The 7 Worst Things Good Parents Do

by Friel, John C.

• ISBN13: 9781558746688
• ISBN10: 1558746684
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 1999-02-01
• Publisher: HCI BOOKS

Summary

Psychologists John and Linda Friel have written an enormously readable and infinitely practical book that digs into some of the worst mistakes that parents make, with suggestions on how parents can change immediately. The Friels examine the seven most ineffective and self-defeating behaviors that parents display again and again. Working from the ideas that even small changes can have big results, the authors give parents concrete steps they can take to end the behaviors and improve the quality of their parenting. Whether readers are contemplating starting a family, have children who haven't entered school yet, are struggling with rebellious teenagers, or are empty-nesters wondering how they can be better parents to their grown children, they can't afford not to read this book. With the same clarity and concrete examples that have sold over 350,000 copies of their books, the Friels offer readers forty years of combined experience as practicing psychologists, and fifty years of combined experience as blended-family parents. This material has been field-tested in the authors' own household, with hundreds of their clients, and with thousands of their workshop and Clearlife Clinic participants. It will cause immediate changes in parents' behavior, and immediate improvement in the lives of their children.

Excerpts

Chapter 1 The Seven Worst Things Parents DoôWhat could turn intelligent, independent-minded adults into virtual wimps?ö Barbara Walters asked this question at the beginning of a recent ABC News 20/20 segment about small children tyrannically controlling their parents. During this valuable piece of television journalism, viewers were subjected to videotaped scenes of a mother climbing in and out of bed with her little child. For several hours, the child manipulated the mother, bargained, sabotaged and pretty much ran the show, and Mom just kept playing the game. We watched another child who had a whole cup filled with toothbrushes in an obviously failed attempt to get the child to brush his teeth by giving him ôchoices.ö We watched a child whine about wanting a can of soda with breakfast. Her mother said ôno,ö but her father almost immediately turned around and gave the soda to his daughter ôto keep peace.ö It's hard enough to watch these painful examples of well-intentioned parents trying methods that seem logical on the surface--but don't work. It is even harder to watch children who, if allowed to continue running the show, will be psychiatric basket-cases by the time they reach adulthood. A FAMILY IN TROUBLEEric and Pamela first approached us during a break at a seminar we were presenting. They wanted to know how to handle what they described as a normal problem their son was having. They seemed appropriately tentative about how much detail to offer, saying that he was a little resistant to brushing his teeth twice a day. We responded with an answer that matched the detail we were given; they seemed satisfied with the answer, and we moved on to the next person in line. Eight weeks later, we noticed a new appointment in our book for an Eric and Pamela Jamison. When we greeted them at their first appointment, we recognized them as the couple who had asked the question several weeks before. Bobby, their five-year old son, indeed resisted brushing his teeth on a regular basis, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. He also threw tantrums whenever he didn't get his way. Subsequent systematic measurement indicated that he was having as many as four major tantrums per day. He typically refused to eat what Pamela prepared for dinner, demanding something different, and then refusing to eat that after Pamela had gone out of her way to prepare it just for him. Bedtime was a nightmare that was causing an increasingly dangerous rift between Eric and Pamela, and mornings before work were so stressful that Eric was seriously thinking of moving out for fear that he might do something harmful to Bobby. And there was more. Much more. But as we listened to their family structure unfold, what struck us most was the family's lack of definition. We were witnessing a family that had been unraveling for months and was now on the verge of despair. We told Eric and Pamela the following: ôWe admire you. It takes a lot of courage and wisdom to admit

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Excerpted from The 7 Worst Things Good Parents Do by John C. Friel, Linda D. Friel, John Friel
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