Christian Family Guide to Getting Married

by Lee, Janet; Stanford, David R.

• ISBN13: 9781592571741
• ISBN10: 1592571743
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-02-03
• Publisher: DK Publishing, Inc.

Summary

Help for Christian couples preparing for marriage. This unique guide encourages couples to focus on what's important when planning to get married; gives solid biblical counsel and communication tips for before and after the big day; and provides practical ideas for having a perfect wedding without blowing your budget or your relationship. Sidebars provide encouragement and inspiration from the Bible Discusses the why, where, and how of premarital counseling Tips on meaningful ceremonies, beautiful receptions, and sensational honeymoons Little competition for this guide Only book of its kind for couples to share

Author Biography

Janet Lee is an editor and the co-author of Christian Family Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth and Christian Family Guide to Family Activities.

David R. Sanford is the senior consultant for International Family Ministries with New Hope International and a Seminar Director with Life Innovations, Inc., training pastors and professional counselors in the Program PREPARE/ENRICH Premarital/Marital Program. He and his wife Karene have been married for 47 years. He's also an ordained minister with an M.A. from Wheaton College.

Table of Contents

Part 1: Before You Say "I Do"	1	(112)
1 The Choice of a Lifetime	3	(12)
Choosing the Right Mate	3	(5)
Am I Ready to Get Married?	4	(1)
Are We the Right People to Get Married?	5	(2)
Is This the Right Time to Get Married?	7	(1)
Building a Healthy Relationship	8	(3)
Signs of a Healthy Relationship	8	(1)
Signs of an Unsafe Person	9	(1)
Relationship Red Flags	9	(2)
Is It Love?	11	(4)
What Is Love?	11	(1)
Test Your Love	12	(1)
Should You Marry Your Best Friend?	13	(1)
Do Not Compromise	14	(1)
2 Congratulations! You're Engaged!	15	(16)
A Moment to Remember: Planning the Perfect Proposal	16	(4)
Traditional	16	(1)
Creative	17	(1)
Romantic	18	(1)
Some Proposal Do's and Don'ts	18	(2)
And the Answer Is	20	(1)
The Engagement Ring	20	(6)
New or Heirloom	21	(1)
Check the Bottom Line	21	(1)
What a Girl Wants	22	(1)
Purchasing the Ring	22	(1)
Gemstones	23	(1)
The Four C's of Diamonds	24	(1)
The Setting	25	(1)
Engagement Gift for Future Groom	26	(1)
Sharing the News	26	(5)
The Engagement Party	27	(1)
Setting the Date	28	(1)
Engagement Gifts	29	(1)
Formal Announcements	29	(1)
After the Party's Over	30	(1)
3 What Is Marriage?	31	(18)
Your Vision of Marriage	31	(2)
Myths About Marriage	31	(1)
Marriage Is	32	(1)
God's Vision for Marriage	33	(6)
It All Started with Adam and Eve	33	(1)
Leaving	34	(1)
Cleaving	35	(1)
When Two Become One	35	(2)
Marriage Is a Covenant, Not Just a Contract	37	(1)
God Hates Divorce	38	(1)
The Roles We Play	38	(1)
Balancing Your Roles	39	(1)
Roles in Marriage	39	(7)
What Do You Expect?	41	(2)
Be Realistic!	43	(1)
Submission Is a Good Thing	44	(2)
Why Can't We Just Live Together?	46	(3)
Excuses Couples Use for Living Together	46	(1)
