partner nor are they complaining
about specific behavior.
You get the idea. It basically comes down to helping them see the
difference between seeking support from somebody outside the relationship
versus venting feelings by complaining. And venting is almost
always unhealthy for a marriage and damaging to a couple’s
sense of
loyalty to each other. In fact, you can let mentorees know that if either
of them wants to vent, you — as their marriage mentors — are a safe
place for doing just that, as long as both spouses are present. (If you do
this one-on-one, it creates an unhealthy triangle in your relationship
with your mentoree couple.)
Here’s a final thought that may help curb marital gossip. Have your
mentorees consider the remarkable energy that would be restored to
their marriage if they “gossiped” about good things instead of bad. If,
for example, a wife confided in a friend how sweet her husband was to
clean up the kitchen. Or if a husband told his friend how generous his
wife was in giving to the needy. This is another way of saying that if
you want to curb marital gossip, you can’t go wrong by becoming your
partner’s publicist. In short, urge them to gab about the good with
other people
and never betray one another’s confidence.

---

Excerpted from 51 Creative Ideas for Marriage Mentors: Connecting Couples to Build Better Marriages by Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.