Duets 2-In-1

by Bishop, Natalie; Jacobs, Holly

• ISBN13: 9780373441587
• ISBN10: 0373441584
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-01-01
• Publisher: Harlequin Books

Excerpts

"Looks like we have just enough time for one more caller," Jake Danforth said, giving DeeAnn a sign of acknowledgment as she pointed for him to pick up the line.

Hands cupping her lips, DeeAnn mouthed, "Her name's Shar. Short for Sharlene."

Punching the flashing light on line one, Jake asked, "Shar?"

"Oh, my God. I'm on the air? With Jake Danforth? "

She sounded as if she were about to shriek with excitement. Jake quickly said, "Yes, yes, you are definitely on the air. We've got ten minutes till nine o'clock, so jump right on in."

"You were talking about your divorce," she said. "'Cause it was final yesterday, I believe?"

Jake inwardly sighed. The price of being a public figure. Hit the news head-on and pretend like you don't care. "That's right."

"You know, you said your wife ... er ... ex-wife, I guess, went to that psychic? And she's the one who told your ex to divorce you?"

"Psychologist," he corrected. DeeAnn regarded him with sympathy and he shrugged lightly. Airing his dirty laundry on the air bothered him, but it was all his listeners seemed to want to talk about these days. He would just have to weather it out.

"Well, I think that's just plain mean! I think you should go to that psychic yourself and tell her a thing or two!"

"Psychologist," he corrected again. "And apparently she's a marriage counselor, too."

"Hah!" Shar sniffed in disgust. "Didn't you say she used tarot cards?"

"That's what I understand."

"Well, then, she's pretendin' to be somethin' she's not. The tarot isn't meant to be taken so literally. The tarot is merely a guide. It is not an absolute."

"Do you read the tarot, Shar?"

"I can sure pick out a charlatan, now can't I? This woman, what's her name ...?"

"Julie Sommerfield."

"You think she has any idea what she's talkin' about?"

"My ex obviously believed in her."

"I'm talkin' about you, Jake. What do you think? I mean, really? "

Jake looked over at DeeAnn, who was picking up her bag and a few files from the top of her desk. She sat in on Jake's morning radio show and played devil's advocate, but today she hadn't needed to. Everybody was calling, wanting Jake to know what they thought of his ex and her celestial advisor.

"You want to know what I think?" he asked in a tone that had DeeAnn stopping cold in her tracks. She gazed at him with real worry. He ignored her. He was normally so good about keeping his feelings in check even when he'd really bitten into an issue. But right now he felt like letting it all out. "I think this Julie Sommerfield is a psychoanalyst-wanna-be. Yep." He nodded in self-satisfaction, ignoring DeeAnn's wildly waving arms as she tried to gain his attention. "Probably throws around phrases like `control-taking' and `self-esteem building' and `understanding your own worth' blah, blah, blah. Then asks for payment before you've got one foot out the door. Look at what she draws inspiration from - tarot cards. I'm sure she reads the stars and tea leaves and consults with an inner voice. Does she know anything about relationships? Doubtful. Probably speaks in tongues. The kind of crackpot who shouldn't be allowed to consult with human beings at all. But hey, call me bitter, if you will. My ex not only got royally soaked by this `marriage counselor,' she suggested I go see this nutcase myself!"

DeeAnn made a choking sound and slipped out of the room.

"I think you should go see her!" Shar declared. "You should! And tell her Shar sent you!"

The lights for all the phone lines lit up and began blinking furiously. Jake grimaced, knowing he'd taken that one step too far, the one that sent you over the edge of the cliff. But it was too late now.

"I'll think about it," he told her. "But here's Zipper," he added with relief as his 9:00 a.m. replacement stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"Okay, I'll be back at 6:00 a.m. sharp tomorrow. Have a good day, Portland, and keep your significant others away from pseudo-psychologists." He grinned to himself. "Julie Sommerfield and your ilk, watch out. We're on to you...."

* * *

"I'm going to have to kill him," Julie Sommerfield said matter-of-factly as she turned a page of the Sunday paper. "Yep. It's going to have to be done. And it's too bad because I really don't like to think of myself as a murderer." She glanced around the paper at Nora Carlton, her best friend and roommate.

"Or, would that be murder ess ?"

"Murder ess ." Nora squeezed orange icing onto a cinnamon roll, forming a row of teeth in the mouth of a grinning jack-o'-lantern face.

"Murderess." Julie rolled that over in her mind.

"I've dealt with Jake Danforth for more years than it's fair to count, and it's got to come to an end. A shame, really, because he is good-looking, and I used to really like him."

Nora examined her handiwork. She touched up one of the triangular eyes. "He was your Romeo."

"He was the school's Romeo. And he earned that nickname fair and square."

"You were in love with him."

"I was in lust with him," Julie corrected, snapping the paper together and tossing it onto the floor along with the rest of the scattered pages. She really hated it when Nora chose to have the last word. "You have to admit, though, he's gone too far. How could he say those things about me?"

"He doesn't know it's you," Nora reminded her, but Julie wasn't listening.

"He must be stopped. And I've got to do it."

"How?"

"Hmmm?"

"How are you going to kill him?"

"Oh ..." Julie narrowed her blue eyes in serious concentration. "Something slow and torturous. Maybe some deadly poison, the kind that slowly accumulates over time, so no one would suspect it was me when he finally takes that last dose and keels over." She wrapped her hands around her own throat and made gagging sounds.

"How are you going to administer it?"

"Good question." She cocked her head. "I'd have to get it in his cough medicine, or something," she said, working it out. "Then I could sit back and wait for it to happen."

"What if somebody else drank the cough medicine?"

"He lives alone. He hates everybody. Except his dog. I hate his dog."

"How do you know his dog?"

"It's the same damn one his parents had! Don't you remember? It must be a hundred years old now."

"You mean - Seltzer?"

"Seltzer! Yes! What a name. And they had a cat called Alka." She gave a mock shudder. "There's something seriously wrong with that entire family."

Nora lifted a noncommittal shoulder.

Julie's sweep of chin-length brown hair swung forward and she pushed it aside impatiently. "Anyway, he would never feed the cough syrup to Seltzer. I think this plan could work."

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Love On Line One!/Not Precisely Pregnant by Natalie Bishop Copyright © 2003 by Harlequin Enterprises Limited
Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.