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Chapter One
It's a Party
We have an announcement to make engagement parties
I've yet to meet a newly engaged couple who doesn't want to shout it to the world—and what better way than with a party? An engagement party is the first chance that a couple has to celebrate their decision to marry and to share their happiness with their family and friends. Engagement parties are not required, but they are traditional and very popular.
A Good Place to Start
Of course, the main point of an engagement party is to celebrate and announce the couple's engagement, but it's also a great chance for their families to get to know each other better. The same goes for friends: The couple's close friends may already know them as a twosome, but older friends may not. This party is also the moment when the engagement is officially "announced" (typically by the bride's father), and guests toast the couple's future.
An engagement party also builds anticipation and sets the tone for the wedding to come—something that should be kept in mind when planning the event.
It doesn't have to "match" the wedding, but it should never outshine it: If the couple is planning an informal wedding, the engagement party should be on the casual side as well.
Party Timeline
The engagement party usually occurs fairly close to when the proposal is made and accepted—typically within a couple of months. At the very least, try to schedule it closer to the engagement than to the wedding. (If the engagement is extremely short, just do the best you can.) The one thing you don't want is for the engagement party to compete with the wedding. Short of that, there is no set time; just think about the length of the engagement and your calendar. My friend Ben got engaged in the fall, around the same time as his sister. They were both planning summer weddings, and it turned out that January was a great time for their parents to throw them a joint engagement party.
Remember to let close family and friends hear the good news from you first, in person or over the phone—before they get an invite in the mail for an engagement party. And it's okay to let everyone know even if the engagement party has to wait: "Hi, Uncle Dave—Jason and I got engaged! We're so happy! We wanted you to know now, even though we can't throw a party to celebrate until after he graduates from law school this spring."
Invitations should go out at least a few weeks in advance, to give invited guests a chance to arrange their schedules. If guests are coming from out of town, they'll need even more lead time—preferably four to six weeks.
A Perfect Engagement Party
I loved attending my friend Nell's engagement party. She held it at her mother's house and invited both family friends and her own friends from childhood, college, and post-college life. Having known her through all of these stages, it was fun for me to catch up with all the people I'd met through her over the years. It gave me a taste of how this kind of party can bring together many different parts of two people's lives—people who are all important to the couple but who wouldn't otherwise meet.
The party was a backyard affair on a summer evening. It was a little dressy, but not stuffy, with lots of flowers arranged from the bride's mother's garden, and heavy hors d'oeuvres from a local caterer, who stayed to help out at the event. There was a delicious cake with fresh berries for dessert, and plenty of champagne. About forty guests mingled in dresses and sport coats, talking and laughing with the blissful couple. Everyone had a fantastic time. The party was lovely, but not over the top, and suited the couple perfectly. Just as important, it was clear that the focus was on my friend and her fiancé sharing their news—and the resulting congratulations—with friends and family in a memorable way.
Who hosts?
Traditionally, engagement parties are hosted by family members or close friends—most often the parents of the bride. If that's not an option, not to worry: Variations on this theme are increasingly common. In fact, it's perfectly fine for virtually anyone to host the celebration, with some couples even throwing engagement parties for themselves (see "Throw an Engagement Party for Yourself? Absolutely!" page 5).
There can also be more than one engagement party: For example, the bride's parents in Georgia might host one, inviting local friends and family, and the groom's parents in Oregon might do the same.
Hosts should always check with the couple in advance to find out what dates work best for them and to go over the guest list (see "Who's Invited?" below). Remember, too, that the bride's parents customarily have first shot at playing host: If the groom's parents want to throw an engagement party, they should check with the bride's parents to see if they're planning to hold one, too. If so, the bride's parents get first choice of date. The groom's parents should then schedule their party to follow it.
If some other relative or close friend is planning to throw an engagement party for the couple, they should check first with both sets of parents as well as the couple, to avoid stepping on anyone's toes.
Who's invited?
Engagement parties are typically on the intimate side, with invitations going only to close friends and family. The definition of close is up to you—it could be 10 or 100. Parties with more extended friends and family are fine, too, but just remember that no matter the size of the guest list, everyone invited to the engagement party must be invited to the wedding. (For more on why this is, see Chapter 8, "Reading the Fine Print: Invitations," page 93.)
Emily Post's Wedding Parties. Copyright © by Anna Post. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Excerpted from Emily Post's Wedding Parties by Anna Post
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