The Problems of Cohabiting	47	(2)
4 "But I Already Know Everything About Him/Her!"	49	(18)
Why You Need to Knead	49	(2)
Face the Facts	50	(1)
Back to the Three C's	51	(1)
What You Should Cover in Premarital Counseling	51	(4)
Factor in the Factors	51	(3)
Get Personal	54	(1)
Get in Touch with Your Roots	55	(1)
Stop Playing Games	55	(3)
The Blame Game (Genesis 3:8-13)	55	(2)
The Control Game (Genesis 12:10-20)	57	(1)
Show Me the Money	58	(4)
What You Can Expect	62	(3)
Tools in the Toolbox	63	(1)
Finding Premarital Counseling	64	(1)
Married Before?	65	(2)
5 "I'll Never Understand Him/Her!"	67	(16)
He Said, She Said	67	(3)
Viva La Difference!	68	(1)
The Difference Our Differences Make	69	(1)
What Is Good Communication?	70	(5)
What's Your Couple C.Q.?	71	(1)
What You Say and How You Say It	72	(1)
Effective (Not Selective) Listening	73	(1)
Body Talk	74	(1)
Resolving Conflicts	75	(6)
Your Personal Style	76	(2)
Choose to Forgive	78	(1)
What About Anger?	79	(2)
Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say	81	(1)
Communication Covenant	81	(2)
6 There's More to Intimacy Than Sex	83	(14)
What Is Intimacy7	83	(1)
Meeting Each Other's Needs	84	(1)
Spiritual Intimacy	85	(1)
Relational Intimacy	86	(1)
Physical Intimacy	87	(4)
Let's Talk About Sex	87	(1)
Birth Control	88	(3)
False Intimacy	91	(1)
Passion and Purity	91	(6)
Keep God at the Center of Your Relationship	92	(1)
Set Ground Rules and Stick to Them	92	(1)
Don't Put Each Other to the Test	93	(1)
Take the Purity Pledge	94	(1)
It's Not Too Late	95	(2)
7 Family Matters	97	(16)
We Are Family	97	(7)
Understanding Your Family	98	(2)
Can We Talk?	100	(1)
Unpacking Your Baggage	100	(2)
Family Treasures	102	(1)
Paternal Relationships	102	(2)
Healthy Relations with In-Laws	104	(1)
Becoming An In-Law Exercise	105	(1)
Blending Families	106	(4)
Marry Me, Marry My Kids	106	(1)
Beating the Odds	107	(1)
Mixed-Faith Marriages	108	(1)
Multicultural Marriages	109	(1)
Your Families vs. Your Wedding	110	(5)
Set Boundaries	110	(1)
Be Specific	110	(1)
Be Tactful	111	(1)
Know When to Let Go	111	(1)
Handling Conflicts	111	(2)
Part 2: Planning the Perfect Wedding	113	(86)
8 Organizing Your Dream Wedding	115	(16)
Elements of Your Wedding	115	(3)
When	116	(1)
Where	116	(1)
How	117	(1)
Who	117	(1)
Who Pays for What?	118	(3)
Traditional Family Expenses: Bride	119	(1)
Traditional Family Expenses: Groom	120	(1)
Make a Budget and Stick to It	121	(1)
Selecting Your Attendants	122	(5)
The Maid or Matron of Honor	122	(1)
Bridesmaids	123	(1)
Best Man	124	(1)
Ushers or Groomsmen	125	(1)
Children in the Wedding Party	126	(1)
Schedule	127	(4)
Bride's Final Checklist	129	(1)
Groom's Final Checklist	130	(1)
9 Finding the Perfect Spot	131	(16)
A Significant Site	132	(3)
What Do You Need to Do First?	132	(1)
Who Will Officiate?	132	(1)
Is the Date Set?	133	(1)
Who's in Charge7	134	(1)
Is What You See What You Get?	134	(1)
The Party's Here	135	(2)
What You Need to Know	136	(1)
Be Sure to Visit the Site	136	(1)
Home Sweet Home	137	(3)
Things to Consider First	138	(1)
Let's Get Organized	138	(1)
Mind the Details	139	(1)
