Divorce Rules for Men

by Martin M. Shenkman; Michael J. Hamilton

• ISBN13: 9780471360292
• ISBN10: 0471360295
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2000-11-01
• Publisher: Wiley

Summary

Getting Divorced?Protect Yourself . . . and Your Money "This book combines basic tax law with the practicalities of protective analysis and negotiation technique. It provides an extremely valuable 'thinking man's' checklist. Women should also find the book interesting reading." -DAVID CLURMAN, PHILLIPS NIZER BENJAMIN KRIM & BALLON LLP "This is an invaluable treatise that guides men through every 'nook and cranny' of the divorce process, from the decision to split to its lifelong aftermath. I wish this book had been available twenty-five years ago when I went through my own divorce." -DAVID W. SMITH, PRESIDENT, AMERICAN SOCIETY OF CORPORATE SECRETARIES You are not alone. The statistics are startling. Close to 50% of marriages end in divorce, and everyone-from your children to your spouse-will benefit from your preparation for the rough road ahead. Divorce Rules for Men gives you hard-hitting practical advice, with numerous real-life examples, on how to save thousands of dollars on your divorce. It will give you information on finding the right attorney, filing procedures, negotiating an equitable property settlement as well as alimony or maintenance and child support, communicating with your children, and preparing for divorce court. Authors Martin Shenkman and Michael Hamilton cover every aspect of the divorce process, including: * What you need to know before filing for divorce * Getting back on your feet afterward * How to do your own divorce * How to protect your assets Don't go into a divorce proceeding unprepared. Divorce Rules for Men gives you all the information you need to get through the rough spots and come out ready to start a new life.

Author Biography

MARTIN M. SHENKMAN, CPA, MBA, JD, is an attorney in private practice in Teaneck, NJ, and New York City. His practice concentrates on divorce valuation matters, divorce tax planning, estate planning, asset protection, and tax planning. He is a regular source for numerous financial and business publications, including the Wall Street Journal, Fortune, Money, the New York Times, and others. Shenkman has written twenty-five books and more than 600 articles.

