The Arizona Liar's Almanac

by Jim Cook, illustrations by Jim Willoughby

• ISBN13: 9780762730063
• ISBN10: 0762730064
• Format: Trade Paper
• Copyright: 2004-03-01
• Publisher: Globe Pequot

Summary

Forget the Farmers and say Adios to the Astrologers--The Arizona Liar's Almanacis here! Filled with information on the local climate, flora, fauna, geography, modern living, and more, this endlessly entertaining book is guaranteed to make readers wonder, laugh out loud, and wish it was all true. And maybe it is! Why shouldn't quicksand make faster-working sandpaper? And why wouldn't the state's biggest export be sunshine? In between dispensing wisdom on home remedies and the weather, author Jim Cook--Arizona's Official State Liar--tells readers the truth behind the lost mines that riddle the Grand Canyon State, the sought-after recipe for Beenie Weenie Pie, and the renowned Society of Woolgatherers.

Author Biography

Jim Cook, Official State Liar of Arizona, is also director of the Wickenburg Institute of Factual Diversity, located beside the storied Hassayampa River (www.wickenburg-az.com/journal.html). The Institute works to shed the shackles of fact and expand the truth about Arizona. In other words, Cook is a practitioner of that elegant tradition, the Western tall tale. He is a former writer and editor at the Arizona Republic and has forgotten more about Arizona history than any ten newcomers will ever know. His history column was a fixture at the Republic until his retirement in 1994. He is a native Arizonan.

Jim Willoughby is widely considered the best cowboy cartoonist in the West. His work has appeared in such magazines as Saturday Evening Post, Look Magazine, True, Better Homes and Gardens, and Playboy. He also spent 20 years in the television animation business, drawing storyboards and designing characters for Walt Disney Studios, Hanna-Barbera, Filmation Studios, and others. Jim has authored nine books about cowboys, cacti, and cooking and draws a regular cartoon for Arizona Highways called “Willoughby’s West.”

Table of Contents

To Our Patrons
A Bald-Faced Preface	p. 1
Life on the Middle Fork of the Hassayampa River	p. 2
Astrology
An Arizona Zodiac	p. 6
Fauna
Sea Gophers and Bashful Bass	p. 9
The Gilagator Is Not a Croc	p. 12
Look Out for Milo Longneck	p. 16
Flora
When to Plant Tarnations	p. 21
Folklore
What to Do When You See a Mirage	p. 24
Arizona's Worst-Kept Secrets	p. 28
Urban Legends Thrive in Cowburg	p. 30
The Long Arm of the Law	p. 34
Maggie, the Desert Mermaid	p. 38
Food
Food to Think About	p. 42
Making Do	p. 43
Big Macaroni	p. 44
Chili and Beans	p. 45
Menudo	p. 45
The Nutritional Value of Fresh Milk	p. 48
Beanee Weenee Pie	p. 51
How Green Was My Chili	p. 55
Geography
Arizona's Place in Space	p. 62
A Lot of Latitude	p. 64
Imports and Exports	p. 66
Hard Times in Hardwater	p. 68
Quicksand Miners Need Lots of Grit	p. 71
History
A Superficial History of Arizona	p. 75
How the Banjo Won the West	p. 81
Holidays
A Sampler of New Year's Resolutions	p. 86
The Hero of Goat Gap	p. 88
Home Remedies
Help for What Ails You	p. 92
Pitiful Dreamer	p. 94
Household Hints
Hardware and Software	p. 97
Discography	p. 99
Breaking Out	p. 99
Mining
Lost Mines Are Not in Vein	p. 101
The Ghost of Gig O'Hertz	p. 106
Timmy and the Devil	p. 111
Mickey's Magic Rope	p. 115
Modern Living
How to Talk to a Robot	p. 119
Turn Your Trash into Cash	p. 122
Time Warps and Middle Age	p. 126
The Digital Stampede of 2004	p. 129
The Horseless Carriage	p. 132
How to See through Women	p. 135
Nightmare in a Dream Home	p. 137
Gossip in the High-Tech Age	p. 141
Politics
Grave Political Issues	p. 147
Yessir, Yessir, Three Brains Full	p. 150
Weather
The Case of the Stolen Steeple	p. 154
A Blizzard of Sunshine	p. 159
The High Country	p. 161
Ice Fishing	p. 161
The Winds of Winslow	p. 162
About the Author and Illustrator	p. 169
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

QUICKSAND MINERS NEED LOTS OF GRIT
Did you know that sandpaper made with Arizona quicksand allows you to refinish furniture twice as fast? It's a fact, certified by the Abrasive Council of North America. I mean, this stuff is rapid. Arizona produces a dry quicksand, made possible by our renowned "dry heat." Mining Arizona quicksand is hazardous, but lucrative. The end product is prized by sandblasters, who can clean the facade of a 40-story granite building in two hours flat. It also is favored by manufacturers of the 30-minute hourglass, popular with lawyers, fast-food chefs, and practical jokers.

IMPORTS AND EXPORTS
Basically, we import people and automobiles. Exports are quite a different story. Arizona ships out copper and cotton and manufactured goods, of course. But one of our major exports is daylight, often shipped out under the cover of darkness. Arizona does not go on daylight saving time; we have more daylight than we can use. All our sundials run fast. So we export daylight.

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Excerpted from The Arizona Liar's Almanac by Jim Cook
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.