Perfectly Pretty Posies	140	(3)
Delightful Lighting	143	(1)
What's the Deal with Destination Weddings?	144	(3)
What's the Attraction?	144	(1)
How Does It Work?	145	(2)
10 Perfect Wedding Etiquette	147	(16)
What's Your Wedding Style	147	(2)
Invitations and Announcements	149	(1)
Say It with Style	150	(10)
Formal/Semiformal Invitations	151	(2)
Semiformal/Informal Invitations	153	(2)
May I Take Your Order?	155	(1)
The Envelopes, Please!	155	(2)
Instructions for Proper Assembly Included	157	(1)
Actually, It's an Announcement!	158	(1)
How to Get with the Program	158	(1)
What About a Wedding Website?	159	(1)
Rehearsal Dinner	160	(3)
The Host with the Most	160	(1)
Y'all Come	161	(1)
Celebrate!	161	(2)
11 Perfectly Stunning in Bows and Bowties	163	(16)
Picking the Perfect Wedding Dress	164	(6)
A Vision of Loveliness	164	(1)
Learn the Lingo	165	(2)
Shop 'Til You Drop!	167	(1)
A Fit Fitting	167	(2)
Icing on the Bride	169	(1)
Decisions for Dressing Your Wedding Attendants	170	(3)
Color Me Happy!	171	(1)
Bridesmaids, Be a Blessing!	171	(1)
Brides, Be Kind!	171	(1)
Where to Shop	172	(1)
Don't Forget to Accessorize!	173	(1)
Grooming the Groom	173	(2)
To Rent or Not to Rent	174	(1)
Renters Assurance	174	(1)
Making Up for Matrimony	175	(1)
Take Good Care of Yourself	175	(1)
Beauty from Head to Toe	175	(1)
Dressing It Up	176	(3)
12 Planning Your Perfect Ceremony	179	(20)
Order of Ceremony	180	(7)
Announcements	184	(1)
Question to Parent(s)	184	(1)
Charge to Couple, or the Sermon	184	(1)
An Act of Worship	185	(1)
Ring Ceremony	185	(1)
Unity Candle	186	(1)
The Declaration, Kiss, and Introduction	187	(1)
Writing Your Wedding Vows	187	(4)
Marriage Is	188	(1)
What Loving You Means to Me	188	(1)
Promises You Make (and Keep!)	189	(1)
Sharing Your Vows	190	(1)
Music and Other Ceremony Elements	191	(10)
Let's Proceed with the Processional	192	(1)
Let's Go to the Recessional	193	(1)
Meaningful Melodies	194	(1)
Readings	194	(3)
Prayers and Blessings	197	(2)
Part 3: The Big Day	199	(50)
13 From This Day Forward	201	(20)
You're Getting Married in the Morning	201	(3)
The Bachelor Bash	202	(1)
Giving Good Gifts	202	(1)
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream!	203	(1)
Bride's Guide for Survival	204	(5)
Start Your Day Out Right	204	(1)
Let Others Be Responsible	205	(3)
Wedding Day Emergencies	208	(1)
A Picture Perfect Day	209	(6)
Choosing a Photographer	209	(1)
It's All About Timing	210	(1)
Know What Shots You Want	211	(1)
Checklist for Photographer	212	(1)
Advice from a Professional	213	(2)
A Star Is Born	215	(3)
Why Videotape Your Wedding?	215	(1)
Who to Hire?	215	(2)
How Much Will It Cost?	217	(1)
A Place for Everyone	218	(3)
Ceremony Seating	218	(1)
How to Go In and Come Out	219	(1)
Your Carriage Awaits	219	(2)
14 Let the Celebration Begin!	221	(14)
Location, Location, Location	222	(2)
Finding the Right Fit	222	(1)
Ways to Save on the Reception	223	(1)
Grade "A" Catering	224	(2)
Guaranteed Good Taste	224	(1)
Ways to Save on Food	225	(1)
Let Them Eat Cake	226	(3)
Finding the Right Cake Maker	226	(1)
Designing Your Cake	227	(1)
Is the Price Right?	227	(1)
