Cupid's Poisoned Arrow From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

by Robinson, Marnia; Wile, Douglas

• ISBN13: 9781556438097
• ISBN10: 1556438095
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-06-23
• Publisher: North Atlantic Books

Summary

Zing! Cupid's arrow skewers a primitive part of the brain. Obediently, we fall in love amid showers of passionate fireworks, bond for a time ... and then often get fed up with each other and grow irritable or numb. Perhaps we try to remodel our mate, seek solace online, or pursue a new love interest. Ancient sages recognized this biological snare and hinted at a way to dodge it: use lovemaking to balance one anotherandharmony arises naturally. With an entertaining blend of personal experiences, the latest neuroscience, and forgotten insights from around the globe,Cupid's Poisoned Arrowconfronts current assumptions about sex and love and offers a refreshing, practical approach to sexuality.

Author Biography

Marnia Robinson is a former corporate lawyer who left her career to investigate how ancient sacred-sex prescriptions can heal widespread disharmony in intimate relationships. She and her husband, Gary Wilson, have given presentations on the subject worldwide and run a Web site called Reuniting: Healing with Sexual Relationships. She lives in Ashland, OR.

Table of Contents

Foreword	p. xiii
Preface	p. xv
"Who's in Charge?"	p. xvi
Onward	p. xviii
Biology Has Plans for Your Love Life	p. 1
The Coolidge Effect	p. 4
How Did That Work Out?	p. 7
Mating and Bonding, the Two Pedals	p. 10
Why Now?	p. 11
Why Me?	p. 13
Wisdom of the Ages: Taoism	p. 17
Elephants in the Living Room	p. 21
"Be Careful What You Ask For ... You May Get It"	p. 22
Doña Quixote Sets Out	p. 25
A Subtle Sense of Lack	p. 27
"Objects in Mirror May Be Closer than They Appear"	p. 30
"But I Feel Great after Orgasm!"	p. 34
Rowing in the Same Leaky Boat	p. 37
Telltale Signs?	p. 38
The Pitfalls of Self-Sufficiency	p. 39
Wisdom of the Ages: Christianity	p. 43
A Whale's Tail	p. 49
"But What about Happy Marriages?"	p. 51
The Bermuda Triangle of Relationships	p. 53
"You Just Have to Find the Right Person"	p. 55
More Awkward Questions	p. 56
Wakeup Call	p. 58
The Glamour Hook	p. 58
Beyond Resentment	p. 60
Mating versus Bonding	p. 62
Teaming Up	p. 63
A Tough Lesson	p. 66
Where Had We Erred?	p. 66
Wisdom of the Ages: Hinduism	p. 69
At the Heart of the Separation Virus	p. 73
Planned Obsolescence	p. 75
Meet Your Mammalian Brain	p. 76
Ruthless Eugenics-Our Mating Program	p. 79
More on the Monogamy Challenge	p. 82
Faithful but Irritable	p. 84
Questioning Commitment	p. 86
The Link between Body and Mind	p. 86
Urges Are Signals	p. 89
Your Inner Compass	p. 92
Dopamine-The Sharpest Arrow in Cupid's Quiver	p. 92
Enter Cupid	p. 93
Wisdom of the Ages: Cortezia	p. 97
The Passion Cycle	p. 101
The Anti-Love Potion	p. 102
What Goes Up Must Come Down	p. 105
Dopamine-The Lynchpin	p. 108
Addiction-Quest for More Misery	p. 111
Balance and Bonding	p. 112
Scientific Evidence of Lingering Changes after Orgasm	p. 113
Prolactin	p. 114
Testosterone and Friends	p. 119
What about Men?	p. 120
The Perception Game	p. 122
Tainting Love with Fear	p. 125
Wisdom of the Ages: Male Continence	p. 129
The Road to Excess	p. 133
Yesterday's Genes	p. 134
Memories That Pack a Punch	p. 136
"Where's My Tribe?"	p. 137
