Closing the Deal: Two Married Guys Reveal the Dirty Truth to Getting Your Man to Commit

by Kirshenbaum, Richard

• ISBN13: 9780060590109
• ISBN10: 0060590106
• Edition: Reprint
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-11-12
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publications

Summary

In this hip and utterly indispensable guide, two happily married husbands and regular guys reveal the secrets to getting a man down on bended knee -- his most uncomfortable position.Over the years, Richard Kirshenbaum and Daniel Rosenberg have dispensed loads of successful relationship advice to friends, colleagues, and relatives, who then pushed the ex-bachelors to share their lessons with the masses of future brides who need help taking their existing relationships to the next level. These guys have been there and know what it takes to get even the biggest commitment phobes to take the plunge.Closing the Deal will help you make a realistic assessment of your relationship and offers a fresh perspective on how your man's mind works. You'll find a new way to drive your relationship toward marriage without resorting to game playing.The authors promote the importance of truth telling, self-positioning, and the artful use of marketing tactics to reel in your man. You don't have to be the prettiest, thinnest, or richest woman to close the deal -- there is an art to it!Closing the Deal is not about outsmarting your man to the altar -- it's about learning to understand him. Richard and Daniel explain that no matter how much a guy may love his significant other, Change is the Enemy, so wannabe brides everywhere must convince their boyfriends that marriage is man's best friend. Closing the Deal will show you how to do just that.To help future brides build their matrimonial muscles and monitor their progress, Richard and Daniel include quizzes and real-life scenarios and throw in a glossary for extra clarification.Honest and supportive, funny and straightforward, these ideal big brothers offer a sure cure for the wedding-bell blues.

Table of Contents

Introduction	ix
Is He Not The One?	1	(20)
The ``Gloom or Groom in June'' Quiz
Overdating and Underdating
The ``I Still Think He's The One'' Quiz
The ``One Good Excuse'' Rule
Marketing Marriage 101	21	(22)
Your Target Audience
Marriage Maneuvering
Marriage Motivators
Marketing Marriage
An Asset Guide
The Princess and the Pee	43	(14)
Intimate Impressions
The Groom in the Bath and Bedroom Quiz
The Definitive No-Nos for Dummies List
What's She Got That I Haven't Got? How About a Man?	57	(14)
The How to Identify a Playa HataMini Quiz
The Ten Manments
Your Emotional Makeup: How Much to Apply?	71	(22)
Your Monthly Visit from Aunt Flo
Dating Dealbreakers
Our Attitude Aptitude Quiz
The Scheherazade Factor	93	(20)
The Modern Day Scheherazade
Selling Scheherazade
The Yapper Syndromes
Speech Spin
Men and Sex: The More We Write About It, the Harder It Is	113	(20)
Chemistry
GASP! Generally Accepted Sexual Principles
The Art of the Bluff: If You Love Someone, Set Him Free	133	(20)
Why Bluffs Work
Is He Primed?
The Bluff Checklist
Cutting Bait	153	(14)
Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Somewhere or Nowhere
How and Where
Talk It Up
Closing Your Big Fat Multiculti Wedding	167	(26)
The Melting Pot
Compromise: A Golden Rule
Religion
Carla
Alice
Karin
Successful Women: Successful Deal Closers	193	(22)
The Shrink
The Cartoonist
The Writer
The Ziegfeld Girl
The Miss America
The Rules of Engagement	215	(12)
The Mind of the Engaged Man
Engagement Explosions
Endnote	227	(2)
Glossary	229	(4)
Acknowledgments	233

Excerpts

Closing the Deal
Two Married Guys Reveal the Dirty Truth to Getting Your Man to Commit

Chapter One

Is He Not The One?

Is he the one? this is the seminal question that always makes the act of dating both frustrating and fascinating. While this guessing game will always keep things interesting and mysterious, it may be more reasonable to tackle the other question first, the one that is far easier to answer: "Is he not The One?" While some of you would argue that you "know right away" whether someone isn't for you, sometimes it's not all that clear.