Ways to Save on the Wedding Cake	228	(1)
The Groom's Cake	228	(1)
Cutting the Cake	229	(1)
Planning An Affair to Remember	229	(6)
Meet and Greet Your Guests	229	(1)
Time-Honored Traditions	230	(1)
Speeches, Toasts, and Blessings	231	(1)
Shall We Dance?	232	(1)
Ways to Save on Entertainment	233	(1)
The Great Escape	234	(1)
15 The Honeymooners	235	(14)
Planning Your Getaway	235	(1)
Planning Your Honeymoon Getaway	236	(7)
Choosing Your Location	238	(1)
It's in the Bag	239	(1)
Managing Expectations	240	(1)
The Honeymoon Registry	241	(1)
While You're Away	242	(1)
Ways to Save	242	(1)
Creating Honeymoon Intimacy	243	(8)
The Wedding Night	243	(1)
Setting the Mood	243	(2)
The Gift of Sex	245	(1)
Pain or Pleasure	246	(1)
Is There a Problem?	246	(1)
A Lifetime for Loving	247	(2)
Part 4: Presenting Mr. And Mrs.______!	249	(62)
16 When the Honeymoon's Over	251	(14)
Paradise Lost?	252	(3)
Post-Wedding Blues	252	(1)
Blues Busters	253	(1)
Honey, Your Humanity Is Showing	253	(1)
Where Is the Love?	254	(1)
After the Honeymoon, Everything Changes	255	(6)
Home, Sweet, What?	256	(1)
"Who Am I?"	257	(1)
"I Think We're Alone Now."	258	(1)
"I Haven't Had a Good Night's Sleep Since Before the Wedding!"	259	(1)
"Why Didn't Someone Tell Me?"	259	(2)
This Is Not What I Expected	261	(2)
Expectation Check-Up	261	(1)
Dealing with Changing Expectations	262	(1)
The Best Is Yet To Come	263	(2)
17 Setting Goals: Yours, Mine, and Ours	265	(14)
Setting Goals for Your Marriage	265	(4)
Let's Talk About It	267	(1)
Dream a Little!	267	(1)
Directions for Goal Setting	267	(2)
Setting Goals for Spiritual Growth	269	(1)
Nurturing Your Relationship	270	(1)
Planning Your Family	271	(2)
Keeping Fit and Healthy	273	(2)
Establishing Financial Guidelines	275	(1)
Ready, Set, Goals	276	(3)
Write Your Goals Down	276	(1)
Common Obstacles to Achieving Your Goals	277	(1)
Review and Reflect	278	(1)
18 Whatever Happened to Happily Ever After?	279	(14)
Happy Couples Are Couples Who	280	(5)
Husband/Wife Hassles	280	(1)
Living with In-Laws	281	(2)
Feuding over Finances	283	(1)
Sexual Tensions	284	(1)
Fighting Fair	285	(4)
Rules of Engagement	286	(1)
Guidelines for Negotiating	287	(1)
Learn to Listen	288	(1)
Overcoming Barriers to Fighting Fair	289	(1)
Strategies for Reconciliation	289	(4)
Affirming Loyalty to the Marriage	290	(1)
Say the Magic Words	290	(1)
Practice Forgiveness	290	(1)
Reestablish Trust	291	(1)
How to Kiss and Make Up	291	(2)
19 Remember the Romance	293	(18)
The Art of Romance	294	(6)
Romance is R.E.S.P.E.C.T	294	(1)
Romance Is a Choice	295	(1)
Romance Is Personal	296	(2)
Romance Can Get Physical	298	(2)
Why Woo When You've Already Won	300	(3)
Enemies of Love	300	(1)
Dating Your Mate	301	(1)
Extraordinary Romance for Ordinary Days	302	(1)
Your First Anniversary	303	(1)
Make Your Anniversary Sacred	304	(1)
Make Your Anniversary Romantic	305	(2)
Make Your Anniversary an Adventure	307	(1)
Make Your Anniversary Memorable	307
Begin a New Tradition	308	(1)
Do Something Unique	308	(1)
Start an Anniversary Diary	309
Appendixes
A Wedding Resources	311	(6)
B Wedding Budget Worksheet	317	(6)
Index	323