The Agony of Excess	p. 139
Sacharin and the Shakes	p. 140
Porn's Surprising Lesson	p. 143
"Too Much of a Good Thing ... Is Even Better!"	p. 145
Cross-Tolerances	p. 147
The Plastic Brain	p. 148
In a Rut	p. 150
Deceptive Cues	p. 153
Dopamine and Distorted Perception	p. 154
Jacking Up Dopamine	p. 155
Reward Circuity Overload	p. 159
Brain Training	p. 160
How Does It Feel to Be a Guinea Pig?	p. 165
Wisdom of the Ages: Karezza	p. 167
Learning To Steer	p. 171
The Surprising Gifts of Bonds	p. 175
The Loophole in Our Genes' Plan	p. 176
Bonding Cues	p. 178
Selfless Touch versus Hungry Touch	p. 179
Back Up When Necessary	p. 180
Tears in the Nursery	p. 182
Mates Can Strengthen Each Other	p. 183
The Other Way of Easing Sexual Tension	p. 184
Balance First	p. 186
Relaxation versus Performance	p. 188
Birth of the Ecstatic Exchanges	p. 191
Intercourse	p. 193
Tender Tango	p. 195
Is History Repeating Itself?	p. 197
Wisdom of the Ages: Karezza	p. 199
Science That Binds	p. 203
The Neurochemistry of Monogamy	p. 204
Warding Off the Habituation Blues	p. 206
How Does Companionship Protect Health?	p. 209
Old Brains + Modern Relationship Stress = Ill Health	p. 209
"Attention-Activated Amygdala"	p. 212
Oxytocin to the Rescue	p. 214
Is the "Big O" Oxytocin?	p. 215
Oxytocin Isn't a "Love Drug"	p. 219
Is It Love, Is It Orgasm, or Is It Intercourse?	p. 220
A "Catch-22"	p. 221
What Do We Really Need from Sex?	p. 223
Prostate Health	p. 225
Unlimited Bonding versus Unlimited Mating	p. 226
Wisdom of the Ages: Buddhism	p. 231
Bridging the Gap	p. 235
Mammalian Brain Pain and the Case for Karezza	p. 237
New Lifestyle, New Compulsions	p. 238
From Frying Pan to Fire	p. 240
Addiction and Civilization	p. 243
The Ideal Mood Medicine	p. 244
Pair-Bonding Mandate	p. 246
Karezza and Monogamy	p. 249
What to Do?	p. 251
Be Straightforward	p. 253
Know Thyself While Free of the Passion Cycle	p. 254
Know Thyself During the Passion Cycle	p. 257
"What Do I Do with This Surplus?"	p. 259
Treasure Your Partner, Encourage Your Friends, Be Slow to Judge	p. 263
Look Beneath the Froggy Costume	p. 265
The Myth of Self-Sufficiency	p. 267
Inner Work	p. 269
Evolutionary Collision	p. 269
Wisdom of the Ages: Rainbow Serpent Traditions	p. 271
The Path of Harmony	p. 273
Innocent Errors	p. 274
No Wonder Things Are Crazy	p. 275
Karezza Revisited	p. 278
Taking It Easy	p. 279
Subtle Harmony	p. 281
Maximizing Pleasure	p. 284
Fleas in a Jar	p. 285
Wisdom of the Ages: Transorgasmic Sex	p. 287
"How Do I Explain This Book to My Friends?" -A Synopsis of Key Ideas	p. 291
Mating-The "Habituation Pedal"	p. 291
Bonding-The "Harmony Pedal"	p. 293
The Ecstatic Exchanges	p. 297
Structure	p. 300
Details	p. 301
Orgasms	p. 301
Learning Is Learning, However It Occurs	p. 303
Suggestions	p. 304
Recalibrating	p. 305
From Habit to Harmony	p. 307
Where Is Your Attention?	p. 309
Shaky Compromises	p. 311
Relaxation	p. 313
To Have All, Give All	p. 315
Rule Bending	p. 317
Vision	p. 319
"Harmless" Activities	p. 321
Biology's Rules	p. 323
It Isn't Easy Being Green	p. 326
Thinking Ahead	p. 328
Saboteurs	p. 331
Intention	p. 333
Not Yet	p. 335
Clarity (Intercourse)	p. 338
Virginity	p. 341
Consistency	p. 343
Questions (Intercourse)	p. 345
Self-Observation	p. 348
Bravo!	p. 351
Notes	p. 355
Index	p. 375
About the Author	p. 391
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