Empty-Nest Parenting

by Eyre, Richard M.; Eyre, Linda; Loosli, Saren Eyre

• ISBN13: 9781570087318
• ISBN10: 1570087318
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2002-06-01
• Publisher: Shadow Mountain

Table of Contents

Introduction	xvii
Eternal Family Leadership	xviii
Who Should Read This Book---and When?	xix
Structure and Sequence	xxi
A Brief Introduction to Our Own Family (as Contributors to This Book)	xxii
Part 1: Empty-Nest Perspectives and Priorities	1	(54)
The Simple Things That Matter	3	(4)
One Thing That's Guaranteed	5	(2)
Perspectives from Parent and Child	7	(6)
The Child's Perspective (Telling It Like It Is)	9	(4)
What Does Empty-Nest Parenting Mean to You?	13	(8)
Who?	16	(1)
What?	17	(1)
Why?	18	(1)
When?	19	(1)
Where?	20	(1)
The ``H'' Question	20	(1)
The Emotions of ENP	21	(12)
The Difficulties of Letting Go	23	(1)
Balancing Our Needs with Those of the Children	24	(3)
Questions	27	(1)
Changing Your Thought Patterns	28	(2)
Especially for Women: What Do You Really Want?	30	(3)
Eleven Essential Elements of Family Relationships	33	(16)
Commitment and Recommitment	35	(1)
Clarity of Purpose	36	(1)
A True Prioritizing of Family and Family Relationships	36	(1)
Communication	37	(1)
Family Rules and Standards	38	(1)
Family Economy	38	(1)
Family Traditions	39	(1)
Family History and Roots	39	(1)
Understanding of and Healthy Skepticism for Larger Institutions	40	(1)
Principles	41	(1)
Values	41	(1)
Four Additional ``Essential Eleemnts''	42	(7)
Place (a traditional location to gather)	43	(1)
Reunions (structuring and organizing our gatherings so they help each family member grow and progress)	44	(1)
Service Expeditions (getting together in adventurous circumstances to serve others)	45	(1)
M&FM or F&FF (``future fathers'' and ``future mothers'' clubs)	46	(3)
A Word from the LTNs (and the Basic Purpose of an Empty-Nest Family)	49	(3)
Conclusion to Part 1: It's All About Prioritizing	52	(3)
Priorities and Commitment	53	(2)
Intermission: Two Related Issues	55	(22)
Two Related Issues	57	(7)
Preparing Children to Leave Home---and Preparing Yourself for the Departure	57	(7)
Retuning Your Marriage	64	(13)
Part 2: Fifty Empty-Nest Questions and Answers	77	(178)
The Most Common Questions of Empty-Nest Parents	79	(6)
What You've Always Wanted to Know About Children Leaving Home But Haven't Dared Ask (Saren's Introduction to Part 2)	81	(2)
A Meeting of ENPs and LTNs	83	(2)
Phase 1: Leaving Home For the First Time---Have you ``accomlished your mission'' or fallen into an emotional abyss?	85	(63)
When should kids leave home? When should I push them out of the nest?	87	(2)
What emotions will I feel when my child first leaves home?	89	(2)
What should I worry about when my child leaves?	91	(2)
How will my kids feel as they leave home for the first time?	93	(4)
What if they're really homesick? Or, what if they don't seem to miss me at all?	97	(2)
What do my kids need from me when they first leave home?	99	(4)
How will my kids feel about their new independence when they leave home?	103	(3)
What do I need from my kids once they're gone?	106	(2)
What do I want my kids to be to me as they take off on their own?	108	(2)
How much should I try to influence my kids' college education?	110	(6)
How should I communicate with my kids, and how often should I do it?	116	(4)
How will our relationship and communication change once we don't live in the same house anymore?	120	(3)
How often should I visit? How often should they visit me?	123	(4)
How should I handle financial issues? How much support (if any) do I want to provide?	127	(6)
How should I be involved in my kids' dating lives?	133	(4)
What should I do if I'm worried about some of the things my kids are doing or not doing?	137	(2)
How about missions? When should kids go and how much should I push?	139	(6)
Phase 1 Review: Conceptualizing and Understanding the Transition	145	(3)
Phase 2: Career---Do you cut the purse strings as much as the apron strings?	148	(29)
How much should I be involved in my children's career decisions?	148	(9)
What sort of financial support (if any) should I offer once the kids have finished school and entered the full-time work world?	157	(2)
How should I help if my kids are out of work?	159	(3)
What if they want to move back into the house?	162	(2)
Should I encourage my kids to find a job near me?	164	(1)
How much advice should I offer about how my kids spend their money?	165	(2)
How often should I try to get together with my kids?	167	(1)
How often should we communicate with each other?	168	(2)