For those of you who want to get married, there actually is something worse than singledom: spending your life with someone who doesn't make you happy. Before we get started with your journey of self-discovery, let us emphasize that marriage isn't about entrapment. It's about taking something great and making it better. And as in fairy tales, the important part is as much about finding the right prince as it is about living happily ever after. Just because you think you have a prince now, doesn't mean he's your Prince Charming.

We 're going to help you figure out where you stand with your man and help you make an informed decision by presenting the tools that will help you correctly analyze the level of person whom you are with. Level doesn't refer to social standing or self-worth, it refers to your compatibility as a couple and his willingness to commit. Besides compatibility issues, we 're going to discuss reality issues, as well. Realities in relationships are sometimes difficult to see (especially when you don't want to face them), so we're going to spend a little time figuring out if you are being honest with yourself about your relationship.

Let's face it though, there are endless reasons why your relationship could falter before your saunter to the altar. We want to say up front that no matter how great the advice is in this book, and no matter how closely you follow it, there are some guys who will never pull the trigger. These men have Commitia, a type of VD (vow disavowal) that makes the most eloquent of men flub their lines at the mere mention of the M word. These are the perennial bachelors, serial daters, and commitment-phobes who exist in every socioeconomic group, and their modus operandi is fairly consistent. They certainly will never be The One. These are the relationships that need to be cut short immediately or, better yet, ended before they've begun, or else time 's a-wastin'.

Let's tackle the issue of whether your man is the marrying kind -- you need to know that from the start. Since the goal of Closing the Deal isn't to get you married for marriage 's sake but to help you make that step with your soul mate, we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't address the very difficult issue of whether you're kidding yourself about your current relationship. This is where our big brother advice really kicks in, and it won't be fun. Although we promise to be as gentle as possible, be forewarned: You could discover some great and some not-so-great news over the next few pages.

Does your boyfriend fit into the "kind of, maybe" category? Does he lack the most basic qualities that being a husband will require? Let's take the all-important "What Kind of Man Is He?" test and find out before it's too late.

The "Gloom or Groom in June?" Quiz

1. How does he view the institution of marriage?

He compares marriage to a prison sentence and thinks being divorced like his parents is something to look forward to.

He thinks marriage is for pushovers.

When he talks about the benefits of marriage he uses phrases like "tax savings" and "combined net worth."

He invites you to his grandparents' fiftieth wedding anniversary and tells you how he admires their mutual devotion.

2. What is his overall level of emotional maturity?

a.When something goes wrong he blames you.

He throws a tantrum when you don't put him at the kids' table.

He uses sock puppets to talk things through.

When something goes wrong, he takes it in stride.

3. How do you fight?

He predictably starts with a few jabs and then goes for a weak-ass uppercut.

He hits below the belt, emotionally.

His mother and lawyer handle his affairs.

It's strained, but civil.

4. How did he act when you got sick?

He told you to sleep on the couch since he doesn't want to catch what you have.

He brought you a doggie bag from the strip club buffet.

He told you to go to work anyway. Someone has to support him.

He stayed by your bedside and brought you chicken soup.

5. How does he treat the waitstaff in the restaurant?

a. He barked at the sixty-five-year-old waiter, "Get me a cup of coffee, boy."

How would you know? He never takes you to restaurants.

He makes special requests for everything he orders, including explaining how he likes his water.

He tips well and says "please" and "thank you."

If you didn't get all ds, then you may have to seriously consider throwing this fish back until it's grown up enough to eat. If he doesn't have the basics, he may not be worth any effort at all. Now that you've taken the quiz, though it's simple, you're now on your way to evaluating the type of man you're with. Let's get a little deeper into dealing with your compatibility.

Closing the Deal
Two Married Guys Reveal the Dirty Truth to Getting Your Man to Commit. Copyright © by Richard Kirshenbaum. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Excerpted from Closing the Deal: Two Married Guys Reveal the Dirty Truth to Getting Your Man to Commit by Richard Kirshenbaum, Daniel Rosenberg
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.