Table of Contents

Introduction: What This Book Will do for You	xvii
Before You File for Divorce: What You Need to Know	1	(20)
Be Decisive about the State of Your Marriage	3	(1)
Don't Be Confrontational	3	(1)
Don't Let the Divorce Process Become a War Zone	4	(1)
Keep Your Cool	5	(1)
Don't Do Anything Illegal	6	(1)
Get the Skeletons out of Your Closet	6	(1)
Don't Push Your Wife's Hot Buttons	7	(1)
Clean Up Your Life	7	(1)
Become a Model Citizen If You Aren't Already	8	(1)
Limit Future Involvement with Your Wife	9	(1)
Don't Assume Your Prenuptial Agreement Is Carved in Stone	9	(1)
Keep a Low Profile	10	(1)
Negotiate from the Positive: Concentrate on What You Agree on First	11	(1)
Don't Threaten Your Ex-Wife	12	(1)
Keep in Mind That Men and Women Approach Divorce Differently	12	(1)
Know Your Stuff: What Does Your Wife Really Want?	13	(1)
Know What Your Household Expenses Really Add Up To	14	(1)
Be Familiar with Your Children's Lives	14	(1)
Know Your Wife's Spending Habits and Budgets for Childcare Expenses	15	(2)
Know Your Wife's Financial Dealings	17	(1)
Know What Your Wife's Assets Are	18	(1)
Understand the Legal Process of Divorce	19	(2)
Finding the Right Lawyer	21	(22)
Consider Not Hiring a Lawyer, to Save Money	23	(1)
Pick the Right Lawyer for Your Case	24	(2)
Interview Your Attorney Thoroughly before You Hire	26	(1)
Get Your Information Together to Reduce Your Legal Fees	27	(3)
Make Sure You Control the Divorce Process	30	(2)
Make Sure Meetings with Your Ex and the Lawyers Are Productive	32	(1)
Make Sure Your Wife Has Proper Legal and Financial Representation	33	(1)
Consider Arbitration as an Option	34	(1)
Consider Mediation as an Option	34	(2)
Find a Qualified Mediator	36	(1)
Don't Use the Court System for Revenge	37	(1)
When Your Divorce Is Finalized, Get Your File	37	(1)
Update Your Estate Planning Documents to Keep Your Wife from Getting All Your Assets	38	(1)
Make Sure Your Wife No Longer Has Authority to Tell the Doctors to ``Pull the Plug'' on Your Medical Care	39	(1)
Make Sure Your Wife Will Not Inherit Everything You Have	39	(3)
Consider Disclaiming Your Inheritance	42	(1)
What You Need to Know before You Leave Home	43	(14)
Don't Leave the House until Your Lawyer Says You Should	45	(1)
Plan Ahead before You Move	46	(1)
Line Up Experts to Help You in Your Divorce	47	(1)
Be Certain You Have a Nest Egg in Your Name	47	(1)
Cut up Credit Cards with Your Wife's Name	48	(2)
Take a Picture of Every Asset You Own	50	(2)
Safeguard Important Data on a Backup Computer Disk	52	(1)
Minimize or Eliminate Your Wife's Involvement with Your Business	52	(2)
Try to Stay on Good Terms with Your In-Laws	54	(1)
Get a Post Office Box	54	(3)
Communicating with Your Children	57	(24)
Prepare for the Pain of Missing Your Children	59	(1)
Try to Keep Anger out of the Divorce Process, for the Sake of Your Children	59	(1)
Try Not to Damage Your Children	60	(1)
Explain Everything to Your Children	61	(2)
Adapt Your Explanations to Each Child's Age and Maturity	63	(2)
Maintain Ongoing Communications and Contact with Your Children	65	(1)
Prevent Your Ex from Turning the Children Against You	66	(1)
Play Smart to Get More Time with Your Children	67	(1)
Establish an Appropriate Visitation Arrangement	68	(1)
Consider Different Types of Custody	69	(3)
Understand How Your Custody Arrangement May Influence Your Child Support Payments	72	(1)
Express Your Emotions	73	(1)
Handle Visits with Your Children Properly	73	(1)
Remain Civil to Your Ex-Wife	73	(1)
Keep a Log of Visitation	74	(1)
Develop a Better Relationship with Your Children	74	(1)
Never Use Your Children to Get What You Want	75	(1)
Give Your Children Time to Discover the Real You	76	(1)
Keep Your Children in Touch with Relatives	76	(1)
Give Your Children Permission to Love Mom's New Partner	77	(1)
Be a Reliable Dad about Seeing Your Children	77	(2)
Don't Sue for Sole Custody to Get a Better Financial Package	79	(2)
Alimony, Maintenance, and Child Support	81	(30)
Don't Expect Sympathy from the Court System-It Can Be Cruel out There	83	(1)
Get Real If You Want a Deal	84	(1)
Know How Much and What Type of Alimony You Should Pay	85	(3)
Keep Records of All Your Alimony and Child Support Payments	88	(5)
Demonstrate What Your Wife Can Earn	93	(1)
Help Your Wife Get Back on Her Feet	93	(2)
Be as Methodical as Possible with Bank Deposits and Other Transactions	95	(1)
Keep in Mind That Your Standard of Living Establishes Maintenance Levels	96	(1)
Document All Cash Transactions	97	(1)
Don't Try to Starve or Freeze Your Wife Out	98	(1)
Analyze and Then Negotiate Responsibility for Your Children's Education Costs	99	(1)
Allocate Trust Funds for Your Children's Education and Other Expenses	100	(5)
Find Out If You Can Get Alimony	105	(1)
Keep in Mind That Separate Assets Can Create Support Obligations	106	(2)
Limit Child Support When It Becomes Excessive	108	(1)