What if my kids' church activity is slipping?	170	(5)
Phase 2 Review: Learning to Be a Consultant Rather Than a Manager	175	(2)
Phase 3: Marriage---Does ``gaining a son'' or ``gaining a daughter'' have to be as hard as giving birth?	177	(41)
What's my role in my children's marriage decisions?	177	(5)
What should I do if I'm worried about marriage decisions my children have made?	182	(3)
What if my child is seriously dating (or marrying) someone of another faith?	185	(5)
What should be my role in my child's wedding?	190	(3)
What will my children go through during the first few months of marriage?	193	(3)
What sort of relationship should I hope for with my married children?	196	(3)
What should I do if I see something going on between my child and his or her spouse that worries me?	199	(2)
How much financial support (if any) should I offer my children now that they're married?	201	(4)
What can I do to help when my kids have a crisis with money or have trouble finding a new job?	205	(3)
What sort of relationship should I try to cultivate with my children's spouses?	208	(3)
What sort of relationship should I try to cultivate with my child's spouse's parents?	211	(1)
What should I do if my child complains about his or her spouse to me?	212	(1)
How do I deal with married kids dividing their time between two sets of parents?	213	(1)
How often should we communicate with each other now?	214	(2)
Phase 3 Review: Backing Off While Staying Close	216	(2)
Phase 4: Children (Grandchildren!)---Can you stop worrying long enough to realize how wonderful this is?	218	(34)
How will our relationship change once our kids have their own children?	218	(3)
How much should I help with my grandchildren?	221	(3)
How can I be involved in my grandkids' lives if they live far away from me?	224	(3)
What sort of financial support (if any) should I offer my children and grandchildren?	227	(2)
How can I help my kids be better parents to my grandkids?	229	(5)
What is the biggest difference between parenting and grandparenting?	234	(2)
What should I do if my kids don't want me to do the things I'd like to do for their kids?	236	(2)
How often should I talk and write to my grandchildren?	238	(2)
How often should I get together with my married kids? How often should I encourage them to come home?	240	(5)
What is my role in teaching the gospel to my grand-children and helping them build their testimonies?	245	(5)
Phase 4 Review: Your Three-Generation Family	250	(2)
Conclusion to Part 2: It's All about Asking and Listening	252	(3)
Appendix: Establishing a Family Strategy for the Rest of Your Life	255	(83)
A Long-Term Plan or ``Offense'' for Your Family: The Dangers of a ``Defense''---of Just Reacting to Situations as They Develop	257	(11)
Results!	261	(1)
Case Study	261	(7)
Emotional Empty-Nest Parenting: Finding the Balance Between ``Hanging On'' and ``Letting Go''	268	(8)
Pain and Gain	268	(1)
Case Study	269	(5)
The Eyrealm Emotional Safe Harbor (giving love, confidence, identity, and emotional support to each other)	274	(2)
Social Empty-Nest Parenting: Sorting Out the Evolving Relationships and Changing Roles	276	(18)
Case Study	278	(13)
The Eyrealm Social Grove (charting the evolution of our roles and relationships with each other and establishing enduring patterns of communication and advice, asking, giving, and receiving)	291	(3)
Financial (Physical) Empty-Nest Parenting: Finding the Balance between Assistance and Independence	294	(13)
Case Study	295	(7)
The Eyrealm Financial Foundation (establishing a structure of financial indepedence and assistance that enables and empowers)	302	(2)
Elaboration	304	(2)
Tying Service into the Formula (Giving Something Back	306	(1)
Mental Empty-Nest Parenting: Helping with Each Other's Goals---and Staying Stimulated	307	(12)
Herding or ``Influencing''	309	(1)
Case Study	310	(6)
The Mental ``Watchtower'' of Eyrealm (synergizing with and stimulating each other in the arts of mental creation and perspective expansion)	316	(3)
Spiritual Empty-Nest Parenting: Understanding That All of the Real Answers Are Spiritual	319	(9)
Three- and Four-Generation Families	320	(1)
Case Study	321	(4)
The Spiritual Omniscient Partner of Eyrealm (forging a common character and developing personal faith, hope, and charity)	325	(3)
An Adult Family Mission Statement: Putting It All Together into a Form That Becomes Part of Us	328	(10)
Case Study (Conclusion)	336	(2)
Appendix Conclusion: ``It's All About the Process of Agreement''	338	(3)
Postscript (and Best Wishes): An Invitation for Further Interaction at emptynestparenting.com	341