The Courage to Love Principles and Practices of Self-Relations Psychotherapy

by Gilligan, Stephen

• ISBN13: 9780393702477
• ISBN10: 0393702472
• Edition: 00
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 1997-05-17
• Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company

Summary

In a time when love seems to be fading and hatred and despair rising, it presents love as a skill and force that can heal and invigorate, reconnect and guide, calm and encourage. In Gilligan's self-relations approach, psychotherapy is a conversation about competing differences. When these differences are treated violently or indifferently, problems arise; solutions develop when the skills of love are practiced. Those practical skills are described here, with an emphasis on postconventional ethics, Buddhist and aikido principles, and ideas of human sponsorship.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	xi	(2)
Introduction	xiii
I. PRINCIPLES	3	(70)
1. A River Runs through It: Basic Premises of the Relational Self	3	(26)
Premise 1: An indestructible "tender soft spot" exists at the core of each person	4	(4)
Premise 2: Life moves through you, except when it doesn't	8	(3)
Premise 3: Life is great, but sometimes it hurts like hell	11	(3)
Premise 4: There are two of you: Relationship is the basic psychological unit	14	(8)
Premise 5: An intelligence greater than you exists in the world	22	(2)
Premise 6: Your path is yours alone: You are an incurable deviant	24	(2)
Summary	26	(3)
2. Attention and the Relationship between Differences: How Do You Deal with the Other?	29	(19)
Holding too tight: The fear and fury of fundamentalism	32	(5)
Holding too loose: The indifference and addiction of consumerism	37	(4)
Not too tight, not too loose: The felt connection of the relational self	41	(5)
Summary	46	(2)
3. The Relational Self: Identity, Problem Formation, and Problem Resolution	48	(25)
A question of identity: Who are you?	49	(16)
A self-relations model of how symptoms develop	65	(4)
Summary	69	(4)
II. PRACTICES	73	(54)
4. Return from Exile: Practices for Mind-Nature Coordination	73	(23)
Breathing awareness and muscle relaxation	75	(5)
Centering attention	80	(9)
Opening attention	89	(3)
Cleansing the doors of perception	92	(2)
Summary	94	(2)
5. Love as a Skill: The Practices of Sponsorship	96	(31)
A prototype exercise: Who are you?	97	(6)
Skills of sponsorship	103	(16)
A modified practice of tonglen	119	(4)
Summary	123	(4)
III. THERAPY METHODS	127	(70)
6. The Reparation of Relatedness: A Prototype for Self-Relations Work	127	(24)
Step 1: Identify the problem	128	(3)
Step 2: Identify and somatically locate the neglected self	131	(5)
Step 3: Activate and locate the cognitive self	136	(2)
Step 4: Identify and differentiate negative sponsors	138	(6)
Step 5: Connect cognitive self and neglected (somatic) self	144	(4)
Step 6: Return to original problem sequence	148	(1)
Step 7: Further work	148	(1)
Summary	149	(2)
7. The Archetypal Self: We Get by with a Little Help from Our Friends	151	(26)
Basic idea about archetypes	154	(11)
A clinical model for working with archetypes	165	(7)
The therapist's use of archetypal energies	172	(3)
Summary	175	(2)
8. Therapeutic Rituals: Passages into New Identities	177	(20)
What are rituals?	179	(3)
A therapy approach to using rituals	182	(12)
Summary	194	(3)
Epilogue	197	(4)
References	201	(6)
Index	207