Don't Think That Moving Overseas Will Enable You to Avoid Paying	108	(3)
Negotiating the Property Settlement and Debt Allocation	111	(34)
Prepare Yourself Emotionally for the Potential Settlement	113	(1)
Pick a Negotiation Strategy	114	(2)
Determine Whether Your Divorce Is No Fault or Whose Fault	116	(1)
Use a Loan to Equalize Assets That Are Difficult to Divide	117	(1)
Don't Nickel and Dime Just Because Your Ex Does	118	(1)
Don't Let Your Insurance Coverage Lapse during the Divorce Process	119	(1)
Understand Equitable Distribution	120	(2)
Be a Good Sleuth to Win the Divorce Lottery	122	(2)
Assume Your Wife's Accountant Will Find the Bank Transactions You Forgot About	124	(1)
Look for Bank and Other Transactions Your Wife ``Forgot'' About	125	(1)
Protect Separate Assets from Your Ex	126	(2)
Recognize That Your Retirement Accounts Are Complex and Important	128	(2)
Protect Your Pension Retirement Assets	130	(4)
Know the Laws If You Live in a Community Property State	134	(1)
Keep in Mind That Debts May Present Community Property Issues	135	(1)
Settle Your Case If It Is Highly Technical and Complex	136	(1)
Don't Underestimate the Judge	136	(1)
Keep Alert for Steps Your Ex Might Take Affecting Assets	137	(1)
Protect Your Stock Options and Other Contingent Assets	138	(1)
Remember That Settlements Are Not Only about Cash	139	(1)
Get All the Details Clear and in Writing	140	(1)
Find Out about Your Ex-Wife's Debts and Liabilities	140	(3)
Don't Sign a Bad Deal Intending to Break It Later	143	(1)
Beware of Refinancing the House	143	(2)
Dealing with a Business or Professional Practice	145	(24)
Use a Voting Trust to Protect Your Business while Settling Your Divorce	147	(3)
Gather the Information Necessary to Value Your Ex-Wife's Business or Professional Practice	150	(6)
Get Your Own Business Appraised	156	(4)
Use Clever Approaches to Quickly and Inexpensively Value a Business	160	(2)
Review All Appraisals and Valuations of Significant Assets	162	(1)
Report All Business Deposits Properly	163	(1)
Don't ``Cook the Books'' of Your Closely Held Business	164	(2)
Beware of Business Activities That Can Adversely Affect Your Access to Assets	166	(1)
Don't Pay Your Lawyer from Your Business	167	(2)
Tax Tips and Traps to Avoid	169	(18)
Don't Forget the Tax Man	171	(2)
Tell Uncle Sam about the Split	173	(1)
Split Your Portfolio to Save Taxes	173	(1)
Know the Special Tax Laws That May Affect the Sale of Your Former Marital Residence	174	(1)
Understand How Payments to Your Ex Will Be Taxed	175	(1)
If You Want Payments to Your Ex to Be Deductible, Follow the Rules	176	(2)
Tax Considerations of Property Settlements	178	(1)
Split Your IRA to Avoid Tax Problems	179	(1)
Get All Necessary Records from Your Spouse as Part of the Divorce Settlement	179	(1)
Claim Your Children as Dependents for Tax Savings	180	(2)
Don't Automatically File a Joint Income Tax Return	182	(1)
Consider Filing Separate Tax Returns Even before You Divorce	182	(2)
Come Clean on Tax Problems before They Bite You in the Back	184	(1)
Change Your W-4 to Reduce Your Tax Withholding and Help Out Cash Flow	184	(3)
Preparing for Divorce Court	187	(12)
File First: The Early Bird Gets the Worm	189	(1)
Review All Facts and Your Testimony to Prepare for the Trial	190	(1)
Know How to Behave on the Stand	191	(4)
Know What Not to Do as a Witness	195	(1)
Don't Alienate or Antagonize Your Wife's Attorney	196	(1)
If You Don't Know or Don't Remember Something, Just Say So	196	(1)
Keep in Mind That Your Behavior off the Stand Is Also Important	197	(1)
Remember Your Children's Birthdays in Court	197	(1)
Before You Challenge Your Wife, Have Your Ducks (and Facts) in a Row	198	(1)
Getting Back on Your Feet after Divorce	199	(12)
Get on with Your Personal Life	201	(1)
Learn to Deal with Depression and Other Emotions Effectively	201	(2)
Be Realistic about Your New Financial Picture	203	(1)
Take a Postdivorce Financial Planning Checkup	203	(2)
Consider Leasing Assets as an Option to Purchasing Them	205	(1)
Review Your Insurance Protection	206	(3)
Make Sure You Control Access to Your Safe Deposit Box	209	(2)
Handling Legal, Financial, and Other Problems That Don't End with the Divorce	211	(10)
Know Your Rights If Your Ex Violates Your Divorce Agreement	213	(1)
Protect Your Finances If You Remarry to Minimize Your Ex-Wife's Re-petitioning the Court	213	(1)
Find Out If Your Ex Is Cohabiting	214	(1)
Don't Give the Court Any Information That Is Not Specifically Required	214	(1)
Try to Prevent Your Ex from Moving with the Kids out of State	215	(1)
Protect Yourself If You Need to File for Bankruptcy	216	(1)
Understand How Your Bankruptcy Could Help You	217	(1)
Understand How Your Ex-wife's Bankruptcy Can Hurt You	218	(1)
Join a Support Group	219	(2)
Conclusion	221	(2)
Recommended Readings and Additional Sources of Information	223	(2)
Index	225