Divorce Without Court : A Guide to Mediation and Collaborative Divorce

by Stoner, Katherine E.

• ISBN13: 9781413304947
• ISBN10: 141330494X
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2006-05-30
• Publisher: NOLO

Summary

Avoid legal battles and save money by getting divorce without court.

Author Biography

Katherine E. Stoner is an attorney/mediator in private practice with the firm of Stoner, Welsh & Schmidt in Pacific Grove, California. In addition to mediation, her practice includes consulting attorney services for clients who are in mediation. Ms. Stoner is a Certified Family Law Specialist, who teaches community property at Monterey College of Law and is on the training staff of the Center for Mediation and Law in Mill Valley, California. She has lectured extensively on family law and mediation.

Table of Contents

Introduction
Why Mediate or Collaborate? Consider the Alternative	2	(3)
Divorce Decision Continuum	5	(1)
Why Mediation or Collaboration Can Be Your Best Option	6	(1)
Getting the Most out of This Book	7	(1)
Definitions	8	(2)
Icons	10	(3)
The Role of Mediation and Collaborative Law in the Divorce Process
The Four Divorces	13	(8)
Keeping It Simple: The Uncontested Divorce	21	(1)
Beyond the Basics: The Contested Divorce	22	(9)
Long-Term Effects of a Contested Legal Divorce	31	(1)
Mediation and Collaboration: A Different Way to Divorce	31	(3)
What Happens in Mediation
An Overview of Mediation	34	(2)
Introductory Stage	36	(4)
Information-Gathering Stage	40	(5)
Framing Stage	45	(3)
Negotiating Stage	48	(4)
Concluding Stage	52	(2)
Assessing the Cost of Robert and Fran's Mediation	54	(4)
What Happens in a Collaborative Divorce
An Overview of Collaborative Divorce	58	(4)
Introductory Stage	62	(5)
Information-Gathering Stage	67	(2)
Framing Stage	69	(3)
Negotiating Stage	72	(2)
Concluding Stage	74	(2)
Assessing the Cost of Cole and Traci's Collaborative Divorce	76	(2)
Traci and Cole's Divorce Agreement	78	(7)
Deciding to Mediate or Collaborate
Is Mediation or Collaboration Right for You?	85	(11)
It Takes Two to Tango	96	(1)
Comparing Mediation and Collaborative Divorce	96	(2)
Mediation vs. Collaboration: Factors to Consider in Choosing the Right Approach	98	(5)
Making Your Choice	103	(3)
Proposing Mediation or Collaboration
When to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce	106	(5)
Who Should Propose Mediation or Collaboration?	111	(2)
How to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce	113	(3)
Dos and Don'ts of Proposing Mediation or Collaboration	116	(4)
Sample Letter Proposing Mediation	120	(2)
Sample Letter Proposing Collaborative Divorce	122	(4)
Finding a Mediator
Shortcut to Finding the Right Mediator	126	(1)
Qualified Mediators: What to Look For	127	(4)
Finding the Right Fit	131	(7)
Who Provides Mediation Services	138	(3)
Making a List of Potential Mediators	141	(1)
Checking It Twice: Screening and Interviewing Potential Mediators	142	(2)
Interviewing and Selecting a Mediator	144	(6)
Finding a Collaborative Attorney
Shortcut to Finding the Right Collaborative Attorney	150	(1)
Qualified Attorneys: What to Look For	151	(2)
Finding the Right Fit	153	(5)
Making a List of Potential Lawyers	158	(1)
Checking It Twice: Screening and Interviewing Potential Lawyers	159	(1)
Interviewing and Selecting a Collaborative Lawyer	160	(5)
Using Advisers and Doing Legal Research
How and When to Use Advisers in Mediation	165	(3)
Friends, Romans, and Countrymen	168	(1)
Legal Adviser	169	(8)
Counselor	177	(3)
Financial Adviser	180	(4)
Specialized Advisers	184	(2)
Coordinating Your Advisers	186	(1)
Finding Answers to Legal Questions: Legal Research Online and Off	186	(1)
Law Libraries	187	(2)
Legal Research on the Internet	189	(1)
Additional Legal Research on the Web	190	(4)
Getting Started on Information-Gathering
Step One: Remember Vital Statistics	194	(1)
Step Two: Assess Your Children's Needs	195	(1)
Step Three: Locate and Copy Important Documents	196	(2)
Step Four: Inventory Your Assets and Debts	198	(5)
Step Five: Summarize Your Income and Make a Budget	203	(7)
Step Six: Pause to Reflect	210	(2)
Preparing for and Making the Most of the First Session
Getting Ready	212	(5)
The First Mediation Session	217	(2)
Mediator Approaches and Styles	219	(6)
Mediator Neutrality and Bias	225	(1)
Confidentiality of the Mediation	226	(2)
Agreement to Mediate	228	(1)
Take Time to Make Notes	228	(2)
Evaluating Your Progress in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
Evaluating the Decision to Mediate or Use Collaborative Divorce	230	(3)
Monitoring Your Progress	233	(3)
Communicating in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
What Is Communication?	236	(1)
What Can Go Wrong in Communications?	237	(1)
Tips for Good Communication	238	(2)
Tips for Communicating About Problems	240	(2)
Handling Strong Emotions in Communication	242	(10)
Negotiating in Mediation and Collaborative Divorce
We Negotiate All the Time	252	(1)
What Makes for a Successful Negotiation?	253	(19)
Prepare for the Negotiation	272	(5)
Negotiate Clearly, Firmly, and Respectfully	277	(3)
Court-Sponsored Mediation
Types of Court-Sponsored Mediation Programs	280	(2)
How Court-Sponsored Mediation Works	282	(2)
Voluntary Mediation: To Try or Not?	284	(2)
Mandatory Mediation: Opting Out	286	(1)
If You Can't Opt Out of Mandatory Mediation	287	(1)
Preparing for Court-Sponsored Mediation	288	(4)
Attending the Mediation Session	292	(2)
After the Mediation Session	294	(5)
Encountering Difficulties in Mediation and Collaboration
Four-Step Approach to Dealing With Difficulties	299	(1)
Discrepancies Between This Book and Your Experience	300	(1)
Delays and Disconnects	301	(2)
Tantrums and Other ``Bad'' Behavior	303	(1)
Extreme Discomfort in Mediation	304	(2)
Impasse: Negotiation Hits a Brick Wall	306	(3)
Last-Minute Changes and Demands	309	(1)
Dealing With Persistent Problems	310	(2)
Leaving Mediation Without Burning Your Bridges	312	(1)
Where There's a Will, There's a Way	312	(5)
Writing Up the Agreement
Interim or Temporary Agreements	317	(1)
Partial Agreements	317	(1)
Why Put Interim and Partial Agreements in Writing?	317	(2)
Writing Up the Final Settlement	319	(7)
Women and Men in Mediation and Collaborative Divorce
Historical Background	326	(2)
Gender and Mandatory Mediation	328	(1)
Gender and Voluntary Mediation	328	(1)
Common Gender-Related Obstacles	328	(10)
Unmarried Couples in Mediation and Collaboration
Untying the Nonmarital Knot: Opportunities and Pitfalls	338	(4)
Successful Mediation or Collaborative Separation	342	(4)
Mediation and Collaboration After Divorce
Dealing With Changes in the Divorce Agreement	346	(3)
Mediating New Relationship Issues	349
Appendix
Index