Belly Laughs The Naked Truth About Pregnancy And Childbirth

by McCarthy, Jenny

• ISBN13: 9780738209494
• ISBN10: 073820949X
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2004-04-14
• Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books

Summary

Revealing the naked truth about the tremendous joys, the excruciating pains, and the inevitable disfigurement that go along with pregnancy, Jenny McCarthy tells you what you can really expect when you're expecting! From morning sickness and hormonal rage, to hemorrhoids, granny panties, pregnant sex, and the torture and sweet relief that is delivery, Belly Laughs is must-read comic relief for anyone who is pregnant, has ever been pregnant, is trying to get pregnant, or, indeed, has ever been born! Book jacket.

Author Biography

Jenny McCarthy is the former host of the enormously popular MTV dating show Singled Out. She has starred in many films, including Dirty Love, the Sundance 2005 film that she also wrote. She is the mother of four year-old Evan and lives in Los Angeles.

Table of Contents

So You Got Knocked Up? (Getting Pregnant)	p. 1
Honey, Your Sperm Really Do Work! (Pregnancy Tests)	p. 5
Barf-O-Rama (Morning Sickness)	p. 9
Niagara in My Pants (Vaginal Discharge)	p. 13
Psycho Chick (Hormonal Rage)	p. 15
Holy Shit, I Think I Hard-Boiled My Baby! (Taking Hot Baths)	p. 19
Granny Panties (Letting Go of the G-String)	p. 23
I Can Either Pee on You or You Can Get the Hell Out of My Way! (Frequent Pee Breaks)	p. 27
Passing Stonehenge (Constipation)	p. 31
Is It a Penis or a Vagina? (Finding Out the Sex)	p. 37
Can I Have a Mustard Sandwich with Pickles, Anchovies, Peanut Butter, and a Little Cottage Cheese?...Oh, and Throw a Few Fish Sticks on There! (Cravings)	p. 43
Where in the Hell Can I Find a Muumuu? (Nothing to Wear)	p. 47
Freddy Krueger Ain't Got Nothing on Me! (Dreams)	p. 53
Is That an Apple on Your Rectum, or Are You Just Happy to See Me? (Hemorrhoids)	p. 57
Hi, Porn Star! (Engorged Breasts)	p. 59
Ready and Squeeze...Your Kegels (An Exercise for the Vagina)	p. 65
Well, It's Not 1972 Anymore! (Baby Boomers Explaining How It Was in Their Day)	p. 69
Did a Sewer Tank Explode, or Did You Just Fart? (Gas)	p. 73
Hands Off, Dude! (Strangers Touching Your Belly)	p. 75
I Can't See! I'm Bleeding! I Can't Stand It! (Weird and Painful Bits and Pieces)	p. 77
www.ihavetostopbuyingbabyshit.com (On-Line Baby Stores)	p. 81
Is It Hot in Here or Is It Just Me?...It's Just Me (Hot Flashes and Fainting Spells)	p. 83
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!...I'll Take Another One of Those, Please! (Orgasms in Pregnancy)	p. 87
The Crying Game (Hormonal Blues)	p. 91
So, Anyway, Like I Was Saying...Wait, What Was I Saying? (Wandering Mind)	p. 95
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Prettiest Pregnant Lady of Them All? Clearly Not You, Lady! (Face Acne and Rashes)	p. 97
It's a Bird! It's a Plane!...No, It's a Really Swollen Pregnant Lady! (Water Retention)	p. 101
The McRib Sandwich (Back Pain)	p. 105
Headaches (Headaches...Duh)	p. 109
That Ain't My Ass! (Cellulite Gain)	p. 111
No, Not Yet! I'm Not Ready for This Yet! (Premature Labor)	p. 115
Poopin' on the Table (The Dark Side of Delivery)	p. 119
The Blue Twinkies (Your Swollen Vagina)	p. 123
Die, Model Bitch, Die! (Hating Skinny People)	p. 125
OOOOH! I Think I Felt the Baby Move...or Maybe It's Just Gas (Baby Kicks)	p. 129
Organizing Freak (Your Nesting Instinct)	p. 133
Breathing for Dummies (Lamaze)	p. 135
What the Fu*k Are These? (Stretch Marks)	p. 139
I Just Need to Lie Down for, Like, Five Minutes...Okay, Maybe Three Months (Sleepiness)	p. 143
Pig in the Pasture (Sex in the Ninth Month)	p. 147
The Moment of Truth (Labor and Delivery)	p. 149
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